Josh POV
I can't do this. She can't ask me to. I'm not a strong enough man to
deal with all of this and try to run the country at the same time.
>><><><><><>
Donna POV
I hear his words and they just make me want to scream. But that might
draw attention to us from the press corp.
"Donna, I can't, I can't for the life of me understand why you think
something can work."
"Damnit Joshua, I am so frustrated with you."
<><><><><><>
Josh POV
With me?
Really?
"Frustrated with me?"
It is always good to confirm these things and from the look on
Donna's face she's definitely frustrated with me, coming up on pissed
off too.
"Ok, so you're frustrated. What in God's name do you think I am?"
<><><>>><><><>
Donna POV
"I keep hearing about this education you have, Harvard, Yale,
Fulbright Scholar. Yet, I don't see it. I don't see how between our
intelligence and our combined brain power we can't figure out a way
around the issues."
Crap.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
"It's never going to happen is it?"
><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
She walks away without waiting to hear my answer. I don't know if
it's ever going to happen, but I know I desperately want it to. I
desperately want to be able to have it happen.
I watch her walk away and begin working on something. She is, without
a shadow of a doubt, unlike any woman I've ever known.
Donna inspires me to be a different man, to remember that politics,
while a huge part of my life, is not my only life. The banter and the
flirting make us who we are.
<><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
I've been away from him for too long. I miss his presence. Everyone
jokes about his ego, but the `everyone' is right, his ego is huge.
Maybe it comes from being oh so damn good about the job he does. He's
earned the ego.
But what I really miss is the way he fills up a room. Josh walks in
and it is as if the room instantly transfers from Black and White to
a fifty inch plasma tv with such brilliant colors you can't remember
a time when you didn't have it, and if perchance you do remember the
time, you don't want to.
When I am walking next to him, his hand softly resting at the small
of my back, guiding me, leading me, escorting me from place to place
in such a way most would see it as gentlemanly. I know the truth.
I know it's the closest he's going to be able to get to actually
touching me in public. Josh can't hold my hand and he can't wrap his
arm around me. There is a need for secrecy because of who we are.
I hate that need.
<><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
Donna and I haven't finished this argument by a long shot. It's a
recurring one. She's not frustrated with me she's frustrated with the
situation we find ourselves in.
I watch her work as I walk through the Newseum and listen to the
President speak. Some days, on the tough days, I think I can give
this all up and she and I can be happy. Then I remember why I'm here
and it's not about the easy days. It's about the tough days. It's
about the fight.
It's about the struggle. How come I feel like I'm constantly
struggling?
I may not be standing next to her but I know where she is, I know her
every move. She has me entranced. It's been that way since she first
walked into my office.
That night at the bar scared me. It scared me to think that I could
let myself be hurt by her so easily and so quickly. Sam would say
that men in our position can't be hurt; we don't put ourselves in the
position to be hurt. I'd disagree.
When I gave my heart to one Donnatella Moss, I handed over the rights
to being hurt.
<><><><><><><>
Donna POV
Josh moves through this place with a fluidity that is rarely seen in
politics. He owns the space; he owns the rooms he is in. Josh is the
center of attention at least with the women and probably with the men
too because they feel threatened by him. Threatened politically and
threatened personally. He can have any woman in the room and maybe
even some of the men too.
It is, in no uncertain terms, erotic to watch him work. To see the
passion that just flows from his body, the way he puts himself, all
of himself into the actions of politics is mesmerizing. His arms,
hands and body move of their own accord and compliment whatever point
he is trying to make. His energy and stamina are the thing of legends
as he bounces on his feet, unable to control himself from moving. The
way he paces is rhythmic. His eyes glancing around, taking in
everything but focusing solely on the one person in front of him make
you wonder how you can breathe without him watching you.
I turn to walk into the lobby, needing some air when I feel him
watching me.
<><><><><><>
Josh POV
Where the hell is she going now? It's not time for us to leave. Soon,
but not yet.
