Choices: 7 part story during
Post-Gaza timeline. It starts
as Canon and then goes AU.
Post-Gaza timeline. It starts
as Canon and then goes AU.
Title: Choices
Author: Cathy Miller (cam7192003@...)
Rating: PG
Category: Angst, romance
Spoilers: Through Birnam Wood
Disclaimer: I do not own or make money from the West Wing or it's
characters. I'm just
having a little non-profit fun.
Feedback: Live for it!
Chapter 1
"I've been trying to reach you for hours." an anxious Sam
Seaborn exclaimed over the cell phone line.
"Sorry, I've been in the surgerical waiting room and I had to shut
off my cell." Sam could hear the weariness in Josh's voice, but
he thought there was some relief too.
"Why was she in surgery again? Is everything okay?"
"It looks like it is now." Josh told him. "She developed a
pulmonary embolism."
"Oh God, Josh." Sam was one of the few people who knew the
significance of that complication to Josh. It's what had killed
Josh's father.
"Yeah, I know. She had a lot of blood loss and oxygen loss so they
thought there might be neurological damage, but she woke up a little
while ago and talked with me so I think she's going to be okay."
"Thank God. Josh, I can't even tell you- When I saw the news
footage and heard Andi and Donna were there…I'm just glad you
went to be with her. I bet that meant the world to her." Sam opined.
"She's had plenty of visitors." There was an edge to his
voice that troubled Sam from thousands of miles away. "Some Irish
photojournalist she met in Gaza followed her here. Then her Mom
flew in
today. She doesn't need me here. It's probably a good thing too,
since Leo is harping on me to get back to D.C."
"Josh, that's not the same, they're not the same. When you
love someone, you want them there with you when times are tough."
"Are you talking about her Mom or the Irish bastard?" Josh asked
for clarification.
"I'm talking about you, idiot. You don't drop your entire
life and rush to someone's bedside in a foreign country unless you
love them. It's about time you did something about it."
"What the hell? Did something about what? Are you drinking over
there? I came because it's Donna. She'd do the same for me; she
did in fact. Don't make this into something more than it is."
"Josh,,,are you telling me you flew to Germany at the drop of a hat
to be with Donna while she's going through this crisis, and you
DIDN'T tell her how you feel about her?" Sam is incredulous now.
"I understand you're the King of denial, but even you have to
see…Josh tell me you told her you love her." He sputters
indignantly.
"Sam you're way out of line. I care about Donna, of course I do,
but love is something completely different. We don't have that kind
of relationship; as evidenced by Danny Boy sitting at her side."
"The only reason you don't have that kind of relationship, is
because you refused to step over the line from friends to the next
level. You have been in love with each other for years and you must
be the only one on the planet who doesn't know it."
"I'm hanging up now, Sam. I'll tell Donna you called about
her."
"Tell her. Just say it once, out loud, to her. It will change your
life, Josh." Sam is so earnest Josh almost believes him, but then he
remembers how she looked at Colin Ayres after surgery. He saw how
enraptured Colin was with Donna. Colin, too, had refused to leave the
hospital at all while Donna was in danger. This wasn't some casual
acquaintance from Gaza, they had been lovers. There was a body
language, an intimacy two people gave off once they'd had sex, and it
was coming off Donna and Colin in waves. Josh had literally had to
leave the room to keep from being sick at the sight of them together.
"Bye Sam. I'll check in with you on my way back to D.C."
Josh quickly hung up the phone and walked slowly back toward
Donna's room. He slowed long enough to call Margaret and ask her to
make flight arrangements for him. It wasn't what he wanted to do, but
given the circumstances here, he had no choice. Three was most
definitely a crowd. When he neared Donna's room, he heard her
talking to Ayres.
"No, I can't eat anything, thanks." She told him.
"There must be something I can do." Colin insisted.
"Just being here is enough. I can't believe you came all this
way."
"Of course I came. Donna, when I saw…there was nothing I could
do. They wouldn't let anyone near the vehicle. I had to come."
"You didn't have to," Josh could hear the tears in her
voice. "but you did anyway. I never thanked you for everything in
Gaza."
"Actually, I think you did." Ayres quipped. "And as soon as
you're feeling better, you can thank me again."
Josh couldn't stomach anymore and turned away from Donna's room.
Halfway down the hall, he ran into Donna's mom.
"Josh. I thought you were going to go get some sleep."
"Turns out I got a call from the White House. I need to fly back
tonight."
