Choices Chapter 3:
A/N: Big thanks to Amy for the plot idea and her willingness to edit for
me!
Chapter 3
It has been 6 long weeks since Josh had left her in Germany, but to Donna it felt like 6
years. As if she wasn't nervous and anxious enough about returning to work, she had
received a call from Margaret asking her to report to Leo when she got in.
If she was honest with herself, she would admit most of her nervousness revolved
around working with Josh today. Since he left Germany he had been diligent about
emailing her about what was happening at work, but imparted little, if any, personal
news or information. They felt like duty emails.
That feeling didn't dissipate when she returned to the District. He met her and her
mother at the airport and brought them to her apartment which he had stocked with
food. He called or visited daily, but the conversations were distant and stilted. Donna
sunk deeper and deeper into depression with each passing day as she realized things
were probably never going to be the same between them.
After Josh left Germany, she had done some deep soul searching. Even though she had
never anticipated continuing anything with Colin after she left Gaza, she found herself in
the position of explaining that to Colin. Many times, she tried to work that fact into an
email or phone call she had with Josh, but she always ended up chickening out. What if
she had been wrong about her perceptions of Josh's feelings when he first arrived in
Germany? She had been on heavy duty drugs. But Donna experienced too many hours
sitting in a hospital bed to think and she arrived at a conclusion. She had to lay it on the
line with Josh and let the chips fall where they may. They had spent too many years-
years for God's sake- dancing around this…whatever is was between them.
When she returned to D.C, however, the combination of her Mother's presence and
Josh's distant attitude kept her silent. She resolved that this would be settled when they
got back to work at the White House. There would be opportunities aplenty when they
were holed up in his office about some bill or another. They would be working late at
night, the bull pen would be empty save for them, and then Donna could tell him how
much it meant to her that he flew to Germany to be with her. She could tell him that Colin
didn't mean anything to her and he - Josh- meant everything to her. Then he would finally
tell her how much she meant to him and they could figure out where to go from there. It
all sounded very good to her…while it was in the near future. But now she was actually
back at work and she had to follow through…right after she saw Leo.
Although she left a message for Josh telling him what time she would be dropped off at
work, it was Margaret that greeted her at the gate, wheeled her into the White House
and Leo's office. Leo stood up when she was wheeled in and came around his desk to
give her a hug.
"Man, are you a sight for sore eyes! How are you feeling? Are you sure you're ready to
get back to work? No one would bat an eye if you decided you needed more time at
home."
"The doctor cleared me for half days and I'm anxious to get back to work."
"Okay, but just know that if it gets to be too much at any time your first priority is your
health so you go home. We've arranged things so most of your work now can be done
from home now if need be."
"Thanks Leo, but just how am I supposed to clear Josh's calls
and appointments from home? I can do my job; half days for now and full days when the
doctor okays it."
"Yeah, about that," Leo began and sat next to Donna in the
visitor's chair. "We decided to make some administrative changes around here while
you were gone." Donna looked confused so he continued. "We thought you outgrew
your position a while ago, but we could never get Josh to agree to promote you out of
his office and to be honest, we didn't think he could function without you. We finally found
another assistant he seems to be able to live with so we get to finally give you the title,
and salary, more befitting to the work you're responsible for around here."
"Josh found another assistant?' Donna focused on the part of Leo's speech that was still
ringing in her ears. It was a sign of how distracted she was by that statement, that she
didn't even take in the fact that she was finally getting her raise.
"It was more like we found several assistants for him and he didn't fire ONE of them
before lunch. She's made it for 3 weeks now, so we're optimistic." Leo smiled, but
Donna felt sick.
"I don't work for Josh anymore?"
"Your new title is special assistant to the Chief of Staff, but I'd like you to continue to do
what you do best; research and briefing only now you'll do it for all the senior staff and
report directly to me. No more screening calls, no more scheduling
appointments, and no more sending apology baskets to the latest victim of Lyman
charm."
"But I- My desk…I mean where will I work?"
"In the office next to Toby." Leo told her.
