Chapter 5
“Donna!” At least one thing has stayed blessedly the same. Josh and Joe both bellow for me. It
gives me an odd sense of comfort and consistency.
“Yes, sir?” I respond from his doorway. I don’t dare step inside. The room is thick with a cloud of
cigar smoke. I’m getting second hand smoke in my cubicle on the other side of the office.
“I need you to pull the new numbers from the canvassing in Cook County, add it to the updates
numbers on that nifty spreadsheet you made, and then show me a copy of the press release for
the Governor’s itinerary the first day he’s here before you announce it at the gaggle.”
“Yes, sir.” I’m busy scrambling to write down all his instructions so the ball doesn’t drop until I
finish writing his complete sentence down. “Wait. Before *I* announce it at the gaggle?” I repeat.
“Yeah…Bobby hasn’t been doing so hot lately and most of the reporters come to you with follow
ups anyway, so why not give you a shot?”
“I can think of SEVERAL reasons not to give me…”
“Donna, you know this stuff backwards and forwards. Give it a shot. If you crash and burn, we’ll
send someone else out until the campaign gets here and CJ Cregg can take over.”
“Crash and burn?” I can feel my eyes widen and feel my voice crack.
“Before 1, please, so they can all meet their print deadlines.” Joe tacks on.
“Yes….sir….” I walk back to my cubicle in a daze and slump into my chair. Okay. I can do this. It’s
only for few days until CJ gets here; maybe even less. If I crash and burn…I feel my stomach
churn t the thought. My family gets Chicago news on cable after all. And Josh! OMG! Josh might
see this. Now my heart starts to pound and I can feel beads of perspiration popping out on my
face and neck.
Must. Calm. Down. I take deep breath and let it out. First things first. I’m going to get the
updates numbers from Cook County. Then I’ll update the spreadsheet. Then I’ll write the press
release, drop it off on Joe’s desk and then hyperventilate and vomit until he approves it and I
have to announce it to the press.
Sounds good. That’s a plan!
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“Uhhh…Joshua?” CJ calls to me and beckons me over to the TV she is glued to.
“Don’t tell me we’ve got a PR problem.” I beg her.
“We don’t.” She assures me. “But the Chicago office has a new spokeswoman.”
“Good. Bobby was sucking air in those gaggles.” I say with a sigh of relief and join her in front of
the TV screen. It takes me about 10 seconds to register what I’m seeing. “Is that…?”
“It is.” CJ nods. “She’s doing well so far too.”
“Oh. My. God.” I watch with my heart in my throat. When I suggested to Joe that he give Donna a
little more responsibility, I can see I should have been more specific. But Joe said Donna was a
Godsend and he knew just where he could use her best, so I didn’t give it another thought. I was
just happy Joe seemed to appreciate Donna and her skills. Now, I’m watching with my heart in my
throat, wondering if I inadvertently put Donna in a position where she was over her head. “Is
it…just me? Or is she doing well?”
“No, she is definitely doing well.” CJ nodded and smiled a bit. “She’s handling them with humor
and charm, and deftly leading them where she wants them to go. Of course, she worked for you,
so she has had experience handling difficult people already.”
“Ha. Ha.” I pretend laugh. I’d say more, or at least something more witty but I am entranced with
the sight of Donna Moss handling her very own press conference. She closes off the rest of the
questions with a promise to brief again soon, thanks them, and exits the stage.
I look over at CJ with what I’m sure is a dazed, but happy expression.
“Holy shit!” I half laugh.
“Indeed.” CJ agrees. “She held her own just fine. If I had that woman’s cell phone number, I’d
sure give her a call to tell her how well I thought she did.” She tells me as she moves away from
the TV. Boy, would Donna love that! CJ is like her big sister and hero all rolled into one. Maybe I
should give CJ Donna’s number? Hang on! I have Donna’s number. I can call Donna and tell her
how well we thought she did. As the Director of Political Strategy for the Bartlet campaign, it’s
almost in my job description to call a team member and tell them ‘well done’. Yeah…
I pick up my cell and head out of the office.
“Wait! My assistant…I can’t remember this one’s name, calls out to me. “You have a conference
call in 10 minutes!”
“I’ll be back in five.” I wave her off, while hitting speed dial number 2.
“Donna Moss.” She answers after the second ring.
“Is this the SPOKESPERSON for Bartlet for America, Chicago office?” I tease.
“Oh, Lord, you were watching?”
“Yes! And not just me. CJ was watching too.” I inform her and hear her groan.
“Just shoot me now.” She begs.
“Sorry, we’re against any kind of gun violence.” I tell her.
“Yeah, but you’ve been ambivalent about assisted suicide and that’s what this really is.” I love
how she can hit with me.
“There’s no need for euthanasia. You did a great job.”
“I did?”
“You did. CJ’s exact words were, ‘She’s handling them with humor and charm, and deftly leading
them where she wants them to go’.” I reply. “She said if she had your cell number she’d tell you
herself, but I wanted to talk to you first, so I’ll give her your number later. Now I can hear her
laugh.
“Of course you will.” She chuckles. “She REALLY said that?”
“She did and I concur.” At the comment she scoffs. “What?”
“You don’t know anything about handling the press.” She tells me. “CJ would send a talking
parrot out to handle the press before she sent you.”
“You wound me, Donnatella.” I pretend I’m affronted.
“Please, I hardly put a dent in your planet sized ego.” I would fake being insulted again, but I can
hear the smile in her voice and it makes me smile in return.
“Feeling like you just took a shot of whiskey right now?” I ask. “Tingly all over?”
“A little bit, yeah.” She decides. “It was nice of you to call.”
“I had to call once I saw how well you did.” I explain.
There’s a long pause and then I hear a sniff. Is she crying?
“Donna?”
“Yeah…” another sniff. “That means a lot coming from you…and CJ. Tell her thanks for me?”
“Sure, but I imagine you’re going to get a call from her yourself.” I need to go back in but I really
don’t want to. “Hey, Donna?”
“Yes?” I try to come up with someone witty or clever to say about how I taught her everything she
knows and owes it all to me, but instead, entirely different words come out of my mouth.
“You were knowledgeable, poised, and beautiful on TV today. I’m really proud of you.”
“Stop it, Joshua!” She sniffs again and I can tell she’s crying now. “I have to go.”
“We’ll see you in a few days. Bye.” I hang up feeling like I’m walking on clouds. All is right with the
world.
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“Where did these numbers come from?” I ask.
“The Chicago office.” He answers distractedly.
“Do you trust them?”
“Implicitly.” He meets my eyes and he doesn’t look the least concerned about the validity of what I’
m looking at. That’s not right. Josh is one of the least trusting people I know. Why is he trusting
some nameless/faceless person in Chicago?
“What aren’t you telling me, son?” I lean back in my chair and steeple my fingers. “It’s not like
you to trust someone else’s breakdowns.”
“It is when they’re from someone I trained to do breakdowns.” He smiles.
“Care to share with the class?” I ask.
“Donna’s working in the Chicago office. She put these numbers together for me.”
“Donna. Donna Moss. Our Donna?”
“Yes, Donna Moss.” He confirms.
“I thought she was going back to Wisconsin.”
“What can I tell you Leo?” He shrugs. “She’s in Chicago and she’s working in our office there.”
“Do you think we might be able to entice her to return? We’ve missed her around here.” I ask
and see his face shut down.
“I…don’t think that’s a good idea, Leo.” He says quietly. “She’s doing really well there and she’s
gone back to school; taking classes, you know?”
“She can’t be that far into them. Maybe we could…”
“Just drop it, Leo, okay?” Josh interrupts me shortly. “I trust the numbers.”
