Painful Progress: Chapters 1-4
Donna looked anxiously out the window. He’d said he’d be here, but she knew better than
anyone how his schedule could suddenly fluctuate and in these days especially….well, she’d
understand if he couldn’t be there. She’d be disappointed, but she’d understand.
In the 10 days since she returned to Wisconsin from Germany, Josh had called several times a
day and sent emails or texts on top of that. Much of the communication was rushed and most
of it was work related; where is thus and such? Who do I call for this? Can you believe the
asshole went against us on this? That kind of thing. Still, it was reassuring to her that he
needed her in any way and she relished every single time she heard from him. She’d felt
something pass between them in those moments after she’d awakened from surgery;
something powerful and new. Some days she’d almost convince herself that it was all in her
imagination, but then her mother would make some comment about Josh’s devotion and it
would send her hopes flying again. This would be the first time they were together since
Germany. This would be the test.
“You aren’t going to be able to see him from the window, Donna.” Katherine Moss reminded
her.
“See who?” Donna played innocent but she couldn’t fool her mother. Kate Moss didn’t push it
though, she simply rolled her eyes at the act. Then Donna broke character long enough to
sigh at the slow going of the disembarking process. She’d have to wait until they were all off
the plane before her wheelchair would be brought on board and she could be wheeled off. It
was taking forever!
When she was finally wheeled down the gangway she found herself keeping her eyes on her
hands so as not to be disappointed if he wasn’t there.
“Josh!” Her mother called out. “You made it!”
Donna’s head snapped up to see her boss standing just outside the gangway doors.
“Aren’t there rules about non-passengers being barred from the gates?” Donna asked.
“I never pay attention to rules, you know that.” He smirked and leaned down to kiss her cheek.
Once there, he whispered, “You look great.” Donna was sure her entire body blushed.
“I couldn’t possibly.” She denied. “I’m exhausted and in pain.”
“Her drugs wore off during the flight, but she wouldn’t take anymore on the plane because they
make her nauseous and the flight was already making her sick to her stomach.” Kate
explained.
“Then let’s get you home and tucked in bed where you can overmedicate and sleep it off.”
Josh suggested. Donna thought that sounded great.
Josh had thought of everything from the rental van to take her and all her new hardware
home, to fresh food in the fridge. She was guessing the last bit was someone else’s
suggestion, but he still took care of the details and that touched her. There were even flowers
at her bedside; red roses. When Donna threw him a questioning glance after looking at the
roses, he’d stammered a bit.
“I, uh…got some for you in Germany, but, uh…they got trashed when you were wheeled into
emergency surgery.” He practically toed the carpet. “Here, take your pills.” He thrust them into
her hand along with a glass of Sprite. She dutifully swallowed the medication and was
saddened to discover her head was bobbing with exhaustion. Her mother had left them alone
for a bit and she didn’t want to waste this time alone with Josh sleeping.
“You look wiped. Let’s get you into bed so you can get some sleep.” Josh flipped the foot rests
up so Donna could stand, but when she tried, she nearly tipped over from weakness and
dizziness. “Whoa, hold on.” Josh took her in his arms to steady her before carefully lifting her
and depositing her gently on the bed and pulling up the comforter around her.
“Sorry…I’m just so tired…” Donna’s eyes seemed to be closing of their own accord.
“It’s okay.” Josh smiled his understanding. “Go to sleep.”
“Don’t…go…” She requested.
“Nah, I’ll stick around for awhile and make fun of you while you’re stoned. I brought stuff over
to work on and everything.” He lifted his ever present backpack to show her and she nodded
before closing her eyes in sleep; confident that he’d be there when she woke up.
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When her eyes fluttered open around 7 pm, they were noticed immediately by Josh.
“You okay? Do you need more pain meds?” He asked solicitously.
“Nuh-uh.” Donna felt foggy enough as it was. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”
“Do you not recall begging me to stay?” Josh joked lightly. “I’m working.” He indicated the
papers spread on her bed and his lap.
“You’re not on the phone and I haven’t heard it ringing.” Donna countered.
“You wouldn’t have heard Big Ben if it had chimed in your bedroom.” Josh pointed out but he
averted his eyes.
“Josh? What’s going on?” Josh figured he was in trouble if she could tell something was wrong
while she was stoned. He always had misdirection though.
“Nothing. I’ve got something for you.” He dug around in his backpack until he came up with a
long, slim box. Donna opened it to find a pen inside. She looked quizzically at Josh.
“It’s a pen from the peace signing.” He explained.
“Really?”
“No, Donna, I made the whole thing up and picked up the pen at the drug store on my way to
the airport.” Josh groused.
Donna blinked in surprise at his tone. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…you
should be keeping this. You were instrumental in the peace negotiations. I had nothing to do
with it.”
“Are you kidding me? You were a blood donor.” Josh contradicted her and then closed his
eyes at the faux pas. The last thing he wanted to do was remind her of the blood she lost in
this world event. “I just wanted you to have it. To remember something good came out of it.”
“Thanks. I’ll treasure it.” Donna told him. “Will you put it on the high shelf over there? I keep all
my special mementos up there.”
“Sure.” Josh took the box from her again, letting his fingers brush across hers a moment
longer than was necessary before he moved to place the box on the shelf of honor. His heart
skipped a beat when he recognized other items there; a Bartlet for America campaign badge,
and a copy of The Art and Artistry of Alpine skiing. His head swiveled around to Donna’s, but
her eyes were closed again.
He hesitated, trying to decide if he should leave her now or stay a while longer, when Donna
opened her eyes again.
“What’s wrong?” She repeated. “I can see there’s something wrong, Joshua. Do I look that
bad?”
“God, no!” Josh disputed. “Believe me when I tell you that you’ve never looked better to me. I’
m just glad you’re back home.”
“Something’s off. Did you do another press conference while I was gone and now you’ve been
banished for awhile? Is that why your phone isn’t ringing? Do I need to call C.J.?” Josh
grimaced in reflex to C.J.’s name. “Oh, Josh, how did you piss off C.J. now?”
“I didn’t.” He scoffed.
“I’ll call her, Joshua. I have her on speed dial.” She threatened.
“She’s a little busy right now.” Josh noted.