I hate these events when I can see her but I can't touch her. I can't
banter with her and we definitely can't spend much time together.
As I walk near the stairs I look up as Toby calls my name. I see the
signal and breathe a sigh of relief. I move to tell Leo and hope to
get this evening wrapped up.
From the corner of my eye I see Donna, there is so much I want to say
to her, and so much I can't.
I make the signal and Leo looks at me, dumbfounded. I explain it's
the signal for the thing and we talk for a minute before we continue
on with our tasks for the town hall.
<><><><><><><>
Donna POV
I'm watching Josh from the lobby, I see him make the sign to Leo and
I know the shuttle is safe. I offer a silent prayer of thanks.
I lean against the wall, closing my eyes and taking a few deep
breaths. I find myself unable to control my anger at this situation
Josh and I are in. I'm not sure how long I'm leaning here when I
sense Josh's presence.
Slowly I open my eyes and watch him watch me.
"Josh?"
<><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
She's stressed just the tone of her voice tells me that.
"You ok?"
I take in the sight of Donna trying to grasp hold of her emotions.
They run rampant across her face, her jaw tightens and her eyes
blaze. This is one of my favorite looks on her. Defiant Donna.
"I'm far from ok and I'd presume you are far from ok!"
She screams at me in a whisper. I decide the lobby, in view of the
senior staff, the press corps and those in attendance for tonight's
town hall meeting don't need to see this spat so I drag her into a
dimly lit alcove off the lobby.
"I'm about as far from ok as I can be, but Donna we're working
tonight. We need to do the job first."
I watch as her eyes grow bright with tears she's fighting against
letting fall.
<><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
Damnit Donna crying is not an option now.
"How can you do this? How can you imagine that this can only be about
work when we know it's not, it's not even close Josh. This is so much
more. We haven't even begun and you're telling me we're over? I
refuse to believe it."
I watch him again and I see the fight return to his eyes. His words
echo the emotions in his eyes.
"We aren't over, we're just delayed."
"Delayed?"
<><><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
"Delayed, for the time being. Till we either find new jobs or find
our way around the ones we have now."
She looks at me and nearly kills me when a single tear escapes her
eyes, slowly trailing down her cheek. I reach out to wipe it away.
Her words make me want to cry.
"I don't know if I can wait that long Josh. I don't know if I can
delay this thing between us. I don't know if I can live with myself
if I try to."
She's angry again and as she turns to the right to walk away from me,
I desperately reach out and grab her left hand. I pull her back to
me, wrapping our joined hands around my waist to my back, my left
hand on the wall next to her head and my face millimeters from hers.
I step closer, boxing her against the wall with my body, fitting my
chest to her chest and my hips to her hips. I stifle the groan at the
back of my throat that threatens to give away how desperate I am to
be in this position with her while wearing much less clothing.
I tilt my head and whisper to her,
"I can't live with myself if we don't try" and with that I capture
her lips in one of the deepest, most passionate kisses we've ever
engaged in. We've had slip ups before, but not like this. This is
deliberate, calculated and executed flawlessly.
I feel the exact moment she gives in to the kiss and the emotions. It
is when she squeezes the hand that holds hers against my back and at
the same time I feel her run her leg up mine. Anyone watching us must
wonder if she's climbing up my body and just exactly what we're
doing. I release her hand and wrap my arm around her pulling her
flush against me and then I lean us against the wall, my knuckles
scraping against the cement.
<><><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
Wha?
Huh?
Um…
Oh yeah, kissing Josh.
HOLY COW!
AAANNNDDD… now I'm not kissing him.
He pulled back, smirk firmly in place. Then I hear him in a husky
whispered tone,
"We'll figure it out. That kiss tells me and hopefully you also, we
have no choice but to."
With that I watch him walk towards the door, the senior staff just
left and he's about to walk out when he turns to face me.