I decide to let it lie for the moment. “I don’t want to say anything out loud that Toby might hear,
but…”
“I know. It’s entirely possible…that someone we know pretty well could win the Illinois primary.” He
smiles again.
“Then perhaps you should head out there now and get things moving for us, huh?” I suggest.
“Ahead of the rest of the group?”
“Well gee, Josh, if you’re too scared to travel alone, I can send somebody with you. Maybe
Mandy is available to fly out and meet you.” I pick up the phone and the boy is up like a rocket.
“No, no. I’ll get packed up and out before dinner.” Josh pauses. “I’ll have the office whipped into
shape by the time you get there.”
“I’m sure you will. Safe flight, kid.” I give him a jaunty salute as he bounces out of the room. Let’s
see what happens when these two mix again for awhile without the interference of…others.
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“Donna, where the hell is the updated itinerary?!” Joe shouted from his office.
“Keep your pants on Joe, I’m working on it.” I shout back.
“Does he normally have trouble keeping his pants on?” a voice came from behind her and she
whirled around to see a smirking Josh Lyman standing not three feet from her. “Cause I got to
tell you, as a lawyer, that’s a sexual harassment law suit waiting to happen. Maybe even a hostile
work environment case.”
“What do you know? You’re not a real lawyer.” I insist. I learned that line from CJ. I’m not sure
what she means by that, I mean the man did go to law school and pass the bar exam. However, I
noticed how it really gets under his skin, so why not use it? He roll his eyes and moves closer to
where I’m sitting in front of my laptop.
“Whatcha working on?” He asks as his head comes over my shoulder to take a closer look at
what’s on my screen. I turn my head to answer him and we’re nearly nose to nose. I can smell his
aftershave. I hastily turn back to the screen.
“Um….the final itinerary for Governor Bartlet’s first day.” I stammer. Way to play it cool, Donna.
“Where’s everybody else? Why are you guys here early?”
“The rest are coming with the Governor. Leo sent me ahead to make sure everything is in place.”
“Hey! We know what we’re doing here!” I respond.
“Yeah, I remember seeing your extensive political experience during your job interview…such as
it was.” He’s doing the smirk thing and he’s moved around me to lean his butt against my desk so
we’re facing each other.
“Joe has lots of experience and I’m getting a lot of experience around here.” I declare and watch
his face bust out in a full smile, dimples and all.
“I’d be careful who I repeated that too, because that just sounds so wrong, Donnatella.” I replay
my words in my head and groan when I realize how I phrased that.
“I’m done talking to you.” I tell him, but he just grins wider.
“That’s really no way to talk to your boss.” He teases.
“You’re not my boss, Joe is.”
“Technically, yes. But I told him I’d need some assistance while I was here and said since we’d
already worked together…” He trails off.
“No. Way.” I get up from my chair and storm over to Joe’ office. “Did you LOAN ME OUT to Josh
Lyman like I’m some kind of office furniture?!” Joe looks startled to see me in his doorway with
guns blazing.
“He’s the Director of Strategic Planning for the likely Democratic nominee for President. He gets
whatever the hell he wants. Hell, he can have my first born daughter and my office if he wants.
Have you got that finalized itinerary yet?”
“Joe!” I shout and pout at the same time which really requires effort on my part.
“I have no time to enjoy the company of your lovely daughter, and I don’t have time to have your
office fumigated, so it’s safe from me. Just set me up at a desk close to Donna and we can get
straight to work.” Josh proclaims.
“Take care of it Donna.” Joe waves me off.
“I…I can’t! I have class tonight.” Take that Lyman.
“Shit. Is it Wednesday again?” Joe asks all put out.
“Yes. It comes pretty routinely after Tuesday each week, Joe.” I tell him drolly.
“You let her talk to you like that when she worked for you?” Joe asks Josh.
“I taught her to talk like that when she worked for me.” Josh shrugged.
“You taught me that? That’s rich. I was plenty capable of…”
“Donnatella, time’s a wasting, even faster if you need to get out of here soon for school. Let’s
get moving.” He jerks his head back toward my desk.
“Donnatella?” Joe echoes.
“Shut up!” I yell back at him as I go back toward my desk and re-locate the intern sitting near me.
Josh has his ‘office’ set up in no time. “I’m sorry, but I really DO have to get to class.”
“No problem. Just leave that itinerary here for me to look at and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Josh
barely looks up from his laptop where it appears he’s trying to answer the emails of 2 or 3
hundred people.
“Here you go.” I hand it to him. “I’ll…see you in the morning.”
“Sounds good.” He waves me off and I head out. I just can’t help the feeling something is off.
Josh would never let me leave when he still had work to do before. What is wrong with this
picture?
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I’m having a hard time concentrating and I’m not sure why. Sure, it was great to see Donna in
person, but she’s been gone now for a few hours and the office is empty except for me and one
woeful intern who can’t even manage the copy machine. There is a lot to do here to make sure
we don’t the drop the ball in the final yards here.
Suddenly a light turns on above my head.
“You’re going to ruin your eyes if you don’t use proper lighting.”
“Mom! I never imagined I’d see you here!” I turn to see Donna standing by the light switch.
“You’re lucky I didn’t call her to rat you out already.” She quips. “She’s still in my list of contacts.”
“Really?” This surprises me.
“We talk one in awhile.” She admits. “I’m glad to hear your dad is doing better.”
“Me too.” I reply. “Except now he’s calling me several times a day to offer his advice on the
campaign. I keep telling him that I don’t offer advice on his trials and in return, he should keep
his nose out of my campaign.”
“But secretly you love it because that means he’s doing well enough to give you grief.”
“I guess…But if you tell anyone, I’ll deny it.”
“What is it with you and your pathological need to appear tough and uncaring at all times?”
“It would ruin my reputation! Most of what I have going for me is my pit bull image.” I explain.
“No, most of what you have going for you is that wily brain of yours. Speaking of which you
should give you’re a rest.”
“Now you really are channeling my mother.” I complain, but shut the laptop. She helps me pack
up a few folders and I put my hand on hers to stop her movement. “Donna…why did you leave
us in South Carolina?”
“I told you.” She replies quickly and packs up the rest of my files.
“Yeah, but that was a lie. You didn’t go back to freeride, you didn’t even stay in Wisconsin, so
obviously none of that was true.”
“Illinois is much closer to Wisconsin than I would be if I was traveling with the Governor Bartlet
mystery tour. I can stay put here and finish my degree.”
“If that’s what you want, then that’s what you should do, but I just don’t understand why you left in
the first place. Did I do something, say something that sent you running?”
Her face softens and she finally meets my eyes. “No, Josh. It wasn’t you. It was just me. I needed
to make a change. That’s all. Let’s go. Our day tomorrow will start early enough.”
I abandon it for now, but I’m not done with this conversation. Something prompted her speedy
exit from South Carolina and I’m going to find out what it was; just not tonight. We walk out into
the night and end up in separate cabs because we’re going in opposite directions. I’d like us to
be going in the same direction again. I miss that.
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I’d be the first to admit I’m old school politics, so maybe that’s why I don’t understand how these
two work together. Maybe it’s the new thing. It’s like the two of them have some kind of ESP that
only they can pick up. She hands him stuff before he finishes asking for it and he finishes her
sentences. It’s…disturbing. My office has the whole front wall made of glass so I can see their
every move. Lyman sure lives up to his reputation; driven and difficult to work with. Donna seems
to be the only one who isn’t scared to interact with him…and that includes me. Governor Bartlet
and the rest of his A team arrive later today for a rally and then it’s a few short hours of sleep
before the marathon to the finish line of the Illinois primary.
Finally, I can’t stand it any longer and walk over to where Lyman and Donna are huddled
together.