“You’re all a little busy right now. You’re trying to rally Congressional support for the peace
treaty and fighting for-“
“She’s busy getting up to speed on Leo’s job, Donna.” Josh interrupted her. He couldn’t force
the words ‘Chief of Staff’ out of his mouth and he couldn’t look at Donna when he told her. It
was just too humiliating. He already went through it during staff; he still hadn’t called his
mother. “They’re going to announce it tomorrow morning at the 8 am briefing.”
“No…” Donna shook her head in disbelief. “That’s not right…C.J.? Is this just temporary, until
Leo gets back, or-“
“It’s permanent.” Josh interrupted again, still looking at the floor.
“Oh my God, Josh.” Donna exclaimed. “Is this because of- Is this punishment because you
came to me in Germany while-“
“NO!” Josh’s eyes finally met Donna’s so she could read the conviction in them. “This had
NOTHING to do with that, Donna. Nothing.” He repeated. She wanted to believe him, but this
just didn’t make sense. Josh had worked his heart out for the President and HE was Leo’s
Deputy. Why would C.J. leapfrog over him to take the Chief of Staff job? There must be more
to this. In the meantime, here was Josh. Brushed aside by Leo again. How many times did they
think they could do this to him before he just stopped bothering to get up again? “So you see?
It’s really a blessing in disguise. I’ve got plenty of time to spend with you and help you recover
just like you did for me.”
Donna’s tears came pretty easily these days, so it wasn’t a surprise to her that his selfless
comment turned on the waterworks. “I’m so sorry, Josh.”
Feeling helpless, and close to tears himself, he simply took her into his arms and let her cry on
his shoulder. “Hey, I’m okay. The most important thing to me is that you’re here now and on
the road to recovery. Please don’t cry.”
“How could they do that to you?”
“I’ve had a pretty tumultuous few weeks, Donnatella, and you know what I’ve learned?”
“What?”
“That it’s not all about the job. And if it is? Then something is wrong.” Josh told her honestly.
He didn’t know why he’d been passed over. Despite his adamant response earlier, part of him
wondered if it WAS related to the choices he made after the bombing. It didn’t matter in the
end. If he’d known ahead of time this would be the consequence for going to Donna’s side, it
wouldn’t have changed the decision he made. “Here you have me at your beck and call, with
an endless supply of chick flicks at your disposal and you want to sit here and cry because C.
J. got the big office? That’s small thinking Donnatella. I trained you better than that. Pick a
movie.” Josh insisted.
“Far and Away.” Donna stated without hesitation.
“A LONG chick flick.” Josh sighed. “At least it had some interesting political themes.” He rose to
find and insert the DVD in the player and then settled in beside Donna on the bed, being sure
to stay on her ‘good’ side.
When Kate checked on them later, she found them asleep in each other’s arms. She hoped it
brought them both a little peace. She’d overheard their earlier conversation and it broke her
heart. How much more were these two expected to endure?
Normally, she wasn’t one to defend Josh Lyman. She understood his relationship with her
daughter was complicated, but he was also the reason Donna had given up her life and family
in Wisconsin. She worked all kinds of crazy hours and seemed to be devoted to Josh Lyman in
ways that were not normally associated with the boss/assistant relationship. If she had to
pinpoint when it became problematic, she’d guess it was after Rosslyn when all kinds of lines
got blurred. Her fear had been that the feelings her daughter had for Josh were one sided.
Clearly, Josh cared about her and looked out for her, but as for anything more…
Anyway, any doubts she had before had been completely blown away by level of devotion she’
d seen in Josh since Germany. He’d been devastated when she had first arrived. Had in fact,
begged her forgiveness for sending Donna to Gaza in the first place. He’d taken care of every
single detail of her care there, and her transport home. He’d barely left her side until he’d
finally been called back to the White House. When he admitted that he had nothing with him
because he’d left for Germany with only the contents of his backpack; she was sunk. And, she
suspected, so was Donna.
It looked like both her ‘children’ were in for a rough few months.
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Chapter 2
“Have some coffee before you go.” Katherine Moss insisted.
“Thanks.” Josh took a sip, while he gathered his things. “You shouldn’t have let me sleep here.
Or, at least, not let me sleep so late.”
“You needed some rest. And I think it was good for Donna too.” Kate smiled. “She’s missed
you a lot.”
“That’s mutual.” Josh informed her quietly. “You won’t bring her in until noon, right? I mean,
you know she’s going to harass you about going in early, but you’ll stay strong and wait until
noon.”
“Yes, Josh. I will risk life and limb and refuse to bring her in until noon.” Kate assured him.
“We should really get you some sort of flak jacket.” Josh teased. “I’m getting a cab, and here
are the keys to the rental.”
“I don’t need the rental, Josh.” Donna called from the other room.
“You really do, Donnatella.” Josh called back. “How the hell are you going to get the wheel
chair in and out of your dilapidated piece of shit vehicle? Pardon me, Mrs. Moss.”
“No, I think it’s a piece of shit too.” Kate agreed.
“I’m not using the damn wheel chair.” Donna noted…again.
“You are until your doctor clears you for the damn crutches.” Josh shot back and shook his
head. “If you think you’re moving your fine ass out of that wheelchair one minute before it’s
cleared, I got news for you Donna Moss.”
“Would you just go to work already before they demote you to errand boy?” Donna quipped.
“Yes, ma’am.” Josh smiled and swallowed the rest of the coffee in one gulp. “If you weren’t
already married, Mrs. Moss, I’d propose on the strength of your coffee making/delivery skills
alone.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere, Joshua. Have a good morning. We’ll see you at noon.”
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“You shouldn’t be wheeling me around like this.” Donna mentioned again.
“I want to wheel you around like this.” Josh replied. “It’s the most control I’ve had over you
since you hired yourself.”
“Oh my God, what happened to my desk?”
“A few things piled up and-“
“A few!”
“It’s…job security.” Josh pointed out.
“It’s migraine inducing.” She corrected. “It will take me a year to get through all this.”
“Two probably; you’re on half days.” Josh added.
“Josh…”
“This is your new best friend, Beth.” Josh introduced an intern. “She will be your legs for
awhile. Tell her what you need, where you need to go, and she will take care of it.”
“Hi Beth, I’m Donna.” Donna held out a hand.
“Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
“Ma’am?” Donna’s eyes bugged. “Just Donna, please.”
“We’re so glad you’re back. You are SO brave.” Beth gushed.
