May 2004
Josh…Oh, God…Josh…I need Josh
“Donna! Donna, can you hear me?” I hear a male voice but it isn’t Josh. I want Josh.
“Talk to me Donna. Does your chest hurt? Are you having trouble breathing?”
I nod as best I can. “Hurts.” I get out.
“She’s running a fever now.” Says a female voice. “101.2”
“Lips and fingers are blue. Start her on Heparin.” The male voice orders.
“Shouldn’t we get the chest CT first?”
“We’ll get the chest CT but her Wells score is over 6, this is a PE. Start her on the Heparin!”
“Yes, sir.” The female voice responds.
“Donna, we’re taking you down for a chest CT. It looks like we’re dealing with a pulmonary
embolism, here. We’re giving you some medicine now to help, but we may need to do surgery.
Do you understand what I’m telling you?”
I nod. “Josh….”
“What?” he asks me.
“She’s asking for Josh Lyman…from the White House. He’s been staying here with her.”
“Okay, we’ll try to find him for you.” He promises. He’s very nice this doctor; such nice eyes.
Not as nice as Josh’s but still…
I feel myself being wheeled into another room and I drift in an out. I’m SO tired and it’s still hard
to breathe. Once the chest CT is done, they start prepping me for surgery. Part of that prep
includes a breathing tube down my throat. I start crying. Even if they find Josh in time, I won’t
be able to talk to him. The nurse notices my tears.
“Donna, are you okay?”
I close my eyes while tears continue to fall.
“Oh, how stupid of me. Here, use this to write with.” She hands me a dry erase board and pen
to go with it. Suddenly a weight is taken off my shoulders. I write two words.
Josh Lyman?
“Dr. Leahy is bringing him in right now. You’ll see him before we begin, I promise.”
I nod my thanks and before long, Josh appears. He’s wearing surgical scrubs and looks totally
ridiculous but I’ve never been so glad to see his brown eyes before…well, maybe there was
ONE time before. I’m so nervous that my hands are shaking, but as usual I try to hide it with
some humor.
Nice hat. I write and he plays along with me. Then I write, I’m scared.
He takes my hand and reassures me, but we only have a few moments before they give me
the sedative and I can’t hold my eyes open any longer. The last thing I see is a pair of brown
eyes, and the last thing I feel is his hand squeezing mine.
***************************************************
This first thing I notice is the noise. It sounds like a news program. A news program? Josh.
Josh must be here. I call his name but my voice comes out weak and scratchy. I try again, 3 or
4 times before he hears me. Then he’s at my side, holding my hand and looking intently at me.
“Hey....you’re awake.” He gives me a half smile. But even through my heavy lidded eyes I can
see it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Your mom is here. Colin took her downstairs for some, I
don’t know, some schnitzel or something.”
I don’t care about schnitzel, or Colin, or even my mother right now; but please don’t ever tell
her I thought that. My whole world is wrapped up in the one person who is sitting at my side.
“You’re still here.” I squeak out.
He chuckles just a little and he looks relieved. Why is he so relieved?
“Yeah. I’m still here.” He confirms and this time his smile reaches his eyes. I even see his
dimples. That right there? That was worth waking up in pain for. I am completely in love with
this man.