"But that's Sam's office."
"No, it's your office. Margaret and Ginger are going to help get you set up today and
Toby already has an assignment for you. Congratulations." Leo said sincerely. "You've
earned it, Donna. You've been an invaluable member of this team and we're glad to
have you back where you belong."
Only she wasn't going to be where she belonged, thought Donna as Leo called for
Margaret to come and ferry her to her new office. No wonder Josh had been so distant.
He knew she wasn't coming back to his office; had in fact arranged for her not to come
back to his office. Now it all made sense; his change in attitude, his refusal to bring any
work to her apartment, and his absence when she arrived this morning. He didn't even
want to see her anymore. Was it guilt? Everyone knew Josh had an overdeveloped
sense of guilt. Did he blame himself for Gaza? Did seeing her, in a wheelchair no less,
make him feel worse? So much worse that he chose not to see her at all anymore?
After he left Germany, she thought maybe he'd misread Colin's presence there. Okay,
not misread exactly, but misinterpreted what his presence meant to her; which was very
little. Then she dismissed the idea. Hadn't she told him she was as surprised as anyone
to see him again? Hadn't she asked for Josh, not Colin, when she was scared
spit less before surgery? No, it had to be something else, she decided as Margaret
wheeled her to her new office. Maybe he saw something more in her eyes for him than
he felt for her and was trying to save her the embarrassment of working with him when
he didn't feel the same way she did.
Several people welcomed her back and congratulated her on her new job, but she
couldn't do anything more than nod and smile. None of them
were Josh. He was nowhere to be found. When she got to Sam's- her office- Ginger met
her there and gave her the work Toby wanted her to start on after she got her bearings.
Donna couldn't take anymore. She thanked the women for their help and assured them
she was ready to get to work. She asked Ginger to flip the shades shut on her way out,
ostensibly to stop people from staring at her on her first day back. Ginger smiled in
understanding and did as she asked before shutting the office door and leaving Donna
to her work. Donna waited a full 60 seconds to be sure no one popped back in before
she allowed herself the luxury of laying her head down and crying.
Toby was not an expert on women. He would be the first to admit it, but having been
unhappily married he did know the sound of a woman crying when he heard it. He had
been taking a nap on his couch after an all night session with the President on a new
speech they were working on when he first heard the sound. At first he thought he was
dreaming, but as he shook himself awake, he realized it was coming from next door.
Donna. It had to be Donna. He slowly sat up and cautiously peered through the window
connecting their offices. Donna was crying softly into her arms. He was torn between
going to her, which he desperately did not want to do, and ignoring her, which his
conscience would not allow him to do. He settled on a moral compromise. He called CJ.
Five minutes later, there was a knock on Donna's door. Donna had
managed to pull herself together by delving into work, but her eyes were
red rimmed and puffy. Luckily, she had a debilitating injury she could
blame it on. She called for whomever it was to `come in' and
became wary when she saw it was CJ. She and CJ had been very close for
many years, but their conversation during the shutdown had put a very
bad taste in Donna's mouth. She also didn't want to deal with
the person who told her she should forget Josh and have a one night
stand in Gaza. Look how well that turned out. Not only didn't she
have Josh in her life personally, but she didn't even have him in her life professionally
anymore.
"Donna, hi; we're so glad to have you back." It sounded lame even to CJ's own ears.
She had told Toby she wasn't the person for this job, but he had insisted that Donna
needed another woman.
"Thanks, CJ. It's good to be back." Donna lied. "Was there something you needed?"
Ouch. Score one for Donna, thought CJ. "Only to see if you're doing okay; if you need
anything."
"Oh, I thought since I've been reassigned to research for the senior staff you might have
a project for me." Score two, CJ acknowledged.
"No, I was just concerned about how you were doing on your first day back." CJ kept her
gaze on Donna's. "You look like you're upset."
"Of course I'm upset, it's the first day I'm attempting no major pain killers. I wanted to be
sharp today so I could keep up with Josh, but it turns out I needn't have bothered. So you
see, I'm in some serious pain but it looks like it will be with me for awhile so I need to
work through it." Set and match. CJ decided to back off for now.