"Donna must be so disappointed." Mrs. Moss replied. "I know
how much it meant to her not only that you came, but that you stayed
until she was out of surgery. She told me how you calmed her down
before they operated."
"I haven't told her yet. I…I just got the call." Josh
stammered.
"Then come in and say goodbye." She insisted as she led him into
her room. When they walked in, Colin's head rested on top of
Donna's and he was whispering something to her. Mrs. Moss cleared
her throat and the two of them broke apart.
"Hi. " Donna says looking up through her lashes. She finally
gets the courage to meet Josh's eyes and is shocked by the complete
lack of emotion there. She couldn't read anything in his expression;
and Josh had a terrible poker face.
It had only been a few hours ago when she'd opened her eyes after
her surgery and felt so overwhelmed that he was still by her side.
When she had looked at him then, she had seen so much in his face.
For the first time, she saw the love she had suspected was there, but
he'd never allowed her to see before. Her heart had been filled with
so much that she wanted to tell him, but her body and her voice
couldn't shake off the effects of surgery in order to follow through.
Later, she had told herself, I'll be able to tell him later. When she woke
again, he had been gone and Colin was by her side, leaving her to
wonder if she had dreamed the whole thing.
"I just came to say goodbye." Josh tells them.
"I thought you were staying." Donna asked stricken and panicked
by the thought of him leaving her.
"Something's come up and Leo told me to get back or else."
There was no way he was giving any particulars in front of Ayres. For
all he knew the guy was a member of the IRA. Besides, the vaguer he
kept the details, the fewer questions he'd have to answer.
"I'll just step out a moment." Colin offers. "I'm
sure you have top secret White House business to discuss." He winks
at Donna and shakes Josh's hand. "It was good to meet you
Josh."
"Yeah." Josh mumbles in return. Mrs. Moss followed Colin into
the hallway.
"Do you really have to go?" Donna could feel the tears well up
in her eyes and hated that she couldn't control them.
"They're gearing up for a summit at Camp David. I've already
been gone too long. I'm surprised I still have a job." He makes
a lame attempt at a joke. "You're going to be fine. And
you've got Ayres taking good care of you."
But he's not the one I want taking care of me, she thought
desperately. Say something, Josh, she begged in her mind. Tell me I
wasn't imagining what I saw in you earlier. A minute passes, and
then another and not a word passes his lips. He's looking at her
intently, but she can't discern what that means.
"Yeah, I'm pretty lucky." She finally whispers. Josh reads
that as sincere and his heart bleeds a little more. "Have a safe
flight. Thank everyone for the cards and flowers for me."
"I will…Oh, and I talked to Sam. He said to tell you he's
thinking about you and he's glad you're doing better."
"That's very sweet. I miss Sam." She admits.
"Me too." He tells her. "Listen, get some rest and do what
the doctors tell you, okay? I'll see you when you get back to
D.C." he leans down and kisses her forehead lingering a little too
long for it to be strictly platonic, but not long enough for it to be
anything else. "Bye." He left without another word, and without
looking back. As soon as he cleared the door, Donna burst into tears.
She was sobbing into her blanket when her mother reappeared.
"Donna? Honey, what is it? Are you in pain?" Donna only cried
harder because she was in the worst kind of pain and her morphine
drip couldn't touch it. "Sweetheart, talk to me; you're scaring
me."
"He's leaving, Mom."
"Donna, he has to go. Aren't you the one who's always
telling me how important his job is? How much the President and Leo
depend on him?" Donna tries to get herself under control and nods.
"He wouldn't leave you if he didn't have to, Donna. I saw
him when I first got here; he was a wreck. Leo told me he took the first
flight out of D.C. and didn't even stop to pack anything."
"He just felt obligated. He's always getting me out of messes.
Or maybe it was just guilt. He thinks everything is his fault."
"Donna, what are you talking about?"
"It doesn't matter. He's gone now, so it doesn't
matter." Donna leaned into her mother and let her mother comfort
her. Even as her Mom stroked her head and whispered reassurances
to her, Donna wished the arms and voice belonged to someone else.
Josh got on the plane buzzed from the drinks he had at the airport
bar. As soon as they took off he intended to have another. The great
thing about long international flights, he mused, was there was plenty
of time to get drunk and then sober up before he got to the White
House. And since Donna was miles away, there was no one to annoy
him with warnings about his `sensitive system'. Yeah, it's a win/win he
thought as the plane lifted off from the runway…a win/win.