He smiles at me, his eyes soft and longing. He moves through the door
and as I gaze at the back of his head, I shake myself from my reverie
and move towards the door as well.
<><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
Where the hell did everyone go? How did I end up separated from them
for only a minute or two…
What in the hell is that noise.
Shit… that's gunfire. I speed up my walking in the attempt to find
everyone.
<><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
As I cross through the door, I hear the most horrific sounds and see
everyone scrambling. The press corps races off to the side as I watch
windows shatter before my eyes. I see the secret service throwing
people down and for a half a minute I am frozen. One thought passes
through my mind,
Josh…
<><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
This isn't good, god this isn't good. I have never felt pain like
this in my life. I can't really breathe and I can't scream. Where is
everyone?
She's never going to know.
She's never going to know.
Please god let her be safe.
Toby.
Toby's here. He's screaming at me,
"Josh!"
I try to open my eyes. He's screaming for help as he kneels next to
me. I have to know.
"Donna…"
<><><><><><><><>
Toby POV
He's laying on the ground, half dying and he's asking about DONNA?
"She's fine I think, she's not with us right now. Don't worry about
Donna right now."
He looks at me and without uttering another word I realize he needs
an answer. I don't think I want to know how deep he is into
this `thing' with Donna, but he's laying here bleeding out so I look
around and see her by the doors to the Newseum. She looks stunned and
terrified but seems unharmed. I look at Josh and relay that info,
"She's by the door to the Newseum. Secret Service won't let her any
further than the awning of the building. It seems they are physically
holding her back."
He closes his eyes and seems to settle down knowing Donna is safe and
won't be allowed into the open air.
Joshua, when you recover from this I'm going to kick your ass all the
way back to Connecticut.
<><><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
She's safe…
She's safe…
I'm just going to close my eyes for a minute…
><><><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
These damn secret service agents keep telling me they won't let me
through. I have to get to Josh.
"I have to get to Josh. Please please let me go. I just heard you say
the shooters are down. There's no danger. Please let me go."
The agent holds me back. There are tears streaming down my face.
"You don't understand…"
"Ma'am I can't let you go. You need to stay back here. You're badge
doesn't authorize you…"
"MY BADGE? MY FUCKING BADGE DOESN'T AUTHORIZE ME TO BE WITH JOSH?"
I rip the laminated tags over my head and fling them to the ground,
taking the agent by surprise. Using that surprise to my advantage I
break out into a dead run towards where Josh is laying on the ground
with Toby kneeling next to him.
I blew past Sam and I know he was stunned, but nothing, now that I'm
free from the binds of the agents is keeping me from Josh.
Hold on Josh, I'm coming…
<><><><><><><>
Toby POV
Donna is running towards us. I should tell Josh.
"Josh! Open your eyes, Donna is running over to us, hang on Josh, and
open your damn eyes."
As Donna approaches I shift out of her way. As she flings herself on
the ground, I can almost hear her knees scrape the concrete. She
cradles Josh's head in her lap.
I am stunned at the look of utter devastation on her face.
<><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
She's here.
She shouldn't see this.
"Donna" I don't know if I said her name or thought it. I need to
close my eyes…
<><><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
I'm holding his head in my lap and I see the blood pouring through
the gaps in his fingers. He's trying to hold his blood in, he's
trying to hold on to his life and it's seeping through his fingers.
I cover his hands with my own, desperate to help him, silent prayers
flit through my brain and I watch him fade in and out. From my side,
Sam appears and gently replaces my tags around my neck, pulling my
hair out of the lanyard but holding it back so it doesn't flop in my
face as I bend over Josh's prone form.
Josh shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be suffering like this. Where
the hell is help? Why aren't they coming!
Joshua you don't get to die on me tonight. You promised me we'd find
a way. You promised me and you don't break your promises.
You can read my mind, I know you can. Read this loud and clear.
No dying tonight Joshua.
