Title: Benign Relationship
Timeline: Middle to the end of the episode for Benign Prerogative
Joshua tried to concentrate on the meeting in the oval while CJ told them
about Donovan’s death, but eventually he made an excuse to the President
and went after Donna. By the time he reached the bullpen, her coat and purse
were already gone. He tried her on her cell, but it went to voice mail.
Donovan’s suicide had obviously affected her horribly. Josh swiped his brow
with the palm of his hand while he thought this through. He had to get to
Donna, but he had to bump a few things to do that. The State of the Union
would be starting in just a couple hours. He picked up his phone, called
Ginger, and asked her to come to his office.
He began packing up his bag while he waited for her to appear. He stopped
when he realized he was just moving everything from his desk to his bag. He
had no idea which of these files and papers, if any of them, were things he’d
need.
Thankfully, Ginger arrived at that moment. Josh grabbed his jacket and met her
at his office door.
“I need a favor. I need someone to cover me with pre-speech spin. Can you
find someone? I need to leave right away.”
“Is everything okay?” Ginger asked alarmed.
“No…maybe…I’m not sure. Something’s wrong with Donna. Will you help me?”
The fact that Josh was asking her so nicely made her agreeable to help him in
the first place, but when he told her something was wrong with Donna, she
didn’t utter another word. She simply walked out to Donna’s desk and started
making phone calls. When Josh passed her he whispered his thanks and told
her he had his cell phone if she needed him.
When he got to his car he tried her cell phone again, but like before, it went
directly to voice mail. He didn’t know where else to look for her but her
apartment so he drove directly there. He didn’t see her car outside, but he still
walked up the three flights to her apartment and knocked on the door. After 3
futile attempts, he gave up and sat on the top step to wait for her.
For Josh, patience was not a strong skill. He only lasted a few minutes on the
step before he got up to pace. After a half hour of that he pulled out some
papers from his backpack and tried to look at work in between hitting redial on
his cell phone. Every door that opened, every footfall he heard, distracted him
until he could no longer even pretend to be working. Where the hell could she
be?
He was seated again on the top step when she spotted him. Her eyes, which
she thought were empty of all tears, welled up again. She must have made
some small sound because she saw his head pop up. There was alarm and
then relief when he saw she’d arrived safely. He got up and ran the 12 stairs
down to meet her. His hands touched her shoulders and moved down her arms
to grasp her very cold hands.
“Where the hell have you been? Are you okay?”
Donna shook off his hands. “I’m fine.” She told him, but her swollen eyes and
freezing hands told a different story. Josh decided to let that battle go in favor
of getting her inside. He followed her inside and helped himself to her coffee
maker; they could both use a cup.
“Where’d you go, Donna?” he asked softly while it brewed.
She had taken a seat on her couch, but hadn’t removed her coat.
“There’s a church I sometimes go to. I went there. I needed to think about
some things; figure out why this hit me so hard.”
“That’s not a mystery, is it? You talked to his mother. You took her plea to the
President. That puts you smack in the middle of this tragedy.”
“I need to develop thicker skin; learn to put some distance between myself
and the things I work on.”
Josh sat next to her and put his arm around her. “I hope not. I’d hate to see
you lose that empathy and passion…What can I do?”
Donna laughed. “Nothing. You can’t do anything.” She shook her head. “When
the President met with me and the pardon attorney? He said that pardons were
a ‘benign prerogative’. Not having a verbal score of 760, I looked it up to see
exactly what that meant. It described something that was neutral or harmless in
its effect or influence.”
She turned toward Josh to face him. “It’s not neutral or harmless in its effect at
all.”
“No, it’s not.” Josh agreed and tried to pull her closer, but she pulled away
again.
“Sometimes I think you see this as a benign relationship.” Donna told him and
Josh’s jaw dropped in shock.
“What?”
“You act like our relationship is just a harmless exchange. That the things you
say and do have no measurable effect on me.” Donna said flatly.
“What the hell?” Josh removed his arm from behind Donna and got up to pace
again. “I dropped everything before the State of the Union to find you and
make sure you were okay. Does that sound benign to you?”
“No, but tomorrow it will be completely forgotten again.” Donna noted. “Just
like every time before this.”
“Every time?”
“You tell Matt Skinner I have a date with a guy I have no future with because
you say so, but when I get back from the date, you say nothing to me.”
“How did you-“
“Please. There are more rumors traveling around the hill about us than I care
to think about. You suggest putting me on a stamp, but then you drop it as
soon as it comes out of your mouth. You buy me ornate flowers every year on
the day your deluded mind thinks is the anniversary of when we started
working together-“
“I’d think that would be the kind of thing most assistants would appreciate.”
Josh protested. Donna rolled her eyes and continued.
“You blew a gasket when I dated Cliff-“
“Slept with Cliff; while I was battling with Ways and Means.” Josh interjected.
“But you had no trouble assigning me to turn your apartment into Tahiti for
Amy.” Donna finished without acknowledging his remarks.
“Do you know the kind of risk I took disentangling you from the mess with the
lie you told the Congressional committee?” Josh’s anger spurted out.
“I know exactly what kind of risk you took because it was the same kind of risk I
took in telling the lie to protect you from having to reveal the PTSD which was
mentioned in detail in my diary.”
“So what are you complaining about in that case?” Josh asked sarcastically. “I
risked prison for you. Does that sound benign?”
“No, but it was neutralized in its effect when you immediately turned around
and went in hot pursuit of Amy Gardner. You invited her to Mrs. Bartlet’s
Birthday party but spent a good portion of the evening with me trying to get my
US citizenship reinstated.”
“You tried to set me up with Joey Lucas…repeatedly.”
“You set me up with Jack Reese.”
“You ASKED me too.”