“I’m glad to be back.” Donna looked over at Josh for help.
“Okay, Beth, why don’t you and Donna get started on the omnibus bill. I have to get to an
appointment on the hill.” Josh directed.
“Yes, sir.” Beth responded.
“Yes, SIR.” Donna snarked and had Josh smirking.
Donna was amazed to discover how exhausted she was after only 2 hours of work. What the
hell was the matter with her? On top of that, everyone and their brother was stopping by to say
‘hello’ and welcome her back except that it was starting to get on her nerves.
“Donna! Great to have you back.”
“Thanks Ed. I appreciate it.”
“Josh has been LOST without you here.”
“Yeah, I’m getting that impression.” Donna smiled grimly.
“Do you want this filed under...?” Beth asked.
“Just- just put in on Josh’s desk for now.” Donna snapped. “Beth…I need to use the restroom.”
“Oh, sure.” Beth jumped up to wheel her there. The White House restrooms weren’t nearly as
disability friendly as she had been led to believe but once she was inside the women’s room
she couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Do you…need any more help?” Beth asked.
“God, no.” Donna snapped again. “I mean, no, thank you. I’ve got it from here. You just go
back to my desk and start on the pile of correspondence, okay?”
“Sure. I’m on it.” Bubbly Beth replied. Donna was growing to dislike Bubbly Beth.
After several humiliating minutes where Donna was walked in on while she tried to use the
restroom, she finally completed her task and washed her hands. The problem came when she
tried to leave. The door had no electric switch and she couldn’t open the door and move out
the way of the door simultaneously. She thought about calling out for help but that seemed so
much worse. The pent up emotions of the day overcame her and she dissolved into tears.
“Donna?” Josh’s voice came from the other side of the door. “You okay in there?”
Donna tried to wipe the tears from her face and cleared her throat. “I’m…I’m fine. Can you get
the door for me?”
“Sure.” The door swung open effortlessly and Donna started to cry again. Such a simple thing,
opening the door.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Did you get out of the chair? I told you not to-“
“I didn’t get out of the damn chair, okay?” Donna could hear her voice get high and shrill, but
she couldn’t seem to do anything about it. “My leg is throbbing, everyone in the building keeps
stopping by to tell me how they can’t believe I’m still alive after watching the explosion on TV,
and bubbly Beth out there is on my last nerve!”
Josh came into the women’s room without hesitation and let the door close behind him. He
hunkered down in front of Donna and took her hand.
“Maybe it was too soon for you to come back.” He wondered out loud. “You’ve been through a
lot.”
“It’s NOT too soon, I just need-“
“Okay, okay.” Josh soothed her. “Tell you what. First thing we’re going to do is send, what did
you call her? Oh yeah, bubbly Beth. We’ll send her on to a new assignment. You can work in
my office with me for the rest of the afternoon, where we’re going to pump you up with the
good stuff and wash it down with Toby’s whiskey.”
Donna gave a watery laugh.
“Next we’re going to send out an email to Operations thanking everyone for their support and
warm welcome and instructing them to leave you the hell alone from now on.” Josh finished.
“You’re sure you don’t want me to take you home?”
“I’ve only been here a couple hours!” Donna objected.
“Okay. I was just checking. Can we please get out of the women’s bathroom before someone
comes in and I have to make an awkward explanation?” Josh asked and Donna nodded her
agreement.
Without another word, he wheeled her directly to his office and shut the door with her inside.
After sending Beth on her way, and asking Ginger to send out the email to Operations he got
back to what little work he was responsible for.
“How was staff this morning?” Donna asked in a neutral voice.
“Fine.”
“Fine?”
“We played this joke on C.J. where we all pretended to resign; even the President.” Josh
relayed.
“Pretended?” Donna said sarcastically.
“Donna…”
“Have you talked to Leo? Asked him why-“
“Donna.” Josh interrupted her. “This was the President’s decision.”
“He would only have made the decision based on Leo’s recommendation.” Donna pointed out.
“I know.” Josh acknowledged. “Can we concentrate on what I have on my plate right now,
rather than what I don’t?”
“Yes. I’m sorry. I’m just…disappointed in him; in both of them.” Donna admitted. “What should
we work on?”
“Nah-uh. First these.” Josh handed her two pills.
“You got these from my purse?”
“I did.”
“You went into my purse without permission and took out my medication.”
“Again, yes. Now quit stalling and take the pills.”
“They make me act goofy.”
“And that would be different for you how?”
“Ha. Ha.”
“It’s not like you’re writing laws or driving anywhere, Donna.”
“I will be when I have my electric wheelchair tomorrow.”
“Then we’ll worry about that tomorrow. Today, take the pills.” He insisted and once she’d
dutifully swallowed them, he put her carefully to work.
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Josh hurried through the hospital corridors the next day. He’d told Donna’s mom that he’d pick
Donna up from rehab and bring her to work himself. His meeting had run late and now he was
going to be late picking her up. True, it was just a matter of a few minutes, but he knew what it
was like to be working through rehab. Once you were done, you didn’t want to hang around
and linger in the hall of torture. So when he came careening around the corner, he was, at
first, glad to hear Donna was still working with her therapist.
“Come on, Donna, five more.” A male voice was telling her. “Donna, let’s go.”
“I can’t.” Donna’s voice sounded raw.
“Yes, you can. Let’s go.”
“I’m done.” Donna shouted and startled Josh who was standing just outside the therapy room.
“Donna, you’ve made a good start, but you need to build up more endurance. Your leg took a
lot of trauma and-“
“My leg?” Donna laughed but it had a shrill sound that Josh recognized from her melt down
yesterday. “My leg took trauma? That is NOTHING to the trauma the rest of me took, asshole.
And let’s talk about the trauma the other passengers in my car took, shall we? I mean, while we’
re on the subject of trauma, why not touch on that just for comparison sake, huh?”
“Donna…” The therapist tried to divert her but she was on a roll which caused Josh to put his
back against the wall and sink to the floor.
“I’m damn lucky to be alive! Just ask ANYBODY!” Donna continued. “So maybe the fucking leg
lifts can wait for another day.” Each foul word was like a punch to Josh’s gut. This was NOT his
Donna.
“No, they can’t.” The therapist calmly responded. “The muscles need a rigorous and ever
increasing schedule of exercise or it will literally set you back months.”