“Do we need to increase the ad buys?” I ask.
“No, I think you did very well handling that, Joe.” Josh replies. “Plus we’re going to ride a lot of
the free media over the next few days and I hope a lot of the voters will get a chance to see him
in person.”
“And if these numbers hold steady, God willing, we won’t even have to enlist any dead people to
vote.” Donna smiles.
“This naïve child doesn’t believe that a decent percentage of Cook County resident rise from
grave to cast their ballot. Would you tell her that’s an honest to God thing, Joe?” Josh tosses off
at her.
“It’s apocryphal.” Donna insists. “And I’m neither a child nor naïve.”
“Really? Shall we discuss Dr. Freeride?” Josh tosses back and Donna’s face falls and pales. I
think that Lyman may have stepped over some kind of line.
“Excuse me please.” Donna says quietly and nearly runs away from us and out the door.
“Damn it! I didn’t mean to…Will you excuse me a minute? I need to pull my foot out of my mouth
and apologize.”
“If you don’t mind some advice, I’d let her have a minute and grovel when she returns. There’s a
flower place around the corner; couldn’t hurt.” I suggest based on my 36 year old marriage.
“Yeah…okay.” Josh rubs his eyes with his fingers. “You guys have really done a great job here.
Leo and the Governor are going to be very impressed.”
“Thanks.” I puff up a bit. I’ve worked tons of Statewide races, but this is the first time I’ve tried my
hand at a national campaign. I look over at this younger man and see where he’s at in his
political career. It’s quite impressive. But from what I’ve been able to tell, he doesn’t have
anything else in his life. If that’s the trade off, I’ll stick with my wife and my three beautiful
daughters along with my grandkids. There’s more to life than politics.
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Chapter 6
“How much longer?”
“Sam, I swear to God, if you ask me that one more time, I’m going to toss your ass out the
window.” Toby growls.
“You really aren’t a good traveler, Toby, you know that?” I tease. What? It’s a long bus ride and I
have to entertain myself somehow.
“Not when I have to spend endless hours on a bus with you, I’m not. How come Josh got to fly out
ahead of us anyway?” He shouts up toward Leo, who ignores him.
Watch this. “Just think Toby, once the Governor is President, we’ll be able to travel on Air Force
One all the time. That will sure beat busing it won’t it?” I smile and wait for the eruption.
“Damn it! What the hell did I tell you about saying shit like that?! Are you TRYING to jinx us?”
Toby literally stands up and throws his papers all over the bus. It looks like it’s raining speech
pages. CJ and I exchange malicious grins. She must be bored too. “No need to write an
acceptance speech for Illinois now. I hope you’re happy with single handedly bringing down the
POSSIBLE Democratic Presidential nominee. Did you hear what Princeton just said back here,
Leo?!” He demands.
“Settle down back there or I’ll have Margaret hit you with the tazer.” Leo calls back.
“You have to do something now before it’s too late.” Toby instructs me. “You have to go outside,
turn around three times and curse.”
“We’re on a moving vehicle, Toby.” I laugh.
“You should have thought of that before you said the other thing.” He reminds me.
“What other thing? About when Bartlet is President?” I try to keep a straight face, I really do, but
we haven’t had much sleep and I’m just punchy.
“That’s it. I’m moving up front. And you,” he points to me, “you stay far away from me so the
lightning bolt from the whatever high atop the thing doesn’t get me too.” Toby stomps forward
muttering the whole way.
“Now what will we do to entertain ourselves for the last hour of the trip?” CJ asks.
“Take nap?” I suggest.
“That’s as good a plan as any I guess.” CJ rolls up her long discarded jacket and places it
between her head and the window. “Have you talked to Josh today?”
“Right before we left.”
“How are things going with him and Donna?” She asks sleepily.
“Hard to say. He doesn’t mention her much other than they worked on this or that together.” I
share. “She never went back to Wisconsin after South Carolina.”
CJ sits up again. “I thought you said that was the reason she was leaving us? She missed
Wisconsin and was going back to the medical student asshole?”
“It was. I read the letter myself.”
“Then what…” CJ muses. “Or is a who?”
“Who?”
“That’s what I’d like to find out.” CJ mutters.
“You lost me.” I confess.
“I think maybe Donna had a little help making the decision to leave.” CJ smiles grimly.
“Who would do that? Everybody loved Donna, even Mrs. Landingham adored her.” I point out.
“Not EVERYONE loved her.” CJ corrects me. “Who was the one person, strike that, the ONLY
person who complained when Donna joined us for drinks or when Josh would stay late and work
with Donna?”
I have to think back now since it’s been a few months. Then it hits me like a flash. “Mandy.”
“Got it one.” CJ leans back against the glass again. “I’ll bet you my very nice Corvette garaged in
California right now that Donna had a little help packing her bags from Mandy.”
“That’s pretty low…even for Mandy.” I say doubtfully.
“You’re so idealistic, Samuel, I hope that never changes.” CJ smiles at me but I’m not sure it’s a
compliment. “Mandy was jealous and she knows how to manipulate people. Anyway, I’ll find out
for sure when we get there. Donna can’t keep anything from me.” She closes her eyes and tries
to get some sleep. I decide I’d better try to do the same.
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“Are you ready?” He asks me.
”Ready for what?”
“The bus. They’ll be here any minute and the Governor landed 20 minutes ago so they should
be right along as well.”
“Then you should go out and meet them.” The flowers he put on my desk were beautiful and the
apology note that went with them actually painful with its sincerity so I’ve said no more about it.
“Nuh-uh.” He shakes his head. “Not without you. I know several people who are very anxious to
see you.”
“I highly doubt it.”
“You don’t have to doubt or have faith, just come with me.” He holds out a hand for me and I
tentatively take it. He’s been very careful not to touch me while he’s been here. It makes me a
little sad. He used to put his arm around me when we’d walk or pull on my hair when he teased
me. I wonder if he thinks I thought it was too much and that’s why I left. I wish I could tell him the
truth.
We only wait on the sidewalk a few minutes before the campaign bus rolls up. Toby is the first
one off complaining about something idiotic the ‘kid’ did. I assume he’s referring to Sam, but
when he sees me he stops his rant long enough to speak to me.
“Hey, you’ve been doing good on TV. You should come back with us. Where the hell is the
coffee?”
I point him in the right direction and he nods his thanks. Leo is next and gives me a hug. “Good
to see you, kid. I hear you’re burning my city down here.”
“Your city? You’re from Chicago?” I ask.
“Am I from Chicago?” He hits Josh across the shoulder. “You didn’t tell her I’m from Chicago?”
“It didn’t come up.” Josh shrugs, smiling.
“You’re useless you know that?” Leo grouses but he does is with a grin. “Born and raised here,
Donna. I’ll introduce you to places you wouldn’t find in 30 years living here. Have you tried
Carson’s Ribs yet?”
“Uh…no.” I admit. “I haven’t really had the time…”
“Or the money, I imagine.” Josh interrupts and Leo gives him a dirty look. Leo is known for his
rather expensive taste in EVERYTHING.
“I’ll take you there, my treat. We’ll leave this cretin all alone at the hotel.” Leo promises and I
beam at him. Next, I’m enveloped in a hug from CJ.
“I am SO proud of you! You’ve been doing a fabulous job with the reporters.” She gushes. “You
look so good, too!”
“So do you.” I reply but she brushes it off.
“My clothes are wrinkled, my voice is cracking, my makeup wore off somewhere in Indiana, and I’
ve been on a bus with all these stinky men for hours!” She explains. “Wait a second. This isn’t
our hotel. I was told we were going to our hotel first!”