“Still. You came to get me on Inauguration night, told me I looked amazing, and
told me I’d have to sit on your lap in the cab. You flirted with me all night, then
the next day it was business as usual.”
“How about you with all your ‘handsome and powerful’ comments? That wasn’t
suggestive and misleading?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because it was true.” She answered simply, causing Josh to just stare. “I
need to take a shower and get back to the White House. The President asked
me to host the guests during the speech.” She turned without another word
and walked into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her.
Josh stood rooted to the spot for several minutes listening to the sounds of
Donna taking a shower until he realized that direction of thought was having
an adverse reaction on his body. He picked up his bag and hurried back to the
White House.
When Donna appeared later she looked like she was in good spirits. She was
taking the President around to each of the individuals who had been
pardoned, introducing them to the man responsible for their release. Every
once in awhile, he caught a wistful look on her face, but for the most part she
kept her public mask firmly in place.
Was that what he had been trying to do? Keep a public mask in place around
Donna? He’d failed miserably at it if that had truly been his intent, as her
numerous examples pointed out. More importantly to him, had Donna been
telling the truth about her feelings? Or maybe she thought it was the truth, but
instead it was some kind of hero worship for giving her a job when she had
nothing, saving her from Federal prosecution, and the messed up intimate
friendship they had always had. Whatever chemistry they had started out with,
and Josh would have to be an idiot not to have noticed it from day one, it had
certainly intensified after Rosslyn. The truth was, that after months of virtually
living together, he could no longer imagine living with anyone else.
He hadn’t been a monk since then. He’d had dates, even relationships, but it
never even occurred to him to live with anyone else except Donna, the one
woman he wasn’t allowed to date. When he looked back to the night she had
referenced, the second inauguration, he had such powerful emotions that it
almost overcame him. He’d been overwhelmed by her beauty, her loyalty to a
man that hadn’t deserved it, and his physical response to being so near to her.
So he’d kept her near the entire night, eventually falling asleep with her on his
couch; more than a little inebriated. Waking up with her in his arms felt right,
but as he watched her sleep against him all he could think about were all the
obstacles that would be in their way. So he’d gone back to business as usual.
He watched her circulate around the room with the leader of the free world
with ease and grace. She had grown so much over the years in confidence and
abilities. She was simply amazing. He waited another minute until he caught her
eye, then mouthed the words ‘my office’. She nodded her understanding so he
headed to his office to wait for her.
Donna crossed the threshold of Josh’s office nervously. She had left him
abruptly at her apartment after her small confession and she wasn’t sure what
she was walking into now. Josh was standing at the window, staring outside.
“Will you close the door please?” he requested quietly. She shut the door but
stayed near it. Finally, he turned around and faced her. His expression was
serious, but gave nothing else away. Donna fidgeted with her hands nervously
and waited for him to speak.
“You did a great job with the guests tonight.” He finally offered. “You know,
you were responsible for those 35 people getting pardoned. It was you that put
it all into perspective and inspired me to go to the President with the idea.
Those 35 people owe their freedom to you as much as to the President.”
“But what about the 36th?” she asked referring to Donovan.
“He made that choice, Donnatella. It was born out of despair and depression to
be sure, but you’re not responsible for Donovan. Maybe that tragedy will make
people realize the dangers of those mandatory minimums. Maybe something
good can come out of it.”
“Josh Lyman the optimist?” Donna raised her eyebrow.
“That’s your influence too.” He admitted. “I was thinking tonight about how you’
ve grown in the time I’ve known you and then I realized how much I’ve grown
too. What really struck me was how much of my growth was due directly to my
relationship with you.”
“Josh-“ She tried to interrupt but he waved her off.
“Our relationship doesn’t have a neutral effect; not on us, not on the people
we work with, and not on the people we serve. It has an incredibly positive
effect and I won’t give that up.” He stated.
“It’s not entirely your choice, Josh. A relationship takes two people, and we’re
on different pages. I won’t continue in this limbo state anymore.”
“Then let’s move out of limbo.” He suggested and leaned forward to kiss her.
He hesitated just a second before his lips touched hers, giving her an
opportunity to avoid the kiss if she wanted to, but instead she closed the
remaining distance between them and twined her arms around his neck. That
was all the encouragement he needed to deepen the kiss. Slowly, he walked
them backwards until they reached his chair. He sat down in it and pulled her
onto his lap before kissing his way from her neck to her lips. Her quiet moan
almost undid him right then.
“If you had any idea how often I fantasized about this right here…” he told her.
“Mine more generally involved your desk.” Donna admitted and made Josh
groan.
“I’m begging you, not another word about that right now.”
Donna chuckled but then sobered up as the implications of all this hit home.
“Josh, how is this going to work? Am I going to have to transfer out of here?”
She asked worriedly.
“No. Way. We’ll figure it out.” He promised.
“But if we can’t-“
“We will.” He kissed her again to distract her. “I’ll send you to talk to Leo, there’
s no way he can say ‘no’ to you.”
“Joshua!”
“We should probably talk to him tomorrow, while he’s still riding high from the
State of the Union.”
“Always strategizing…” Donna murmured in between kisses. “Why don’t we go
talk to him now, then?”
“I’m not in any condition to talk to my boss right now, Donna. I was thinking that
instead we should go back to my place and erase any lingering thoughts you
might have about us being in limbo.” He suggested.
“That’s just one of the reasons I love you. You come up with brilliant plans.”
She got up from his lap and used his hand to pull him up with her laughing. Her
heart feeling lighter than it had in ages.
“Donnatella?” He stopped her and pulled her back into his arms.
“What?”
“I love you too, you know.”
“I know it now. That’s what counts.” Donna whispered. “Take me home?”
“With pleasure.” Josh threw his arm around her and turned out his light on the
way out the door. Benign prerogatives weren’t for him.
The End.