“So what? I’ve got nothing to rush for. Work is a joke and everybody seems perfectly content
to wait on me hand and foot like I’m some kind of permanent cripple.”
“Then prove them wrong and get up on your own two feet.” The therapist suggested. “Prove
that you’re stronger than they think.”
There was a long pause before Josh heard Donna’s quiet reply. “I’m not.” Then her sobs rang
out from the therapy room and Josh would turn over each of his personal trust funds to make it
stop. He wanted to go in there and comfort her, but he found he was a mess himself. He
remembered his rehab after Rosslyn; the helplessness, the hopelessness and the fear. It was
all coming back.
*** Flashback***
“Do you need help getting up?” Donna asked.
“I’m quite capable of getting out of a bed by myself, Donna.” Josh snapped.
“I know you are. But you just had the Vicodin and sometimes that makes you dizzy.”
“Thanks Mom, because I certainly can’t remember stuff like that on my own.”
“Well, you’re old and you’re injured. How should I know what you can and cannot remember?”
“Thanks, your support is underwhelming. Where the hell is the report from DOJ I asked for?”
Josh asked as he gingerly walked to the table in his hospital room.
“Toby said you didn’t need it.”
“But I said I did!” Josh retorted.
“Toby told me that he and Sam-“
“I don’t work for Toby or Sam and by the way, neither do you.” Josh reminded her.
“Ooooookaaaaaay…” Donna agreed carefully.
“Mr. Lyman? Time for physical therapy.” A nurse’s assistant called from the door.
“I can’t today. I have too much work.” Josh replied without even looking up at her.
“Sure you can, Josh.” Donna said in confusion.
“No, I really can’t.” he countered, then looked over at the woman in the doorway. “I have to
reschedule.”
“David said you need to come two times today or it’ll cause a setback.” She explained. “You’re
supposed to come now.”
“I’ll bring him down in just a few minutes.” Donna stepped in.
“No, you WON’T!” Josh slammed the palm of his hand on the table causing both women to
jump.
“Will you excuse us please?” Donna requested when she could find her voice. Once the
assistant left them alone, she tried again. “Josh?”
“You don’t speak for me Donna and I don’t need to be placated or treated with kid gloves,
damn it! When I say I need something, you bring it to me, got it? I have lots of work to do,
important work to do, and you and Toby can’t form a committee and outvote me. Do you hear
me? You can’t just…cut me out of the loop like this!”
“Josh…” She tried again.
“This is all bullshit!” Josh exploded. “Do they think my brain was damaged when I was shot in
the heart? This is all busy work! They’re just placating me with busy work!”
“They don’t want you to get upset so they-“
“You KNEW they were doing this? You agreed to help them?” Josh accused.
“I didn’t do it to help THEM, you idiot, I did it to help YOU! The doctor scared the shit out of me
telling us what could happen if we don’t keep your blood pressure down and your heart rate
normal. Now you’re going to get out of that chair and get down to therapy, right now. Work can
wait!” Donna told him.
“No.” Josh replied softly.
“Josh you have to-“
“No!” He responded louder.
“Josh, please.”
“I can’t do it, Donna.” He said simply.
“Yes, you can. Of course you can.”
“No, I CAN’T.” Josh’s voice shook. “You don’t get it! I can hardly get from the bed to the chair.
Yesterday, I fell FOUR times trying to climb up two stairs; TWO FUCKING STAIRS, Donna!”
Donna didn’t know what to do. She’d never seen Josh lack confidence in anything…EVER.
“Shhhhh….it’s okay.” Donna took him in her arms and gently rocked back and forth.
“It’s not okay. It’ll never be okay again.” Josh countered. “The cardiologist was here again this
morning. He said this kind of injury can take years off my life expectancy.”
“Stop it, Joshua.” Donna cut that line of thought off immediately. “We’re not going to think like
that; absolutely not. You’re going to get through this therapy and get healthier and stronger
than ever. You are one of the strongest people I know.”
“I can’t do it, Donna. I just don’t have the strength.”
“Then I’ll give you some of mine.” Donna told him. “We’ll do it together. I’ll be with you every
step of the way, I promise.”
***Present***
Remembering her strength and determination that day made him ashamed of his inability to go
to her now. It was his turn to help her through this and he was letting her down. He just couldn’t
do it.
He shakily got to his feet and scrambled away from the therapy room like the hounds of hell
were chasing him. When he was a couple blocks away he called Katherine Moss.
“Mrs. Moss, it’s Josh. I came over to pick up Donna, but she’s not done yet and I just got
paged back to the office. I’m sorry, but can you come down here and drive her back?” Josh
waited for the affirmative reply he knew was coming. “Thanks. I’m so sorry, I thought I could do
this, but I can’t.” The truth in his words hit him like a ton of bricks. “Tell her…I’ll see her later.”
Josh quickly hung up and caught a cab to the White House. He’d do anything to get away from
there as quickly as possible. How could he face Donna again?
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Chapter 3
“Hey, you’re here.” Josh noted with what he hoped wasn’t too anxious an expression.
“Sorry I’m late. Rehab ran a little long.” Donna replied but didn’t quite meet his eyes.
“No problem. I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you over like we’d planned.” Josh apologized. “I got
called back. In fact, I have something now, but Toby asked if you’d help him with the Press
Secretary search.”
“I can…don’t you need…?”
“No, I’m good.” Josh disputed. “And Toby needs to find a replacement Press Secretary, like
yesterday. You should have seen his press conference. I swear to God it made my secret plan
to fight inflation event look like a walk in the park. He had C.J. swatting at aircraft with her
purse.” Josh’s mood improved re-telling the story. He even saw a hint of a smile on Donna’s
face. “Toby needs you way more than I do right now. So will you help him?”
“Of course.” Donna nodded and maneuvered her newly minted electric wheelchair out of Josh’
s office with minimum trouble.
“You’re driving that thing pretty well already.” Josh noted.
“I’m an excellent driver.” Donna said sardonically. “But I’ll be glad when I don’t need it
anymore.”
“I’m sure, but don’t push it right? Listen to your PT and don’t overdo anything.” Josh advised.