“Pit stop here, then on to the hotel to change and get ready for the rally.” Josh fills her in
“And a shower right? I’ll have time for a shower?” She asks a little desperately.
“You might even have time for a bath.” Josh replies.
“Joshua Lyman, don’t tease me like that or I swear to God…”
“It’s the truth. Donna found a great place right by the rally venue so it cuts down on travel time.”
Josh holds his hands up in the age honored gesture of ‘I’m telling the truth here’ and after CJ
confirms this with a glance at me, she hugs me again.
“You are a Goddess, Donna Moss.” She proclaims before she follows the herd. Before I can
respond, an SUV pulls up and the Governor and his entourage arrive.
“Donna, it’s good to see you. Tell me you’ve been filling out absentee ballots for me all week
long.” The Governor requests.
“He’s just kidding!” Leo calls to the people surrounding us and I laugh. Sometimes, I get the
feeling that the Governor may not be taking this as seriously as the rest of us.
“We have a campaign office VERY excited people who are anxious to meet you, sir. We’re ready
to hit the final stretch.”
“Then lead on.” He orders and we all head inside together.
I have a feeling this could be fun. I only wish I was staying at the hotel with the rest of them
instead of my tiny apartment with my roommate Jan and her two cats. Still, the gang is all here,
or more importantly MOST of the gang is here and that makes me feel better already.
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“You run the room! How do you do that?” She asks me.
“I mostly fake it.” I drawl.
“You do not!” Donna insists.
“I seriously do.” I admit. “Look, I’m starting to earn the respect of the other boys on the team, and
the Governor has stopped calling me ‘the tall girl’ and has started using my name but it’s an
upward battle.”
“That’s very disheartening. I was hoping there was some trick you could teach me.” We’re both a
little tipsy from the fundraiser tonight. “Every time Joe sends me out with a release my heart
starts hammering and I break out in a cold sweat.”
“Welcome to my world.” I laugh and drop back on my bed. Neither of us are quite ready to end
the evening even though we have to get up ungodly early tomorrow for another packed day of
campaigning. “You’re handling it well.”
“It’s just bits and pieces, here and there. Nobody will even pay attention to us here once the
primary is over.”
“There’s still the general.” I point out. “What I want to know is how you just walked in and
garnered a job as Joe Warner’s assistant and then the Chicago office spokesperson. He’s an
experienced operative here. People just don’t walk off the street and get that job.”
“Why not? That’s precisely what I did in Nashua. And some might argue that Josh Lyman is
further up the political operative food chain that Joe Warner.” She chuckles. “Starting with Josh
Lyman.”
“No doubt, but there’s more to this story. Fess up.” I command and see her eyes drop to the
carpet. “Donna?”
“I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to still work for the Governor in some way. Chicago
offered me a chance to do both.” She sidesteps.
“You disappoint me grasshopper.” I tell her and her face shoots up to meet mine and her eyes
get big. “I thought you understood the true meaning of the sisterhood. We can share anything
and keep it completely between us, we can even choose not to share, but we never lie to each
other.”
“CJ…” She whines just a bit and that may work on Josh, but it does nothing for me.
“That letter you wrote Josh was bullshit.” I state and she opens her mouth to protest. “But that’s
between the two of you and really none of my business. When you give me the same bullshit
story though…”
“It’s not that simple.” She begins.
“It never is. Try me.”
“After South Carolina…when it came out in front of everyone that Josh was paying my salary out
of his own…I was embarrassed and worried about how it looked to everyone. I
felt…uncomfortable to say the least.”
“I can understand that.” I acknowledge. “But you know, and everyone close to you and Josh
know, he was truly trying to do something nice for you and you’d already earned the respect of
everyone on staff.”
“Maybe. But I was afraid that our relationship might be misinterpreted or blown up by someone in
the press covering the campaign and then…”
“You didn’t trust me to handle it?” I ask. I know she’s still blowing smoke but we’re getting closer.
“I didn’t want you to HAVE to handle it.” She counters. “I didn’t want Josh to have to handle it
either.”
“You should have discussed this with one of us before you made a decision. Any one of the
senior staffers could have told you it wouldn’t amount to anything.”
“I did and…” She stops abruptly. Ding, ding, ding…we have a winner. “Never mind.”
“What did Mandy say to you Donna?” I prod.
“I know what you’re thinking but she was very supportive.” Donna maintains.
“Oh, I’m sure she was.” I do my best Mandy impression for her. “I’m so sorry, Donna, Josh can be
such an oblivious jerk sometimes. Now he’s put you in this awkward position where people are
going to be wondering how you, without any college degree, got this job and just what he was
paying you in cash for.”
Her eyes widen so I figure I’m pretty much on the money.
“She played you Donna.” I tell her quietly.
“But she helped me figure things out. She even wrote me a letter of recommendation to take o
the Chicago office.” She objects.
“I don’t doubt it, though I’m surprised she settled for getting you only as far away as Chicago. I
would’ve figured the Puerto Rican Islands.” I mutter. “She didn’t like how close you and Josh
were so she moved you and in true political operator style she even managed to convince you
that it was your idea, right?” Donna nods. “Don’t feel bad. She’s played much more politically
savvy people than you. Look how long she had Josh snowed!”
“Had? Past tense?” She confirms.
“They still have to work together but they’re not seeing each other anymore.” I explain and I can
tell that she’s processing that information.
“She said some other things.” Donna tells me quietly and sits next to me on the bed. “She said it
was lucky for me that Josh was so clueless or he’d have already figured out that I…”
“That you what?” I prompt her and rub her back in gentle circles to offer some comfort during
this difficult conversation.
“That I have…feelings for him. She said if he figured it out he’d have transferred me to another
department himself. I just couldn’t take that, CJ. I couldn’t. To embarrass the man who saved me
when I needed saving the most? Who helped me feel successful and confident for the first time
in years?”
“What Josh did; taking a chance on hiring you? That was about his intuitive feeling that you
could do well with him; with us.”
“How do you know?” She laughs in disbelief.
“Because he told me so. When I asked him what possessed him to take you on as his assistant,
he told me that he had a feeling that anyone with enough moxie to drive across country, walk
into a campaign office for a long shot candidate, and convinced him they could be valuable,
obviously had what it took to work with him.”
There. That made her smile.
“My point is, that after he took that initial chance on you, a chance he thinks you earned by the
way, the rest you did on your own. You’ve worked like a dog and picked things up quicker than
anyone else I’ve seen.”
“Because he took the time to teach me.” She replies softly.
“With a level of patience Sam said he’s never seen in Josh before and Sam has known Josh for
years.” I share. “I think there’s more to the picture than either of you realize.”
“It hardly matters now.” She shrugs, gets up from my bed and lies down on the matching double
bed sighing. “I’m settled here. I love my job, I love taking classes, and life is good.”
“Good.” I lie down too and join her staring at the ceiling. “I guess now you just have to decide if
good is good enough or if things might be better if you rejoined the traveling freak show that is
Bartlet for America.”
She laughs and it’s a nice sound. “I’ll give it some thought. You don’t care if I just fall asleep right
here, do you? I don’t think I can make it back to my place.”
“Go right ahead. My wakeup call is set for 5.” I inform her and fall into a deep, exhausted sleep.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
“I’ve got something for you.” I tell her.
“Is it coffee?” She rasps. She sounds very tired.
“Better.”
“At this hour, on this day, there is nothing better than coffee.” She disputes.
“I’ve got your new credentials.” I spill and hold out a cheap chain with a new picture ID and USSS
letters and numbers embossed on it. “It’s like déjà vu, isn’t it?” I grin. “Except this one is much
harder to get than the last one. This one will get you into the first circle of the Governor’s
perimeter.”