Author: Cathy Miller (cam7192003@...)
Rating: PG
Category: Angst, romance
Spoilers: Through Birnam Wood
Disclaimer: I do not own or make money from the West Wing or it's
characters. I'm just
having a little non-profit fun.
Feedback: Live for it!
Chapter 1
"I've been trying to reach you for hours." an anxious Sam
Seaborn exclaimed over the cell phone line.
"Sorry, I've been in the surgerical waiting room and I had to shut
off my cell." Sam could hear the weariness in Josh's voice, but
he thought there was some relief too.
"Why was she in surgery again? Is everything okay?"
"It looks like it is now." Josh told him. "She developed a
pulmonary embolism."
"Oh God, Josh." Sam was one of the few people who knew the
significance of that complication to Josh. It's what had killed
Josh's father.
"Yeah, I know. She had a lot of blood loss and oxygen loss so they
thought there might be neurological damage, but she woke up a little
while ago and talked with me so I think she's going to be okay."
"Thank God. Josh, I can't even tell you- When I saw the news
footage and heard Andi and Donna were there…I'm just glad you
went to be with her. I bet that meant the world to her." Sam opined.
"She's had plenty of visitors." There was an edge to his
voice that troubled Sam from thousands of miles away. "Some Irish
photojournalist she met in Gaza followed her here. Then her Mom
flew in
today. She doesn't need me here. It's probably a good thing too,
since Leo is harping on me to get back to D.C."
"Josh, that's not the same, they're not the same. When you
love someone, you want them there with you when times are tough."
"Are you talking about her Mom or the Irish bastard?" Josh asked
for clarification.
"I'm talking about you, idiot. You don't drop your entire
life and rush to someone's bedside in a foreign country unless you
love them. It's about time you did something about it."
"What the hell? Did something about what? Are you drinking over
there? I came because it's Donna. She'd do the same for me; she
did in fact. Don't make this into something more than it is."
"Josh,,,are you telling me you flew to Germany at the drop of a hat
to be with Donna while she's going through this crisis, and you
DIDN'T tell her how you feel about her?" Sam is incredulous now.
"I understand you're the King of denial, but even you have to
see…Josh tell me you told her you love her." He sputters
indignantly.
"Sam you're way out of line. I care about Donna, of course I do,
but love is something completely different. We don't have that kind
of relationship; as evidenced by Danny Boy sitting at her side."
"The only reason you don't have that kind of relationship, is
because you refused to step over the line from friends to the next
level. You have been in love with each other for years and you must
be the only one on the planet who doesn't know it."
"I'm hanging up now, Sam. I'll tell Donna you called about
her."
"Tell her. Just say it once, out loud, to her. It will change your
life, Josh." Sam is so earnest Josh almost believes him, but then he
remembers how she looked at Colin Ayres after surgery. He saw how
enraptured Colin was with Donna. Colin, too, had refused to leave the
hospital at all while Donna was in danger. This wasn't some casual
acquaintance from Gaza, they had been lovers. There was a body
language, an intimacy two people gave off once they'd had sex, and it
was coming off Donna and Colin in waves. Josh had literally had to
leave the room to keep from being sick at the sight of them together.
"Bye Sam. I'll check in with you on my way back to D.C."
Josh quickly hung up the phone and walked slowly back toward
Donna's room. He slowed long enough to call Margaret and ask her to
make flight arrangements for him. It wasn't what he wanted to do, but
given the circumstances here, he had no choice. Three was most
definitely a crowd. When he neared Donna's room, he heard her
talking to Ayres.
"No, I can't eat anything, thanks." She told him.
"There must be something I can do." Colin insisted.
"Just being here is enough. I can't believe you came all this
way."
"Of course I came. Donna, when I saw…there was nothing I could
do. They wouldn't let anyone near the vehicle. I had to come."
"You didn't have to," Josh could hear the tears in her
voice. "but you did anyway. I never thanked you for everything in
Gaza."
"Actually, I think you did." Ayres quipped. "And as soon as
you're feeling better, you can thank me again."
Josh couldn't stomach anymore and turned away from Donna's room.
Halfway down the hall, he ran into Donna's mom.
"Josh. I thought you were going to go get some sleep."
"Turns out I got a call from the White House. I need to fly back
tonight."
"Donna must be so disappointed." Mrs. Moss replied. "I know
how much it meant to her not only that you came, but that you stayed
until she was out of surgery. She told me how you calmed her down
before they operated."