“No.” Donna scoffed. “No overdoing.” And neatly drove off to help Toby. Toby wasn’t sure how
much help he needed, but when Josh asked the favor from him, and realized it was really for
Donna, he agreed immediately. Toby had always had a soft spot for Donna and the bombing
in Gaza, which narrowly missed his ex-wife, had only deepened that bond.
Josh dove into preparations for the China Summit, hoping and praying that his change of boss
wasn’t going to alter the fact that he’d be heading it with the President.
“Knock, knock.” C.J. matched the actions to her words.
“Hi..” Josh looked down hastily at all his work on China and wondered if it was about to be
snatched away from him and stood up. This new dynamic was still very awkward between them
and the fact that they hadn’t spoken about it wasn’t helping matters.
“I stopped by to see Donna?” C.J. ignored the elephant in the room.
“She’s in the briefing room with Toby, searching for your successor.” Josh explained then
immediately regretted his choice of words, but C.J. just nodded.
“Let her know I stopped by?”
“Sure…Oh, and I’ll have a preliminary report for you on China. It looks like we’ll be able to
include Taiwan in our agenda.”
“Great.”
“Unless…did you want me to continue to work on this?” Josh asked hesitantly and C.J. blinked
in surprise at his question and tone.
“Of course I do. Nothing’s changed here, Josh.” C.J. tried to assure him and immediately
regretted HER words. Of course things had changed, nearly everything had changed. “I mean,
you’re the President’s go to guy on this and we’re counting on you.”
Josh acknowledged her amended statement. “Okay, then, I’ll keep at it and bring you regular
updates?”
“How did you run it with Leo?” C.J. asked.
“Twice a day unless something important popped in between.” Josh reported.
“That sounds good. Ask Donna to stop by when she’s done.”
“Will do.” Josh agreed and sat back down relieved that at least that concern could be crossed
off his list.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
“Any luck?” Josh asked Donna when she returned from the interviews.
“I think I can safely say that I’d put you out there to brief before any of the people we saw
today.” Donna summed up.
“That’s bad.” Josh deduced.
“Very bad.” Donna corrected. “How are things going here?”
“Better. Uh…C.J. is looking for you. She asked if you’d stop by when you were done with Toby.”
“Okay…I’ll stop later. I’m sure she’s busy. What on tap here?”
“I’m in desperate need of note cards on Taiwan.” Josh raised his eyebrows in question.
“I can do note cards.” Donna offered.
“Nobody does them better. It’s just that sometimes they’re difficult to read.”
Donna’s tongue rolled around in her cheek. “Then lucky for you I’m here to decipher them for
you.”
“Very lucky.” Josh agreed. “I’ll just set this stuff on your desk.”
“I can take it myself.”
“I know, but I can help.” Josh was determined to make up for letting her down earlier even if
she was unaware of it. He brought the briefing books to her desk and cleared a space. He’d
already moved her old chair into his office for the time being so she could get around in the
wheelchair easier. It made him physically ill at times to see her in that chair and know that she
was in it because of him; because he sent her there. He shook off the thought and turned back
to her.
“All set.” He announced. “You need more pain meds? You look a little peaked.”
“Peaked?” Donna repeated.
“Maybe that’s a bad choice of words?”
“Maybe?”
“I just know that a couple hours after PT I’d feel extremely tired and the pain would come
back.” Josh looked everywhere but at her.
“Yeah…well, I’m okay at the moment. The pain is just a dull throb.” She reported.
“But you know that if you need more meds, or you need to leave early, come in late, anything-
You’ve got it, right?”
“Well, there is one thing…” Donna admitted.
“What? Name it!” Josh insisted. He was still wallowing in the shame he’d felt when he left the
hospital without Donna earlier.
“There are these shoes I saw the other day…” Donna drawled with a small smile, unable to
keep a straight face any longer.
“Jesus, Donna…” Josh shook his head and laughed.
“I’m just saying it’s hard to get motivated for PT, but those shoes…If I could look forward to
wearing those shoes when I’m walking on my own again…Remember how I’d bribe you with
burnt burgers?”
Hell, yes, he remembered. He remembered it all; that was the problem. “So these shoes are
your version of burnt burgers?”
“Exactly!” Donna rewarded his logic with a beaming smile.
“Then get them.” He told her before turning back to his office.
“Seriously?” She called across the bullpen.
“I’m sure you have my American Express number memorized; use that.” He called back and
shut the door behind him. Once the door was closed, he collapsed against it. He thought that
once she was back here, once they were eye to eye and shoulder to shoulder, it would be
easier for him to tell her how he felt about her. He’d had every intention of doing so in
Germany, but once the bodice ripper came on the scene, that was all blown to hell.
So he’d bided his time, sent the roving photojournalist on his way and concentrated on taking
care of Donna; letting his actions speak for him, secure in the knowledge that at the end of the
day, she would be coming back home to him.
Now, he was relieved he hadn’t said anything to her. He wasn’t convinced any longer that he
was what was best for her. Just concentrate on work, he told himself. There was a lot of work
to do on China and maybe a success there would bolster his shaken professional confidence.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
“Mom’s here to take me home.” Donna announced at the end of the day. “Have you got
anything you want me to take home with me?”
“Nah…just rest up for tomorrow.” Josh told her. “I can email you if I run into trouble.”
“Then I should expect emails shortly and throughout the evening?” Donna teased.
“Donna! Can’t you be gracious?” Mrs. Moss chastised her daughter. “He’s trying to give you
time to recover.”
“Well…he did buy me shoes today.” Donna smiled.
“Shoes?” Mrs. Moss asked.
“Two pair.” Donna confirmed.
“Wait a minute! Two pair?” Josh inquired.
“Well…I have PT two times a day now, so…” Donna trailed off looking at him from under long
lashes, waiting for the explosion.
“Ah-kay.” Josh took a deep breath and exhaled. “Good thing I have a good paying
Government job, huh?”
Donna blinked in surprise at his reply. She’d just been teasing about the second pair. She’d
wanted to yank his chain a bit. Instead, he just smiled and agreed? What is wrong with him?
Was he so shaken by all that’s been around here that he was afraid to act normally with her?
“I guess…” Donna replied eventually. “You don’t need anything else before I leave?”
“No, I’m good, thanks.” Josh told her.
“I’ll see you later, then.”
“Later?” Josh asked in surprise.
“Oh, I guess I assumed…you’ve stopped by every night this week so…”
“I…I can…if you want me to.” Josh offered weakly and Donna heard the hesitation in his voice.
