Title: A Perplexing Puzzle
“Put it away Joshua.”
“I’m still looking.”
“There’s nothing left to look at right now. Put it away.”
“I’m missing something.”
“Well right now you’re missing your beautiful wife in a sexy nightgown attempting to
seduce you.”
Josh looked up from the reams of papers he was pouring over to see that Donna was
indeed wearing quite the nightgown. “Damn. You look gorgeous.”
“Well said. Now put away the papers and come to bed with me.”
“Wait a second. You’re trying to distract me from all this aren’t you?”
“Can’t pull one over on you, Joshua.” Donna said as she tugged on his arm, but he
resisted. “It’s been three days since the announcement and you’ve hardly looked at me
since then. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”
“As soon as I’m done.” He promised, but she’d heard that one before.
“I’m a woman with needs Joshua, and it doesn’t do my self esteem any good to see you
pouring over HER all this time.”
“It’s just work, Donna.”
“This WORK has you obsessed. You need to stop with that now, and start with this over
here.” She pointed to herself.
“It’s not that it isn’t tempting…I just…”
“Tempting?!”
“I just can’t figure out why they’re nominating her. I have to be missing something.”
“Josh, this has to stop!” Donna flung herself on the couch next to him and pushed a
couple piles of paper aside.
“Hey, be careful, I’ve got it all split into piles by topic.”
“Can I just say again, that they simply made a bad choice?”
“You can, but that doesn’t make sense.” Josh argued. “She said she could see Russia.”
“Yes.”
“From her house, she could see Russia?”
“Yes. That’s what the woman said.”
“When asked about her foreign policy experience she maintained that her state was the
first line of defense against the Russians and that she could see Russia from her house.”
“This is true.” Donna moaned.
“There is no way the Republicans would nominate her for VP unless she has some…”
“Secret weapon?” Donna supplied.
“Secret weapon.” Josh nodded.
“You know how completely ridiculous that sounds, right?”
“SHE says she sees Russia from her house and I’M the one that sounds ridiculous?!”
Josh exclaimed.
“I’m going to throw this out here and I want you to seriously consider my theory for a
minute.” Donna requested as she took the papers out of Josh’s hands and put them out
of his reach on the table. “Maybe, just maybe, the Republicans made a mistake. They
screwed up.”
“I love it when they do that.”
“I know you do. So let’s just say, that in a moment of panic, as their Presidential nominee
slips in the polls, they go for a Hail Mary pass that just…what’s the term for when they
miss a Hail Mary pass?”
“It’s called ‘missing the Hail Mary pass.”
“Okay, they missed the pass. It was so badly executed that they didn’t even have
anyone near the end zone to catch it. It was a total wash. Now you’re spending all your
time trying to figure out the secret reason the pass failed when the simple answer is
THAT THE PLAY SUCKED!” Donna shouted.
Josh considered that for a moment.
“Nah…”
Donna moaned.
“That’s it. I give up. Spend now until Election Day trying to solve the puzzle that doesn’t
exist. But when you come out of your stupor, you’re going to be divorced.” Donna
marched out of the living room and into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
“Divorced?” He squeaked. He looked over at the piles of paper surrounding him. He was
dying to know what the Republicans knew about her that he didn’t but Donna was clearly
pissed.
He cautiously opened the bedroom door to find the room pitch black. He felt his way to
the bed and eased onto it. When his hand found Donna’s back he stroked it with his
until she finally spoke.
“I’m tired of you ignoring me for…HER.”
“I’m sorry. I just can’t figure it out.”
“Josh!”
“She’s a punchline; a Daily Show sketch just waiting to be written. They don’t even have
to write a script, they can use her own words!” He paused to take a breath. “It’s not like
their nominee was that far behind. They didn’t NEED a Hail Mary pass.”
“Maybe they don’t have a brilliant strategist like you so they don’t see it that way.”
Donna suggested.
“Now you’re just trying to distract me with flattery.”
“Why not? The Nightgown didn’t work.” Donna pouted.
“It really did.” He played with the strap on her shoulder. “It was just a delayed reaction.
You know how myopic I get with this stuff.”
“Things are different now. We’re married and I’m pregnant. I’m getting fatter and soon I
won’t be able to wear slinky stuff like this to try to distract you from lightweight VP
candidates.”
Josh moved his hand to cover Donna’s slightly rounded stomach in wonder. “You’re not
getting fat, the baby is growing. And you’ve never had to wear anything slinky at all for
me to notice you. I’m sorry I’ve neglected you lately. I’ve got my priorities straight now, I
swear.”
“Okay, then.” Donna turned over to face her husband and give him a sultry kiss. Josh
felt his blood start to warm. He made suitable sounds of appreciation for the nightgown
as he divested her of it and gave her stomach a gentle kiss.
“Just promise me one thing, Donnatella.”
“What’s that?”
“No matter what kind of pain meds you’re on for the birth, we do not name this child
Track or Willow.”
Donna dissolved into laughter. “I promise.”
“Thank you.” Josh put his attention back on his wife’s body.
“I like Trig better anyway.” Donna said just to get him riled up. It worked.
“Donna!”
The End