“It might be harder for some people, but I have nothing in my background that would make
getting through vetting difficult.”
“I don’t know, Donnatella, they had a few questions about parking tickets.”
“But sometimes I can’t find a space!” She objects with the most adorable pout on her face. She
takes the new credentials and slips the chain around her neck. I move my hand underneath her
long hair and gently pull it over the chain. She gives me a strange look, but says nothing about
my actions. Damn. I’ve been trying so hard to keep my hands off her; keep things strictly
professional, but it’s hard. I just don’t want to scare her off like I obviously did last time now that
we’re working side by side again.
“I’m sure they’ll take that into consideration.” I tease. She looks over the ID photo.
“Why can’t they ever use a decent picture for these things?” She asks.
“It’s not so bad, look at mine.” I hold mine out and she stifles a laugh.
“Doesn’t your new assistant make sure you look presentable before you get in front of a
camera?”
“I really don’t think she gives me the level of care and devotion you did. You should come back
and show her how it’s done.” Shit. I didn’t mean to push that right now. I was going to wait until
the primary was over when everyone was basking in the glow of the primary win…Sorry, Toby.
“You’re just going to have to muddle through on your own.”
“This is the thanks I get for securing this cool new badge for you? You were a lot more grateful
for the last one I gave you.”
“I was unemployed and broke when you gave me that one.” She counters.
“Fair point.” I admit. “Still; I had to write a character letter for you to put in your FBI file.”
“You HAD to.” She mocks and walks blearily to the communal coffee maker.
“That looks pretty gross, Donna. Let’s take a walk over to Starbucks and get the good stuff.”
“It’s five blocks away. I can’t possibly walk that far right now.” She moans.
I take the coffee pot out of her hand and replace it. “You can lean on me. Come on, the fresh air
will do you some good.” I take her by the hand and decide not to let go as we make our way to
Starbucks. After all, she works for Joe now, not me. “Did you get your homework done?”
“Not exactly.” She moans.
“Donna! This is important.” I chastise her.
“I explained the situation to my professor and she granted me a two week extension.” She
explains.
“What’s the assignment?” I ask out of curiosity.
“To do an analysis of the voting record of someone running for re-election.”
“Are you freaking kidding me? You’ve got Governor Bartlet standing next to you most of the day
for several days. Talk to him about it.”
“Are YOU freaking kidding me? He’s running neck and neck with Senator Hoynes for the
Democratic nomination and you think he should take time out to help me with my homework?”
“I’m not saying you should interrupt him while he’s giving an address, but when you’re on the bus
going back and forth someplace…”
“Absolutely not.” She says unequivocally and stares at me until I nod understanding. I’ll just
figure out a way to casually mention to the Governor that Donna has this assignment and he’ll
be chomping at the bit to talk to her. “And no going to the Governor behind my back either.” How
does she DO that?
“How about a friendly wager then?” I suggest and see her eyes narrow.
“Consisting of what…exactly?” Look how she doesn’t trust me at all and knows how to pin me
down in the conversation. Is she amazing or what?
“If the Governor wins the primary here in 3 days, you will ask the Governor for some time
afterwards to help you complete your assignment on time.” I lay it out.
“And if he loses?” She asks. As. If. I shrug as to indicate it doesn’t matter to me at all since it will
never happen. “$50 Starbucks gift card.” Donna smirks.
“FIFTY bucks?!” I object for the hell of it. “I’m pretty sure drinking $50 worth of coffee isn’t good
for you Donna.”
“Ah, I see. You have doubts as to your ability to pull this off. That’s fine then.” She looks away
from me toward the street. Yes, I know she’s playing me. I just seem to be helpless to do
anything about it.
“I have no doubts.” I decree. “You’re on.” I let go of her right hand just long enough for her to
use it to shake with mine before tucking it back into my left hand again. This is going to be the
best primary night ever.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Chapter 7
I am flying high. High on life. We have worked our asses off and very soon, they are going to
announce the winner of the Illinois primary and we’re going to do some major partying. I didn’t
say what we’d be celebrating…but I could. It’s going to happen I know it. How do I know it?
Because Josh knows it and his steadfast, unshakable belief is enough to carry me over any last
remaining doubts.
The Governor has been very crabby all day, but I figure he must be exhausted and thinking
about the implications of his possible win tonight. Sam wrote the most beautiful speech for
tonight and I can’t wait to hear the Governor deliver it. Of course CJ handles all press matters
now, but that’s fine with me. I’ve been working almost as closely with her as I have been with
Josh; and boy does that piss HIM off. CJ is every bit as patient a teacher as Josh and we’ve got
the sisterhood going for us too.
I walk around the war room suite and the electricity is palpable. I hear Josh getting into
something with Mrs. Bartlet after the Governor gets done shouting again. I skirt around both of
them and huddle by the TV with CJ and Toby. My stomach will NOT settle down. When my cell
phone vibrates in my pocket, I almost ignore it since I don’t want to miss the moment they call this
thing, but I check the caller ID out of habit and see that the call is coming from the Lyman
residence.
“Donna Moss.” I answer, not sure if Noah or Sarah is on the line; sometimes I luck out and get
both. I wonder fleetingly why they didn’t just call Josh on his cell but then it occurs to me that he’s
probably either turned it to silent or let the battery run out. I think I bought him 5 new batteries in
the time I was with him. They’d run down and he wouldn’t have his charger and…well, you get
the idea.
“Donna? It’s Sarah.” I can barely hear her with all the noise in here but her voice doesn’t sound
right.
“Hold on a second, Sarah. Let me step out of this noisy room.” I tell her and hurry out to the
hallway and shut the door on the noise behind me. “Okay, sorry about that. It’s louder than a
Nascar race in there and…”
“Donna, are you with Josh?” She interrupts me. I don’t think she’s ever done that before.
“Not at the moment. He’s in the suite with the Governor and that loud group of people I just left.”
“But you’re at the hotel with Josh? He said you’d be with him tonight.”
“Yes, everyone is here. It’s pretty exciting.” Sarah says nothing and that alarms me. “Sarah?
What is it? Is something wrong?” Now I can hear her crying.
“I need your help, Donna.”
“Of course, anything.” I promise hastily.
“Donna…Noah died…just a few minutes ago.” She tells me through her tears.
“No! I thought…Josh said the chemo was going well; that the doctors were more optimistic.”
“It wasn’t the cancer. He developed a pulmonary embolism. It’s a blood clot. He died instantly.
There wasn’t any pain or suffering. You need to tell Josh there wasn’t any suffering.”
“I…I can’t tell him this Sarah. Please. He’ll be devastated.” I relay. “I’ll go get him from the suite
and bring him out here so he can talk to you privately and…”
“Donna, he can’t hear this over the phone. He needs someone to tell him in person. Someone
who cares about him and he feels comfortable with. It has to be you. I’m so sorry to ask this of
you, but I need you to help Josh now. After you tell him, he’ll need a little time to pull himself
together and then he can call me. He won’t want to let go with me on the phone. Please?”
“Alright. I’ll go speak to him now. You’ll stay by the phone?”
“Of course. Donna, I don’t know how to thank you. I know what an imposition this is.”
“Sarah? Are you okay?”
“I’m a little rough, but I’ll be better knowing you’re there taking care of Josh. I need my son,
Donna.”
“I’ll make sure he’s there as soon as possible. We’ll be calling back soon.” I say goodbye and
take a deep breath before re-entering the suite. I’ll find Josh, bring him to CJ’s room, she gave
me an extra key, and break the news to him as gently as I can in private. As soon as I step inside
though, my plan is shot to hell. Illinois has been called for the Governor. The room is in absolute
pandemonium. I weave my way around trying to get to Josh when he catches sight of me. He
grabs my hand and his dimples take over his face. I hate to be the one to take this away from
him but it has to be done now and it has to be done quickly.