“No, like I said, it’s just been habit, I guess. You’re working late on China, you don’t need to
add another stop on your way home. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Donna hurriedly left the bullpen,
her mother trailing, puzzled, behind her.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
“Josh?” Mrs. Moss opened the door in surprise. “I didn’t expect to see you tonight.”
“Is it too late? I can leave.” Josh mumbled hoping she wouldn’t take him up on his offer.
“Don’t be silly. Come on in. Donna’s having a late night snack.” Mrs. Moss told him. “She’s
finding that a full stomach helps her tolerate the pills better.” Josh remembered that well from
his own recovery. “Look who’s here!” She called when she crossed the threshold into the
kitchen.
“Josh!” Donna almost choked on her food. “What are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to, you know, stop by and see how you were doing.” Josh threw a look at Mrs.
Moss and she took the less than subtle hint.
“Since Josh is here, I think I’ll take advantage of this reprieve and get to bed early tonight. It’s
nice to see you Joshua.” She kissed his cheek and left them alone.
“Man, have you got Mom wrapped around your finger.” Donna drawled and scooped up
another spoonful of soup into her mouth.
“Yeah? Well she’s not the only one Donnatella.” Josh drawled back and Donna had a moment
of panic when she thought he was referring to her. “The nurses in Germany? Wild about me.”
“Yes, I noticed how taken Hans was with your business sophisticated look while you were
there. Maybe not the first day you wore the suit, but certainly by the third day.”
“I didn’t. have. my. luggage.” Josh explained for the 87th time and grabbed one of her soup
crackers off her plate.
“I know. You were so anxious to see me you forgot to pack clothes.” Donna teased.
“I was.” Josh admitted. “I thought it I stopped anyplace to pick up anything, I’d miss the next
flight and then maybe…I wouldn’t get there in time.”
Donna teared up and focused on her soup bowl. “When you were in surgery, I thought if I left
the observation area, something bad would happen.” She admitted to even the playing field.
“We could probably write a book on superstitions during a crisis.”
“A chapter at least.” Donna agreed, wiped the tears away and changed the subject. “Were you
able to read the last of my cards okay?”
“Yeah, you found some good info on the shrimp exports. 25% is a large piece of our industry.”
“I’m glad you’re still working on China.” Donna announced.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Josh asked with a false bravado.
“With the change in Leo’s office, I thought maybe-“
“C.J. wouldn’t do that.” Josh broke in. “She wouldn’t ever take something like that out of my
portfolio. She doesn’t have time to get up to speed on that before the summit.”
“She’s too busy trying to get up to speed on EVERYTHING else.” Donna muttered.
Josh didn’t respond to her snarky comment directly. “Did you get a chance to stop in and see
her?”
“No, not today.” Donna replied.
“She was very worried about you.” Josh noted.
“Can we not talk about C.J.?” Donna requested. “Let’s not talk about work at all.”
“How was therapy today?” Josh asked point blank. He’d thought about it a lot and though he’d
blown the play at the hospital, he still had a chance to redeem himself.
“Fine.” Donna’s one word answer wasn’t conducive to the conversation he wanted to have with
her.
“Fine? You must have one of the few PT’s that aren’t out of work sadistic torturers.” Josh
replied.
“It’s…it’s just therapy.”
“There it is; proof that women are tougher. God, I yelled, I swore, I threatened, and then in the
end cried like a baby. Remember?” Josh prompted.
“It’s tough to forget.” Donna smiled briefly. “The one guy who came to your place after you
were released? I remember you kept threatening to get a restraining order.”
“I could have done it too, if you’d just have brought me the paperwork.” Josh pointed out.
“I was clearly derelict in my duties.”
“Not that that was the first time.” Josh noted. “Done with your soup?” Donna nodded and Josh
cleared her place.
“You need to stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Doing…stuff for me.”
“Get used to it. You do stuff for me all the time.” Josh replied hunkering down so that they were
at eye level.
“That’s different; it’s work.”
“No, it’s not; not always.” Josh stopped just short of kissing her, but they were just inches
apart. “It’s never been just about work with us.”
“No, I guess not.” Donna hedged, nervous about this line of discussion. Years of habit kicked
in and she turned to their favorite old standby…distraction. “It’s getting late and I’m sure you’
ve got early staff tomorrow to gear up for China.”
Josh stood up and stepped back like he’d been slapped. “And you must be exhausted from
your day too. Did you take your meds?”
Donna made a show of swallowing her pills in front of him, then put the wheelchair in gear.
Josh followed her to her room and helped her from the chair to the bed as he had every other
night.
“Goodnight, Donnatella. Tomorrow will be a better day.” He promised.
“How do you know?”
“Because every day is better than the one before when you’re recovering. I have a little
experience with this.”
“You have a little experience with a lot of things being that you’ve so old.” She teased.
“Nice.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Someday, you’ll appreciate my superior
experience.”
“I didn’t say it was superior, just that it was extensive.” Donna corrected.
“Enough, woman. Sleep well.” Then Josh did something totally unexpected. He kissed her on
the lips. It wasn’t hot and steamy or slow and passionate, but it wasn’t their usual goodnight
ritual either. He looked away from her to give her a moment to think about the kiss. That’s
when he saw the flowers. “Those are nice.”
“Yeah…” Donna made no other comment and averted her eyes. Josh nearly groaned aloud.
“The Irish are nothing if not persistent, are they?” He tried to joke.
“I told him when he called that he-“
“He’s calling too?”
“Just…to check up on me.” Donna explained.
“You have plenty of people here checking up on you.”
“Sam calls to check up on me all the time.” Donna reminded him.
“Sam’s different.” Josh stated.
“Why is that?”
“He just is.” Josh said resolutely.
“Okay.” Donna shook her head. She wanted to tell him she didn’t care if she never heard from
Colin again. She wanted to tell him to toss the flowers. His were still in a place of honor on her
dresser where they were the first thing she saw when she woke up. But she stayed silent. She
just didn’t know where they stood with one another anymore.
“Night.” Donna managed once she could talk again.
“Night.” Josh returned the farewell before turning off her light and quietly leaving her
apartment.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
“You’re a hard woman to reach these days.” C.J. said coming up behind Donna in the White
House lobby.