I can't do this. She can't ask me to. I'm not a strong enough man to
deal with all of this and try to run the country at the same time.
>><><><><><>
Donna POV
I hear his words and they just make me want to scream. But that might
draw attention to us from the press corp.
"Donna, I can't, I can't for the life of me understand why you think
something can work."
"Damnit Joshua, I am so frustrated with you."
<><><><><><>
Josh POV
With me?
Really?
"Frustrated with me?"
It is always good to confirm these things and from the look on
Donna's face she's definitely frustrated with me, coming up on pissed
off too.
"Ok, so you're frustrated. What in God's name do you think I am?"
<><><>>><><><>
Donna POV
"I keep hearing about this education you have, Harvard, Yale,
Fulbright Scholar. Yet, I don't see it. I don't see how between our
intelligence and our combined brain power we can't figure out a way
around the issues."
Crap.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
"It's never going to happen is it?"
><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
She walks away without waiting to hear my answer. I don't know if
it's ever going to happen, but I know I desperately want it to. I
desperately want to be able to have it happen.
I watch her walk away and begin working on something. She is, without
a shadow of a doubt, unlike any woman I've ever known.
Donna inspires me to be a different man, to remember that politics,
while a huge part of my life, is not my only life. The banter and the
flirting make us who we are.
<><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
I've been away from him for too long. I miss his presence. Everyone
jokes about his ego, but the `everyone' is right, his ego is huge.
Maybe it comes from being oh so damn good about the job he does. He's
earned the ego.
But what I really miss is the way he fills up a room. Josh walks in
and it is as if the room instantly transfers from Black and White to
a fifty inch plasma tv with such brilliant colors you can't remember
a time when you didn't have it, and if perchance you do remember the
time, you don't want to.
When I am walking next to him, his hand softly resting at the small
of my back, guiding me, leading me, escorting me from place to place
in such a way most would see it as gentlemanly. I know the truth.
I know it's the closest he's going to be able to get to actually
touching me in public. Josh can't hold my hand and he can't wrap his
arm around me. There is a need for secrecy because of who we are.
I hate that need.
<><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
Donna and I haven't finished this argument by a long shot. It's a
recurring one. She's not frustrated with me she's frustrated with the
situation we find ourselves in.
I watch her work as I walk through the Newseum and listen to the
President speak. Some days, on the tough days, I think I can give
this all up and she and I can be happy. Then I remember why I'm here
and it's not about the easy days. It's about the tough days. It's
about the fight.
It's about the struggle. How come I feel like I'm constantly
struggling?
I may not be standing next to her but I know where she is, I know her
every move. She has me entranced. It's been that way since she first
walked into my office.
That night at the bar scared me. It scared me to think that I could
let myself be hurt by her so easily and so quickly. Sam would say
that men in our position can't be hurt; we don't put ourselves in the
position to be hurt. I'd disagree.
When I gave my heart to one Donnatella Moss, I handed over the rights
to being hurt.
<><><><><><><>
Donna POV
Josh moves through this place with a fluidity that is rarely seen in
politics. He owns the space; he owns the rooms he is in. Josh is the
center of attention at least with the women and probably with the men
too because they feel threatened by him. Threatened politically and
threatened personally. He can have any woman in the room and maybe
even some of the men too.
It is, in no uncertain terms, erotic to watch him work. To see the
passion that just flows from his body, the way he puts himself, all
of himself into the actions of politics is mesmerizing. His arms,
hands and body move of their own accord and compliment whatever point
he is trying to make. His energy and stamina are the thing of legends
as he bounces on his feet, unable to control himself from moving. The
way he paces is rhythmic. His eyes glancing around, taking in
everything but focusing solely on the one person in front of him make
you wonder how you can breathe without him watching you.
I turn to walk into the lobby, needing some air when I feel him
watching me.
<><><><><><>
Josh POV
Where the hell is she going now? It's not time for us to leave. Soon,
but not yet.