“Josh?” I use his name to get his attention focused back on me.
“You’ve got to get happy, Donna, you just won the Illinois primary. Come dance with me!” He
pulls me into the crowd where CJ and Sam are already getting down to “Celebrate”.
“No, Josh, no!” I pull him back away from the crowd. This is going to hurt. “Josh…your father
died.” His jaw drops and I see the moment it hits him. Without another word, I pull him quickly
from the suite, down the hallway, and into CJ’s room. I sit him on the bed and grab one of the
little bottles of Whiskey from the mini bar. I pour it into a glass and wrap his hands around it.
“Take a drink, Josh.”
“How? What happened?” He asks me quietly. “I just spoke to him last night.”
“Apparently there was a pulmonary embolism. Your mom said to tell you that he died instantly
and wasn’t in any pain.”
“Mom called you?” He’s looking at me in confusion, like he’s trying to shake out of a bad dream.
“She wanted someone with you when you were told. She’s waiting for you to call her back when
you’re ready.”
“He was doing better; all the doctors said he was doing better.” Josh choked on a sob. “It’s not
fair.”
“No. No, it’s not. I’m so sorry.” I sit next to him with my arm around his shoulder. “He loved you so
much, Josh. He was always bragging about how smart you are and how good you are at your
job, but he was also very proud of the kind of man you’ve become.”
“I just can’t believe he’s gone.” Finally the tears come and he lays his head on my shoulder while
my tears start to fall and mix with his.
“What can I do?” I ask.
“You’re doing it.” He answers. We sit there in silence for a few minutes, just two people sharing
heartache over a personal and unexpected loss.
“Are you up to calling your mom? I think it would really help her to hear your voice right now.”
He nods his head slowly and downs the rest of the Whiskey in one gulp before handing me the
empty glass. I trade him the glass for my cell phone.
“It’s in my contact list under Sarah L. You stay here. I’m going to let Leo know what’s going on
and get your stuff together. I’ll look into flights too.”
He nods slightly and I take that as confirmation for my plans. I hear him begin his conversation
with his mother before I leave to give him some privacy.
Leo is shocked at the news and wants to see Josh, but I discourage it for the moment. I explain
my plan to get us tickets to Connecticut. If he thinks it’s odd that I’m planning to fly home with
Josh, Leo doesn’t let on at all. I then share the news with Sam and get him to go back to the
room he shares with Josh and pack his things for him. We’ll have to make a pit stop at my place
on the way to the airport so I can get supplies for a couple days. Next, I get online and book the
tickets. We’re going to have to switch planes in New York but it’s still the fastest route to
Westport.
Sam brings Josh’s suitcase into the suite, I print out our boarding passes, and he accompanies
me back to CJ’s room.
“God, Josh, I’m so sorry.” Sam envelopes his friend in a hug, both of them have tears in their
eyes. “They simply don’t come any better than Noah Lyman. I’ll miss him so much.”
“Thanks, Sam… for everything.” Josh gestures to his suitcase.
“Let me give you two a ride to the airport.” Sam offers and I accept before Josh can answer.
“Two? Donna, you don’t need to come to the airport with me.” Josh shakes his head.
“I really do, or I’m not going to be able to make my flight to Connecticut by way of JFK.” I explain
and turn to Sam. “We have to make a quick stop at my place and we need to leave now if we’re
going to make the flight.”
“Then let’s go.” Sam determines, handing Josh his backpack, but hanging on to Josh’s suitcase
himself. It’s a silent ride to the airport. I was in and out of my apartment in under ten minutes. I
think I should get some kind of award for that.
When we get there, I check the bags using curb side check in while Sam shares a few last
private words with his friend.
“We need to go.” I remind them both quietly and with one final hug, the two friends separate. We
get to our gate and I decide to get us both some coffee before we board. I’m not the only one
with that idea and the line takes forever…plus the coffee sucks when I get it.
When I walk back, I see an unusual sight. The Governor, and presumptive Democratic nominee
for President, surrounded by Secret Service, is seated next to Josh having a private chat. As I
approach them, one of the Secret Service agents holds out a hand to stop my progress. I set the
coffees down and fish my credentials out from inside my purse. Once he inspects them, he lets
me pass. They’re calling our flight but both men are standing now so it looks like the
conversation is winding down.
“There she is.” The Governor smiles at me. “I was just offering to go with Josh to Connecticut,
but he told me how you’ve taken charge of getting him home tonight. Take good care of him,
okay?”
“Yes, sir.” I agree immediately. “Congratulations on your win tonight, Governor.”
“Our win tonight, Donna; OUR win.” He corrects me and my respect for this man goes up yet
another notch.
“Yes, sir.” I say sincerely. “We need to go now, Josh.”
“Be on your way then.” Governor Bartlet instructs us. “And Josh? Take as much time as you and
your mother need. We’ll plug along without you for awhile.” Josh nods his understanding and
within minutes we’re seated on the plane and taking off into the dark night sky. I took his hand in
mine once we had our seat belts off, and he hasn’t let go of it since. My poor, Joshua. This is
going to be awful for him.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
We’re finally in a cab to Mom and Dad’s house. The trip has seemed interminable. I can only
imagine how horrible it would be if Donna weren’t here with me. I still can’t believe how she just
dropped everything and bought our tickets out here. That reminds me, I need to pay her back
for the tickets. I’m surprised she had enough money to buy them actually. With rent and
school…things have got to be tight for her. I reel my mind back in from all these superfluous
thoughts. I think I’m trying to distract myself from the reality that my dad won’t be there when we
arrive. My dad is gone; first Joanie and now Dad. Part of me hopes they’re together now, just like
mom and I have each other. We’re all that’s left of my family.
I can feel the tears fall again and turn to look out the side window in an attempt to hide my
distress from Donna, but it doesn’t work. She rubs my back and leans her head on my shoulder.
“I’m right here for as long as you need me.” She whispers.
“I’ll always need you.” I whisper back without forethought. I freeze for a second, waiting for her
reaction, but she just continues rubbing my back and shoulders. I decide not to comment further.
Besides, the more I think about it, the more I think what I said was the truth. I don’t think I would’
ve gotten this far without her. I hope I never have to find out.
We pull up to the house and I hear Donna’s gasp. To me it’s just home, but looking at it fresh
from Donna’s point of view, I can see why she’d be impressed; it’s a pretty big house on a 4 acre
plot of land. She hasn’t even seen the backyard with its pool and guest-house. She turns back to
give me an accusing look.
“You’re rich.”
“I guess.” I shrug.
“No, not ‘I guess’. You’re rich. Filthy rich.” She charges.
“There’s no reason to get nasty. The money was all earned honestly I assure you.” I tease her
just a bit. “Let’s get our things inside, shall we?”
Now she looks like she’s ready to bolt. “Are you sure I should come in? I can find a hotel close
by.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Mom wouldn’t hear of it and neither would I. As you can see, there’s plenty
of room for the three of us.” I point out.
“The three of us and 300 of our closest friends.” She mutters. I pay the driver as he hands us
our bags. The front door opens before we can even climb the stairs. My mother, her eyes red
rimmed and her face drawn, pulls me into a hug and squeezes me tighter than I ever remember.
“Oh, Joshua…Mein kind…” She rocks us back and forth a bit before she notices Donna. “And
Donnatella! You flew out with my Joshua? You are an angel.” She pulls Donna into our family
circle.
“It was the least I could do.” Donna tells her. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I loved talking to Noah;
he was a fine man. He will be missed terribly.”
“Such a dear.” Mom’s hand cups Donna’s chin. “Where are my manners? Please come inside.