“I’m really not. And I can prove it by the number of press calls I’m getting every day.” Donna
quipped.
“Are they driving you nuts? You know Annabeth could-“
“I don’t need to bother Annabeth with my personal issues. And you CERTAINLY have better
things to worry about than which members of the press are bothering me.” C.J. looked at
Donna shrewdly. Donna’s words were innocuous enough, but the tone…
“You’re my friend. I worry about my friends.”
“Yes, you’ve given me lots of friendly advice.” Again the tone was just this side of arctic. “I think
I’ll just muddle through this one on my own.”
“Sure. If there’s anything I can-“
“I’m sorry, C.J. but Josh is waiting for this, and I’m already slowed down quite a bit by this
contraption, so…”
“Sure…of course…we’re glad you’re back, Donna.”
“Thanks.” Donna responded with a small smile.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
“Have you talked to Leo?” Donna asked Toby.
“Hey, I didn’t see you there.” Toby sighed and got up from his keyboard. “Josh said you were
gone for the day.”
“I’m not. Have you talked to Leo?”
“About what?”
“About what?!” Donna nearly screeched. “About what the hell he was thinking when he
promoted C.J.?”
“Okay, hold on a second.” Toby hurried over to shut his door. “I don’t think we need to-“
“Is he on drugs again, Toby? Is that it?”
“I wasn’t part of the discussion about Leo’s job, obviously, but-“
“How could they do this to him, Toby?”
“Things have been pretty crazy since Gaza, Donna. Josh was in Germany, Leo and the
President were fighting like cats and dogs, we were just trying to keep all the balls in the air.”
“Josh is devastated.”
“He’s handling it okay. We did this joke thing to C.J. the other day…”
“I know about the joke. This is about Josh. Was he passed over because of me? Because he
went to Germany?”
“Donna, I honestly have no idea, but I think you’re overreacting. Yeah, it was a blow, but he’s
back on his feet and doing fine.”
“Overreacting! How can you say that? You’re his best friend here. You know sitting in Leo’s
chair is all he’s even wanted to do. Now Leo himself passes him over for the spot and you think
he’s fine?”
“I think he’s dealing with it very well, yes.”
“You’re a self-absorbed idiot. People on the hill are avoiding his calls. They don’t think he has
the confidence of the President. How is he supposed to be effective in his job now?” Donna
shot back. “All you care about right now is trying not to look moronic in front of the press pool.
Well let me tell you something Toby, the ship has already sailed on that one. Now, I’m leaving
for the day.” Donna’s departure was not quite as dramatic when she had to fumble with the
door first, but she felt her point was made.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
“Got a minute?”
“Just. I’ve got a meeting with Lawrence and I can’t find the file on corn subsidies.” Josh
continued his frantic search.
“I think it’s here.” Toby pointed to a file on the visitor’s chair.
“Really? Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure. There’s a note that says, ‘I told you I’d put the subsidies file here and you swore
you were listening to me too’ signed Donna.”
“That would be it then.” Josh flushed. “I’ve been a little distracted lately.”
“Well…you’ve got China, an injured part-time assistant, and a new Chief of Staff to bring up to
speed.” Toby, because he was watching, saw Josh flinch at the mention of the new Chief of
Staff.
“Well, believe me when I tell you that the most complicated and distracting item on that list is
the injured part time assistant.” Josh tried to joke.
“I believe you.” Toby nodded. “She stopped by to see me earlier.”
“About the Press Secretary search?” Josh guessed.
“About whether or not she’s responsible for the fact that C.J. is sitting in Leo’s chair.” Toby
said point blank.
“What?!” Josh exclaimed. “I told her that had nothing to do with her!”
“I may be wrong, but I don’t think she’s buying it.” Toby opined.
“Shit, Toby.” Josh rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand. “I can’t do this right now. I’ve
got a thing.”
“She also seems to think C.J.’s promotion has you shaken.” Again, Toby watched Josh closely
and saw the moment the shutter went down over his friend’s eyes. Josh turned to face him.
“I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry Donna came to you about this. I’ll talk to her.” And without
another word, Josh left Toby standing in his office, the wheels rapidly turning in his head.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Chapter 4
“Come in, Josh.” Donna called when he knocked on the door.
“How’d you know it was me?” He asked.
“You and my mother are the only ones with keys. My mother just left to go the store.” Donna
shrugged.
“Ah.” Josh nodded. “How’d therapy go tonight?”
“Great.” Donna continued to channel surf.
“I stopped by because I had a visit from Toby today.” Josh announced but got no reaction from
Donna. “He was worried about you.”
“I’ve been worried about him for a long time.” Donna muttered.
Josh chose to ignore the comment. “He said you were concerned about whether or not my trip
to Germany had anything to do with C.J.’s promotion. I thought we settled that already.”
“No, you settled it.” Donna corrected.
“I had to settle it because I’m the one in a position to know whether it was true or not.”
Donna continued channel surfing and shrugged.
“Donna?”
“If that wasn’t the reason, then what was?” Donna asked.
“They thought C.J. would do better in that position-“
Donna’s sharp laugh made Josh cringe. “You’ve never even asked them have you?”
“Asked who what?”
“Leo and Bartlet; asked them why you were passed over.” Donna clarified. Josh, in his
frustration took the remote out of her hands.
“I don’t question PRESIDENT Bartlet’s staffing decisions.”
“Bull-shit.” Donna sing songed.
“Donna.”
“Why haven’t you asked them?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of COURSE it matters.” Donna contradicted him. “You’ve lost respect on the hill, you think
you did something wrong but have no idea what, and eventually you’re going to come to the
same conclusion I did and realize this is all about your decision to go to Germany.”
“It has nothing to- Leo told me to go if I wanted to go. He basically gave me permission to-“
Josh cut himself off.
“Permission to what?” Donna asked quietly.
“To…go to you.” Josh prevaricated and Donna knew it and shook her head sadly.
“If you don’t ask them for the truth, it’s going to tear you apart. It’s already starting to.”
“I’m fine with it.”
“Really? How many meetings have been cancelled on you this week, Joshua? How many
sympathetic calls have you fielded from Democrats and Republicans? How many private sector
job offers have you had since C.J. took your job?”
“It was Leo’s job, not mine.” Josh argued and stood up to pace.