"I'm sorry you're having such pain. If there's anything I can do, just call okay?"
"Thanks, CJ but you've already done more than enough for me." CJ's face registered
the shock at this most pointed barb before she simply nodded and left. Donna felt a
moment of guilt over purposefully hurting her friend, but then she felt the anger boil up
inside her. Anger at CJ's unsolicited and destructive advice, anger at Josh's absence
and cowardice at not even facing her to tell her he'd transferred her, and anger at herself
for allowing those two other people manipulate her so easily. She pushed it all aside
and went back to work.
When Josh got back to the White House, a little before noon, he found his pace picking
up the closer he got to his office. Yes, he knew she wouldn't be THERE, but she would
be close; closer than shed 'been for months. He was still pissed about Leo sending him
to work on the Hill that morning, keeping him from being there when Donna arrived. On
the other hand, he didn't think he could be the one to tell her that she'd been transferred
either. That's why he hadn't brought it up in any of their calls or emails. Deep down he
knew Leo was probably right. Whether or not anything had actually changed between
them, he knew that had Colin not been there, he would have said and done things that
would have changed things irrevocably between them.
So now he hurried to her new office, like an addict desperate for a fix (only his fix was
seeing her smile and enjoying some of her banter). He skidded to a halt right outside
her closed door, took a deep breath and knocked. No response. He opened the door
slowly and was bitterly disappointed to find it empty. Had she already gone for the day?
It wasn't even noon. Yeah, but she was only working half days to start. Shit.
Ginger walked in and looked surprised to see him there. "Oh, hey, Josh. Just delivering
more flowers and phone messages for our local heroine." she told him. "You wouldn't
believe all the media requests she's had this morning."
"Media requests? As in requests for interviews about when she was almost killed? Do
me a favor, Ginger and keep those off her desk, okay?"
Ginger looked a little apprehensive, but agreed to his request and took several of the
phone messages back. Once she left, Josh noticed all of the flowers that adorned her
office. At first, he was just interested in who had been kind enough to send her flowers
and wondering how he had been so stupid not to send her his own bouquet. `Because
Donna has always been the one to take care of those details for me' he admitted to
himself. The only time he remembered to send her flowers was on their Anniversary,
and that was more to get a rise form her than to express affection or thoughtfulness of
any kind. Then he saw a card that brought his blood pressure up.
Wishing you well on your first day
back, Colin.
Son of a bitch. Not only did he not think to send flowers but the Irish bastard did. Now he
had to read the rest of the cards to see if he sent anything else. That's when the second
blow landed. The bouquet of lilies had a card from Calley.
Donna, best wishes from your favorite Republican, Cliff.
Favorite Republican? `Give me a break' thought Josh. Apparently, good old Cliff isn't
aware that Donna collects Republicans like philatelists collect stamps. That's it, he
decided. He is not going to be shown up by an Irishman and a Republican. He can go to
Donna's now and personally deliver some flowers to her. Better yet, pizza. Donna likes
pizza way more than flowers. He'll bring some over for lunch.
"Ginger? When did Donna go home? Do you know if she had lunch before she left?"
Josh asks.
"She had some lunch at her desk." Ginger informs him. "But
she didn't go home. She had PT at noon."
"Are you sure?" he asks again. "She didn't mention
having PT today."
"I'm very sure. I heard her give Cliff directions to her
physical therapist as they left." She assures him.
"Cliff took her to her physical therapy?" he asks disbelieving.
"He came by to bring her some flowers and she was on her way out to PT. He asked
her where it was and then offered to drop her off. She seemed pretty tired, Josh."
"Yeah, I know the feeling." He replied and walked back to his
own office where his new assistant, Barb was waiting for him with messages and a brief
on several candidates the D triple C wanted him to look at. Barb was professional,
funny, and even brought him coffee, but she never did make any note cards for him. He
really missed illegible note cards.