Joshua, put her things in one of the guest rooms, will you please?”
“Sarah, I wasn’t intending to intrude. I just didn’t want Josh to travel alone.” Donna objects.
“Donna, you’re not going to insult me by refusing my hospitality are you? The very first time we
meet?” Mom’s injured tone causes Donna’s eyes to widen in shock.
“No! Not at all! I just didn’t want to butt in during family time.” Donna disputes.
“Then stop this nonsense and come inside. You both must be exhausted. Josh will take you to
the guest room where you can splash some water on your face and freshen up. Then you’ll eat
some food I made you for you.”
“Sarah, it’s almost 1 AM. We don’t need to eat and you should get some rest.” Donna protests.
“It makes me feel good to see Josh eat and I’m sure you haven’t had a bite in hours either. We’ll
all have some fresh, hot comfort food and then get some sleep.” Mom dictated.
“It’s easier to just do what she says.” I advise Donna.
“Yes, listen to Joshua… just this once.” Mom winks at Donna and they both share an amused
glance. Then Donna and I sleepily trudge upstairs. I put her in the guest room closest to mine; it
has its own bathroom and I think she’ll be more comfortable here than any of the other guest
rooms in the house.
“Take your time. I’ll meet you in the kitchen downstairs.” I tell her.
“Will I need a map?” She quips.
“You’ll need to turn left at the bottom of the stairs and walk toward the sound of our voices and
the clattering of dishes.” I explain. “Or you can get to the bottom of the stairs and shout ‘Marco!’
and I’ll respond, ‘Polo!’ until you find us.”
She gives me a fake glare but then her face softens. “You’re sure it’s okay that I’m here?”
“I’m very grateful you’re here. Change into something comfortable and come downstairs.” I leave
her bag next to her and close the door behind me. I’m not ready yet to think about why I’m so
glad she’s here when I know I’m most vulnerable. I can only deal with so much right now.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
My Joshua looks haggard. I don’t mean just tired. I’m used to Josh looking tired. Harvard and
Yale, then political internships and political campaigns; he always works himself to the bone like
he has something to prove to everyone… or maybe he’s just trying to prove it to himself, which is
infinitely harder.
“Slice the bread, will you?” I ask him. “I’ve got soup on and we’ll have some sandwiches to go
with it.”
“You just baked this. It’s still warm.” He notes.
“It gave me something to do while I waited for you to arrive.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. Sorry that I wasn’t here when you needed me.” He says quietly.
“You came exactly when I needed you, Joshua.” I contradict him. “It was just another routine
chemo treatment. Nobody had any inkling of trouble and then like that,” I snap my fingers. “He
was just gone.” My eyes fill with tears. Noah was not only my husband; he was my best friend on
earth. I’m going to be so lonely here without him.
He sets the bread down and takes me into his strong arms. “I should have stayed here. I shouldn’
t have ever even gone to Nashua.”
I know exactly what he’s talking about of course. Leo and Noah cooked up this scheme to get
Josh to Nashua to listen to Jed Bartlet. They were convinced once Josh heard Governor Bartlet
he’d jump off the Hoynes bandwagon and hit the trail with Bartlet. Do they know my son, or what?
“If you had stayed here instead of going with Leo, your father would have been pissed and
Hoynes would be sewing up the Democratic nomination instead of Bartlet. Noah was so proud of
everything you were doing Josh. He watched show after show analyzing the horse race and
listening for the mention of your name or waiting for a glimpse of you on TV. The best times were
when you went on a program as the Governor’s point man. Noah would beam for hours
afterward! Then for the next week, he’d ask anyone who had a pulse if they’d seen his brilliant
son making mincemeat out of his political opponent. Don’t regret that you went to Nashua, Josh,
your father never did.”
“I just… wish I’d been here.” He admits. “To see him one more time. To tell him how much I loved
him. To tell him everything I am, everything I’ve done is because of what you both taught me.”
“He knew that. Neither of us have ever doubted any of that.” I assure him. “The last thing he
would ever want is for you to go on a guilt trip for not being here. Neither of us doubted that if we
needed you here for a day, a week, a month or a year, you’d have dropped everything to be
here. It was unforeseeable; even to a man as brilliant as you. You’re not to blame this time any
more than you were to blame when it was Joanie.”
He startles when I mention his sister’s name. I don’t think he expected me to say any of that out
loud. I don’t know if HE has ever said it out loud. I hope he has, but I doubt it.
“It seems like…” He begins.
“I know. But it’s not your fault. None of it is. Nor is it your responsibility. I’m going to need to
depend on you to help get me through this Joshua, so you can’t be wallowing in misplaced guilt,
understand?”
“Yeah. Governor Bartlet said to stay as long as I needed to so you appear to be stuck with me
for awhile.” He shrugs and goes back to slicing the fresh bread.
“A mother’s dream-come-true; time alone with her only son.” I smile.
“Mom, I think we should…” He breaks off when we hear Donna’s voice coming from the direction
of the stairs.
“MARCO!” Okay, that’s an unusual thing to be yelling. Josh bursts out laughing; his eyes actually
twinkle.
“POLO!” He shouts back and takes a couple steps toward the doorway to the kitchen. “Donna
made a joke about getting lost in the house and I told her if she couldn’t find us to…”
“Shout ‘Marco’.” I get it and it is a pleasant break from the heaviness of our conversation. I never
questioned my instant liking for Donna. Sometimes you just click with people when you speak to
them and we’ve had plenty of opportunity to speak Donna and me. But even if I’d disliked her
before this, watching the smile reach Josh’s eyes as the two of them continue their shouts of
‘Marco’ and ‘Polo’ would turn me into her biggest fan.
“Donna, you look much more comfortable.” I tell her observing that she’s changed into sweat
pants and a T-shirt. “I’ve got the soup all heated up and Josh has sliced some bread for
sandwiches.”
“What can I do to help?” She asks and I can tell this is just part of her personality, not an attempt
to suck up to the mother. This is what Donna does; she helps people.
“Would you like to get some of the deli meats out of the fridge? There should be some cheese
and lettuce there too.”
“It looks like you’re prepared to feed a platoon.” She notes when she sees the contents of the
fridge.
“It will probably resemble more of a small army by the time everyone stops by tomorrow.” Josh
predicts.
Donna goes about setting the food out and with some guidance from Josh, gets everything to set
the table. When we sit down to eat I get a chance to observe them together without distractions
as we discuss what needs to be done. Josh promises to look at Noah’s will and other papers in
the morning. I share that our Rabbi will be by around 10 to finalize the plans for the 7 PM funeral.
This isn’t anything I’d imagined I’d be dealing with when I got up this morning… or yesterday
morning now I guess. However, the interactions I’m observing between Josh and Donna go a
long way toward making me feel better.
Wordlessly, they pass items back and forth. Donna steals chips off my son’s plate without any
comment from Josh. They’re sharing a single bottle of beer. Donna covers Josh’s hand with her
own when we’re discussing Noah’s will. Josh rubs Donna’s shoulders when he notices she’s
rolling her head from shoulder to shoulder. When did Josh start noticing when someone else was
hurting?
“You’re both asleep sitting up. We should all get some rest.” I decide. Donna starts to gather the
dishes but I wave her away and simply set them on the counter to be dealt with tomorrow. “Go up
to bed now children.” I kiss both their cheeks and send them on their way. Moments later I’m
alone in the bed that I’ve shared with Noah for over 40 years. It’s incredibly cold and lonely. I don’
t know what I’m going to do without him.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I’m not sure what wakes me up, maybe just a strange sound in a strange place. But I startle
awake and after remembering that I’m in the guest room at the Lyman estate, my heart rate
slows again…then I hear the noise. I’m sure I’m perfectly safe here but I feel compelled to seek
out the source of the noise.