I hate these events when I can see her but I can't touch her. I can't
banter with her and we definitely can't spend much time together.
As I walk near the stairs I look up as Toby calls my name. I see the
signal and breathe a sigh of relief. I move to tell Leo and hope to
get this evening wrapped up.
From the corner of my eye I see Donna, there is so much I want to say
to her, and so much I can't.
I make the signal and Leo looks at me, dumbfounded. I explain it's
the signal for the thing and we talk for a minute before we continue
on with our tasks for the town hall.
<><><><><><><>
Donna POV
I'm watching Josh from the lobby, I see him make the sign to Leo and
I know the shuttle is safe. I offer a silent prayer of thanks.
I lean against the wall, closing my eyes and taking a few deep
breaths. I find myself unable to control my anger at this situation
Josh and I are in. I'm not sure how long I'm leaning here when I
sense Josh's presence.
Slowly I open my eyes and watch him watch me.
"Josh?"
<><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
She's stressed just the tone of her voice tells me that.
"You ok?"
I take in the sight of Donna trying to grasp hold of her emotions.
They run rampant across her face, her jaw tightens and her eyes
blaze. This is one of my favorite looks on her. Defiant Donna.
"I'm far from ok and I'd presume you are far from ok!"
She screams at me in a whisper. I decide the lobby, in view of the
senior staff, the press corps and those in attendance for tonight's
town hall meeting don't need to see this spat so I drag her into a
dimly lit alcove off the lobby.
"I'm about as far from ok as I can be, but Donna we're working
tonight. We need to do the job first."
I watch as her eyes grow bright with tears she's fighting against
letting fall.
<><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
Damnit Donna crying is not an option now.
"How can you do this? How can you imagine that this can only be about
work when we know it's not, it's not even close Josh. This is so much
more. We haven't even begun and you're telling me we're over? I
refuse to believe it."
I watch him again and I see the fight return to his eyes. His words
echo the emotions in his eyes.
"We aren't over, we're just delayed."
"Delayed?"
<><><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
"Delayed, for the time being. Till we either find new jobs or find
our way around the ones we have now."
She looks at me and nearly kills me when a single tear escapes her
eyes, slowly trailing down her cheek. I reach out to wipe it away.
Her words make me want to cry.
"I don't know if I can wait that long Josh. I don't know if I can
delay this thing between us. I don't know if I can live with myself
if I try to."
She's angry again and as she turns to the right to walk away from me,
I desperately reach out and grab her left hand. I pull her back to
me, wrapping our joined hands around my waist to my back, my left
hand on the wall next to her head and my face millimeters from hers.
I step closer, boxing her against the wall with my body, fitting my
chest to her chest and my hips to her hips. I stifle the groan at the
back of my throat that threatens to give away how desperate I am to
be in this position with her while wearing much less clothing.
I tilt my head and whisper to her,
"I can't live with myself if we don't try" and with that I capture
her lips in one of the deepest, most passionate kisses we've ever
engaged in. We've had slip ups before, but not like this. This is
deliberate, calculated and executed flawlessly.
I feel the exact moment she gives in to the kiss and the emotions. It
is when she squeezes the hand that holds hers against my back and at
the same time I feel her run her leg up mine. Anyone watching us must
wonder if she's climbing up my body and just exactly what we're
doing. I release her hand and wrap my arm around her pulling her
flush against me and then I lean us against the wall, my knuckles
scraping against the cement.
<><><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
Wha?
Huh?
Um…
Oh yeah, kissing Josh.
HOLY COW!
AAANNNDDD… now I'm not kissing him.
He pulled back, smirk firmly in place. Then I hear him in a husky
whispered tone,
"We'll figure it out. That kiss tells me and hopefully you also, we
have no choice but to."
With that I watch him walk towards the door, the senior staff just
left and he's about to walk out when he turns to face me.
