December 2002
I am really enjoying having a social life. I am. Jack is considerate, smart,
and funny. He’s an excellent kisser and I enjoy being treated like someone
who needs to be protected and pampered; it’s the military training I guess.
We have been dating for a month and everything is going great…so why
is it that I don’t feel giddy when he calls or tingly all over when we kiss?
Everything about us looks great on paper; all my friends like him, we’re
good together, and even my boss can’t find anything derogatory to say
about him.
Here I am, about to go off on a romantic holiday trip with Jack to the
Washington Inn, and I’m feeling…ambivalent about it all. I even struggled
with his Christmas gift, not wanting to give the impression that I felt more
than I did, but not wanting to offend him by picking something impersonal
either. I’m brought back from my reverie by the appearance of the Secret
Service arriving in the bullpen. This can only mean one thing.
“Good evening Mr. President.” I greet him.
“Josh in?” He motions to the door.
“Yes, sir. Let me just..”
“No, I can knock on the door myself Donna. I just have a special project I’d
like him to do.” He explains, knocks and enters leaving the door open.
I hear enough of the conversation to realize my romantic holiday getaway,
has just gotten away from me. A couple minutes later, the President exits
and Josh is right behind him coming to a stop in front of me.
“I'm sorry. It's not what it looks like.” He tells me sheepishly.
“It's okay.” I respond, secretly feeling relieved that this decision has been
taken out of my hands.
“It's the...” he loses his ability to find words. I should write this day down.
“What?” I prod him a bit.
“HHS budget, it seems very important to him and there's hard deadline.”
“It's really okay.” I assure him and take off my coat.
“I'll have you on the road as soon as I possibly can.”
“Were do we start?” I ask getting down to business.
“Call the policy council. Tell them we need to package an initiative on
infant mortality. I'll walk them through it.”
“Yeah.” I pick up the phone and start dialing.
An hour later, I bring my report back to hi office.
“Well, they've got three PADs working on it and both deputies at DPC. So
far, the policy councils are having a hard time taking action without
identifying offsets.”
“What are they talking about?” he asks.
“Early childhood nutrition.”
“They want to cut early childhood nutrition? The kids will just die later.” He’
s getting pissy and it’s not my fault. None of this is my fault and I’m the one
missing the romantic getaway.
“They don't want to cut anything.” I guess I’m getting pissy too.
“What does OMB have?”
“They want to explore a dedicated tax.”
“A tax on poor people 'cause they can't afford medical care?”
“I wouldn't try to sell it that way.” I sigh and sit down, looking longingly out
the window.
“I'll get you there first thing in the morning.” Josh mistakes my desire to
leave for desire to be with Jack at the Washington Inn. And about
that…something’s been bothering me about our earlier conversation. I
decide to lay it out on the table.
“What did you mean when you said it's not what it looks like?” If I wasn’t
watching his face carefully, I would have missed the fleeting look of panic
on Josh’s face before he looked down at his desk.
“Jack's already down there?” He asks, but he doesn’t answer my question.
Why doesn’t he answer my question?
“Yeah…” I reply simply.
“I'll call him and apologize.” He promises.
“What did you mean?” I blow that comment off.
“I meant that I wasn't keeping you here on purpose.” Again with the reply
with no eye contact. What the hell?
“Why would I think you were doing that?” I press a little further.
“I wasn't.” He insists and I have to say he sound more than a little
defensive.
“Why would I think you were?” Come on, Josh. Give me something to work
with here. Say it… Prove to me that I haven’t been crazy this whole time.
“I don't know. It was just something I said. Listen, it doesn't have to be a
disaster, you know. C.J.'s staff is going to make little snowmen and stick
them on the seats in the Press Briefing Room and take a picture. We can
do that and then I'll get you drunk at the Hawk and Dove.” He offers
quickly to try to distract me from what he didn’t say just then.
“That sounds nice.” I decide to let him off the hook for now, but I AM
coming back to this subject at the Hawk and Dove. Maybe a couple beers
will improve his ability to speak to me honestly.
“I have to go see the President.” He exits very rapidly.
*******************************************************
“Donna!” I turn when I hear Leo calls my name. “You’ve got your stuff for
your trip here, right?”
“Yes, but I’m working on the infant mortality bill with Josh.” I tell him.
“Don’t worry about it. The President has wisely decided it would be better
to introduce it next session. You’re off the hook.”
“Thanks, but with the roads so bad, I’ll never be able to make it.”
“That’s why I came to find you. There’s a news helicopter heading out in a
few minutes that will be landing just 2 miles from the Inn you’re staying at. I
got them to agree to take you with them. So grab your stuff and get
moving!” Leo beams at me until he sees my face.
“Do you have a problem with helicopters?” he asks me.
“No, no that’s fine.” I hedge. “It’s just that it’s pretty late now and I
promised Josh I would-“
Leo puts a hand on my arm and stops my protests. “Go, Donna. Josh will
be fine.” The look he gives me is unnerving. “I’ll let him know you left.”
“Oh…kay. I guess I’ll just go then…You’ll let him know right away?”
“The moment I see him.” He assures me and I head out. Hardly five
minutes later, I’m on a helicopter and on my way to see Jack. My romantic
plans have been resurrected and I should feel thrilled, but instead I spend
the whole trip wondering what Josh might have said to me if we had made
it to the Hawk and Dove tonight. All the possibilities turn through my head
and I wonder what it all means.
For now, I guess it means that I haven’t been quite as successful with that
emotional distance plan as I’d thought.