I wander down the hall and see a light coming out of the last room on the right. Is Sarah having
trouble sleeping? I quietly move down the hallway and peek around the corner wanting to make
sure Sarah is okay but not wanting to intrude on her privacy. Imagine my shock when I see that it’
s Josh slamming drawers and rummaging through a box of some kind.
“Josh?” He literally jumps when I call his name.
“God, Donna, you scared the crap out of me. What are you doing up?”
“I heard something. I wanted to check and make sure Sarah was okay.”
“The Master Suite is on the main floor. We’re the only ones up here.” He informs me.
I nod my understanding. “Are you okay?”
“I couldn’t sleep so I decided to go through some of my dad’s things.”
“Don’t you think it would be better to wait to look at that until you’ve had some sleep?” I suggest
gently.
“Dad’s filing system could rival yours. I’m sure all the various forms and papers are here and in
perfect order, Dad was a great attorney, but finding it all before it’s time for my funeral…”
“Josh, don’t.” I warn him sternly.
“I mean, I’m sure his filing system made perfect sense to him, but you’d think he would have
taken the time to explain it to me before…” He chokes on the next word.
“Stop, please.” I beg him. “You’re not angry about his filing system, you’re angry that he’s gone.”
Josh puts his head in his hands and cries. “It wasn’t his choice, Josh. He would never have left
you and your mom by choice. Look how hard he was battling the cancer; and he was winning the
fight too!”
“Then why?” Josh looks up at me with tears streaming down his face. “With Joanie it was a freak
accident with a popcorn maker; a popcorn maker, Donna! Do you know how many things had to
go wrong for a short in the wire of a popcorn maker to escalate before taking my sister’s life?
What a fluke it was that I got out alive? Now Dad! He’s finally chasing the cancer away and he’s
felled by a pulmonary embolism? Does that make any sense to you? To anyone?”
“No.” I shake my head sadly. “It doesn’t. And it never will. But you are the strongest person I
know. You will get through this. And you’ll help your mother get through this. I know it.”
Josh laughs humorlessly. “You know it do you?”
“Remember? I’m tuned to you.” I give him a small smile, which surprisingly, he returns.
“Yeah. Yeah, you are.”
“Then you should take it from me when I tell you that you need sleep more than anything else
right now. I’ll help you sort through all this in the morning… later in the morning.” I amend.
“I told you, I couldn’t sleep.” He whines. Now this I can deal with.
“That was because you didn’t have master storyteller Donnatella Moss to put you to sleep with a
bedtime tale.”
“Shouldn’t that be mistress?” He asks with an eyebrow raised.
“Technically, yes, but I felt that term would leave me open to too many witty rejoinders from you.”
I explain.
“Fair point.” He concedes and gives the messy desk one final glance before standing up and
taking my outstretched hand. Then he leads me to his room. I can tell right away it’s the room he
grew up in; it’s just him. He collapses on the bed in a heap and I lie across the bottom of the bed.
“Once upon a time, there was a good, brave knight named Sir Jed.” I hear him chuckle at that. I
love that sound. I love that something I say or do can produce it. “But Sir Jed was under a
terrible spell and was left wandering the wilds of New Hampshire while the country was searching
for a new King.”
I close my eyes and let the feelings just wash over me while I weave a story about all the people
we’ve worked with. “Then one day, a smart wizard named Leo figured out how to break the spell
on Sir Jed. He enlisted the help of a brilliant but foolhardy knight named Joshua. Joshua, along
with the Sorcerer CJ, who could spin any material into gold, and two entertaining bards named
Toby and Sam, joined forces to break Sir Jed from the spell he was under and make him King…”
I’m not sure at what point I in the story I dropped off, but I know it wasn’t until I was sure Josh was
sound asleep.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I approach Noah’s office, concerned that Josh is in there brooding. Josh is never happy unless
he feels like he’s doing something productive. I’m about to go in and force him to leave the office
when I hear Donna’s voice. I stop outside the door and listen to the exchange, perfectly willing to
interject myself here if Josh starts giving her a hard time. But to my surprise he folds like a deck
of cards and willingly allows Donna to take him to bed to tell him a story!
I hurry into another room to avoid getting caught eavesdropping in the hall. After a few minutes I
pause outside Joshua’s room and hear Donna tell some fanciful story of the Bartlet gang in
medieval times. I go back downstairs to attempt sleep again; assured that Josh is in good hands
and will finally get some sleep.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I wake up with a smile on my face and my arms around someone warm who smells incredible. I
start to stretch when memories come flooding back to me. I’m in Connecticut, with Donna,
because my dad unexpectedly died yesterday. The smile slips off my face and I abruptly remove
my arms from Donna. God, she came in here to make me feel better, help me go to sleep, and
I… God!
My sudden movements rouse her from her sleep too and she looks at me bleary eyed for a
minute and then smiles. “I think I fell asleep here.”
“It looks that way.” I agree and smile back.
“What time is it?” She asks groggily.
I look over at the digital clock. “Ten past nine.”
“I can’t remember the last time I slept that late!” She sits up and stretches.
“We were both pretty tired.” I blame it on that. “I don’t think I’d have ever gotten any sleep without
your masterful storytelling.” I tease her. “But now I need to get up, shower, and dress. The
masses will be descending soon.”
“I’d better get moving too and see what I can do to help your mom.” She stands up on unsteady
legs and walks like a drunk after last call down to her room. I don’t know what I would have done
without her last night. I don’t know what I’ll do without her for the rest of the week, but I need to
send her back to Chicago. I can’t ask her to drop everything to hold my hand… but I’d sure like
to.
I take a quick shower and dress in clothing that Donna must have laid out while I was in the
shower. I hustle down the stairs to see Mom sitting in the living room. Her eyes fixed on
something far off in the distance.
“Mom?”
“Morning, Joshua. There’s fresh coffee for you in the kitchen.” She tells me.
“You don’t look like you got any sleep, Mom.”
“Well, maybe that’s just because I didn’t have anyone to tuck me in and tell me a story.” I tease
and see his eyes widen.
“Mom, she just… there’s nothing going on. Donna’s just nice like that.” I hasten to add.
“Yes, she is. But there’s certainly something going on. If you can’t see that I’ll grant you a
temporary reprieve due to the current circumstances and the stress you’ve been under, but you’
re far too smart a man not to see what’s right in front of you.” She rises from her chair and
glances quickly over at the chair that my father habitually occupied. “I need to get dressed.
Everyone will wait until the Rabbi’s come to visit, but not any longer I suspect.”
“Mom… I love you. We’ll get through this together.” I promise.
“Of course we will.” She nods and leaves to get dressed. I sit in Dad’s chair and close my eyes. I
can picture him here in my head. I’m sitting on the couch, or more likely lying on it, while arguing
some obscure point of law with Dad while Mom watches us indulgently. Every once in awhile, she
steps in to metaphorically bump our heads together, but mostly she seems to enjoy the back and
forth banter. I can picture it SO clearly in mind that I swear I can hear his voice mocking me
about something I said or did, all the while his love for me is shining in his face. When I open my
eyes, I feel the loss so keenly that it’s a pain in my chest. I don’t know if I can do this.
“Alright, I’m mostly awake and ready for my marching orders. Should we start in the office?”
Donna asks me.
“We should start with some coffee.” I correct her. “Maybe a little breakfast. The Rabbi will be
around soon and then the parade of friends and neighbors will begin. That’s when I’ll need a
place to strategically retreat to and we’ll work on the office.”
“Okay then.” She agrees and gives me a sunny smile. “Coffee and breakfast.”