He smiles at me, his eyes soft and longing. He moves through the door
and as I gaze at the back of his head, I shake myself from my reverie
and move towards the door as well.
<><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
Where the hell did everyone go? How did I end up separated from them
for only a minute or two…
What in the hell is that noise.
Shit… that's gunfire. I speed up my walking in the attempt to find
everyone.
<><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
As I cross through the door, I hear the most horrific sounds and see
everyone scrambling. The press corps races off to the side as I watch
windows shatter before my eyes. I see the secret service throwing
people down and for a half a minute I am frozen. One thought passes
through my mind,
Josh…
<><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
This isn't good, god this isn't good. I have never felt pain like
this in my life. I can't really breathe and I can't scream. Where is
everyone?
She's never going to know.
She's never going to know.
Please god let her be safe.
Toby.
Toby's here. He's screaming at me,
"Josh!"
I try to open my eyes. He's screaming for help as he kneels next to
me. I have to know.
"Donna…"
<><><><><><><><>
Toby POV
He's laying on the ground, half dying and he's asking about DONNA?
"She's fine I think, she's not with us right now. Don't worry about
Donna right now."
He looks at me and without uttering another word I realize he needs
an answer. I don't think I want to know how deep he is into
this `thing' with Donna, but he's laying here bleeding out so I look
around and see her by the doors to the Newseum. She looks stunned and
terrified but seems unharmed. I look at Josh and relay that info,
"She's by the door to the Newseum. Secret Service won't let her any
further than the awning of the building. It seems they are physically
holding her back."
He closes his eyes and seems to settle down knowing Donna is safe and
won't be allowed into the open air.
Joshua, when you recover from this I'm going to kick your ass all the
way back to Connecticut.
<><><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
She's safe…
She's safe…
I'm just going to close my eyes for a minute…
><><><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
These damn secret service agents keep telling me they won't let me
through. I have to get to Josh.
"I have to get to Josh. Please please let me go. I just heard you say
the shooters are down. There's no danger. Please let me go."
The agent holds me back. There are tears streaming down my face.
"You don't understand…"
"Ma'am I can't let you go. You need to stay back here. You're badge
doesn't authorize you…"
"MY BADGE? MY FUCKING BADGE DOESN'T AUTHORIZE ME TO BE WITH JOSH?"
I rip the laminated tags over my head and fling them to the ground,
taking the agent by surprise. Using that surprise to my advantage I
break out into a dead run towards where Josh is laying on the ground
with Toby kneeling next to him.
I blew past Sam and I know he was stunned, but nothing, now that I'm
free from the binds of the agents is keeping me from Josh.
Hold on Josh, I'm coming…
<><><><><><><>
Toby POV
Donna is running towards us. I should tell Josh.
"Josh! Open your eyes, Donna is running over to us, hang on Josh, and
open your damn eyes."
As Donna approaches I shift out of her way. As she flings herself on
the ground, I can almost hear her knees scrape the concrete. She
cradles Josh's head in her lap.
I am stunned at the look of utter devastation on her face.
<><><><><><><><>
Josh POV
She's here.
She shouldn't see this.
"Donna" I don't know if I said her name or thought it. I need to
close my eyes…
<><><><><><><><><>
Donna POV
I'm holding his head in my lap and I see the blood pouring through
the gaps in his fingers. He's trying to hold his blood in, he's
trying to hold on to his life and it's seeping through his fingers.
I cover his hands with my own, desperate to help him, silent prayers
flit through my brain and I watch him fade in and out. From my side,
Sam appears and gently replaces my tags around my neck, pulling my
hair out of the lanyard but holding it back so it doesn't flop in my
face as I bend over Josh's prone form.
Josh shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be suffering like this. Where
the hell is help? Why aren't they coming!
Joshua you don't get to die on me tonight. You promised me we'd find
a way. You promised me and you don't break your promises.
You can read my mind, I know you can. Read this loud and clear.
No dying tonight Joshua.