"I haven't told her yet. I…I just got the call." Josh
stammered.
"Then come in and say goodbye." She insisted as she led him into
her room. When they walked in, Colin's head rested on top of
Donna's and he was whispering something to her. Mrs. Moss cleared
her throat and the two of them broke apart.
"Hi. " Donna says looking up through her lashes. She finally
gets the courage to meet Josh's eyes and is shocked by the complete
lack of emotion there. She couldn't read anything in his expression;
and Josh had a terrible poker face.
It had only been a few hours ago when she'd opened her eyes after
her surgery and felt so overwhelmed that he was still by her side.
When she had looked at him then, she had seen so much in his face.
For the first time, she saw the love she had suspected was there, but
he'd never allowed her to see before. Her heart had been filled with
so much that she wanted to tell him, but her body and her voice
couldn't shake off the effects of surgery in order to follow through.
Later, she had told herself, I'll be able to tell him later. When she woke
again, he had been gone and Colin was by her side, leaving her to
wonder if she had dreamed the whole thing.
"I just came to say goodbye." Josh tells them.
"I thought you were staying." Donna asked stricken and panicked
by the thought of him leaving her.
"Something's come up and Leo told me to get back or else."
There was no way he was giving any particulars in front of Ayres. For
all he knew the guy was a member of the IRA. Besides, the vaguer he
kept the details, the fewer questions he'd have to answer.
"I'll just step out a moment." Colin offers. "I'm
sure you have top secret White House business to discuss." He winks
at Donna and shakes Josh's hand. "It was good to meet you
Josh."
"Yeah." Josh mumbles in return. Mrs. Moss followed Colin into
the hallway.
"Do you really have to go?" Donna could feel the tears well up
in her eyes and hated that she couldn't control them.
"They're gearing up for a summit at Camp David. I've already
been gone too long. I'm surprised I still have a job." He makes
a lame attempt at a joke. "You're going to be fine. And
you've got Ayres taking good care of you."
But he's not the one I want taking care of me, she thought
desperately. Say something, Josh, she begged in her mind. Tell me I
wasn't imagining what I saw in you earlier. A minute passes, and
then another and not a word passes his lips. He's looking at her
intently, but she can't discern what that means.
"Yeah, I'm pretty lucky." She finally whispers. Josh reads
that as sincere and his heart bleeds a little more. "Have a safe
flight. Thank everyone for the cards and flowers for me."
"I will…Oh, and I talked to Sam. He said to tell you he's
thinking about you and he's glad you're doing better."
"That's very sweet. I miss Sam." She admits.
"Me too." He tells her. "Listen, get some rest and do what
the doctors tell you, okay? I'll see you when you get back to
D.C." he leans down and kisses her forehead lingering a little too
long for it to be strictly platonic, but not long enough for it to be
anything else. "Bye." He left without another word, and without
looking back. As soon as he cleared the door, Donna burst into tears.
She was sobbing into her blanket when her mother reappeared.
"Donna? Honey, what is it? Are you in pain?" Donna only cried
harder because she was in the worst kind of pain and her morphine
drip couldn't touch it. "Sweetheart, talk to me; you're scaring
me."
"He's leaving, Mom."
"Donna, he has to go. Aren't you the one who's always
telling me how important his job is? How much the President and Leo
depend on him?" Donna tries to get herself under control and nods.
"He wouldn't leave you if he didn't have to, Donna. I saw
him when I first got here; he was a wreck. Leo told me he took the first
flight out of D.C. and didn't even stop to pack anything."
"He just felt obligated. He's always getting me out of messes.
Or maybe it was just guilt. He thinks everything is his fault."
"Donna, what are you talking about?"
"It doesn't matter. He's gone now, so it doesn't
matter." Donna leaned into her mother and let her mother comfort
her. Even as her Mom stroked her head and whispered reassurances
to her, Donna wished the arms and voice belonged to someone else.
Josh got on the plane buzzed from the drinks he had at the airport
bar. As soon as they took off he intended to have another. The great
thing about long international flights, he mused, was there was plenty
of time to get drunk and then sober up before he got to the White
House. And since Donna was miles away, there was no one to annoy
him with warnings about his `sensitive system'. Yeah, it's a win/win he
thought as the plane lifted off from the runway…a win/win.
| Choices chapter 1 Choices chapter 2 Choices chapter 3 Choices chapter 4 Choices chapter 5 Choices chapter 6 Choices chapter 7 |