“You were next in line. It should have been yours. Your work on the peace treaty was
exemplary; your dedication to the President is unimpeachable. Your track record in pushing
the President’s agenda has been legend. What other explanation could there be? You’re
being punished for choosing me over the President.” Donna’s voice broke.
“That’s not-“
“How do you think it makes me feel watching your professional fallout because of your
personal decision to fly to Germany for me?” Donna started crying again. It seemed like she
spent most of her time crying these days.
“I would make the same choice again today even if it meant being fired from the White House,
do you hear me?” Josh took her hands and pulled them away from her face so she could see
his face.
“I do. And that just makes me feel worse.” Donna explained, crying harder. Josh tucked her
head under his chin and held her.
“I can’t win with you, Donnatella. I’m trying to say something nice here.” Josh chuckled.
“You’ve lost the respect/fear thing you had on the hill because of me.”
“And you think the way I’m going to get it back is if my wheelchair bound assistant motors
around the White House and the Hill and demands it back?” Josh asked. “You can’t fight this
battle for me, Donna. Some of it’s just going to take time.”
“Why are you staying there? I know how many times Leo has kicked you in the teeth. When
are you going to say enough?” Donna demanded and pulled out of Josh’s arms.
“You don’t understand the dynamics with Leo and me.”
“Damn right I don’t. I was so proud of how he supported you that Christmas, but how has he
supported you since then? He left you out to dry on Carrick. He cut you out of the budget and
the shutdown negotiations. He uses you as his whipping boy whenever-“
“Stop.” Josh snapped. “Just stop okay?”
“You deserve better than this.” Donna maintained. “Why don’t you leave?”
“I’m not done there yet. There are still things I want to accomplish as DCOS and I don’t want to
go out like a kid taking my ball and going home in a fit of pique.” Josh explained.
“That’s your choice, I guess.”
“Thanks.” Josh drawled. “I appreciate that. Listen, you can’t go to Toby with this stuff.”
“He’s your friend, isn’t he? Come to think of it, where was his outrage when you were passed
over and his staggeringly under qualified PRESS SECRETARY vaulted over both of you to sit
in Leo’s office?”
“Donna, whatever anyone’s opinion is of C.J.’s credentials or qualifications she is now the
Chief of Staff. She deserves our respect.”
“Respect is earned.” Donna countered.
“C.J. always had your respect before.” Josh noted and Donna rolled her eyes. “There’s more
to this than the promotion? What happened between you?”
“Nothing.” Donna reached for the remote but Josh easily held it out of reach.
“Bull-shit.” Josh parroted her comment back to her. “What happened with you and C.J.?”
“It was a private discussion and I’m not going into it with you.” Donna crossed her arms in front
of her chest.
“A private discussion when? Before you went to Gaza?” Josh guessed. “Of course before you
went to Gaza, you wouldn’t have had a chance since you’ve been back…and you’ve been
avoiding her since you got back.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“Avoiding.” Josh refused to accept her premise. “There was no promotion then, so it couldn’t
have been about me.” Josh joked but noted that Donna turned away from him. “She said
something to you about me?”
“She said something to me about me. It was a private discussion.” Donna repeated. “I’m very
tired, now, I’d like to go to bed.”
Josh recognized the diversion tactic for what it was, but he couldn’t call her on it either.
“Here, I’ll help you.” He offered.
“I can do it myself now. You can let yourself out?”
“Sure.” Josh agreed and found himself feeling bereft for missing that nighttime ritual with her. “I’
ll see you tomorrow.”
“No, I won’t be in tomorrow, remember?” Donna reminded him. “I have my doctor appointment
and in PT I get to practice standing up without holding on to anything! Then I have to see the
shrink from DOD.” Josh flinched at the casual mention of the psychologist.
“Have you been having trouble?” Josh asked and then wanted to kick himself. Of course she
was having trouble. She’d been in a bombing that had seriously injured her and killed
everyone else in the car with her. “I mean, is it helping, the time with the psychologist?”
“I don’t really know.” Donna admitted. It certainly didn’t feel like it to her. But then she knew
from watching Josh go through this that is wasn’t an immediate fix, either. Josh nodded again.
“Call me if you need me tomorrow.” Josh offered. “Otherwise, I’ll see you on Friday.”
“Got it.” Donna acknowledged before wheeling herself out of the room. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” Josh called to her retreating back.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
“Jesus! You scared the hell out of me, Josh!” C.J. complained when she noticed Josh
stretched out on her couch. “What are you doing in here?”
“Waiting for you.” Josh stretched sitting up. “I have a question.”
“Lord, can’t we wait to tackle China until staff?”
“This isn’t about China.”
“Then what is it about?”
“The private discussion you had with Donna.” Josh said bluntly and C.J.’s jaw dropped open.
She’d been concerned about this ever since Josh blew off the White House and flew to
Germany. Obviously, some of her observations had been…off. She suspected her advice
during the lockdown was part of the reason for Donna’s recent frosty attitude and the other
part of Donna’s attitude was directly related to her recent promotion. It was all bad.
“What about it?”
“Donna is upset about it.”
“I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention.” C.J. sidestepped.
“What was your intention?” Josh asked not letting on that he hadn’t a clue about what they’d
discussed.
“To help her see that she had other options; both professional and personally.” C.J.
summarized it succinctly.
“What?!” Josh couldn’t believe his ears. C.J. immediately recognized her mistake; never give
your enemy more information to use against you than they already had. And what did it say
about the state of things, when she viewed Josh as the enemy? So far, he’d been respectful to
her in her new role and seemed to be doing his best to make her job easier. She suspected
that was about to end.
“It was just talk about her professional development.” C.J. covered.
“And you thought that was your purview as her boss?” Josh said sarcastically.
“We were discussing it as two professional women working in a male dominated White House.
And if her BOSS had taken the time to discuss options with her or explained what her real role
in Gaza was, there would have been no need for the conversation at all.”
Josh acknowledged the hit. He’d avoided any hint of talk involving Donna moving up the ladder
and away from him. “That can’t be all of it.” Josh guessed. “That might annoy Donna, but she’s
pissed at you and only part of that is because of your new title. You said something to her
about me. What was it?”
C.J. closed her eyes briefly. “She asked me what she should be doing to move her career
ahead.”
“I didn’t ask you what she asked you. I asked you what you said to her about me.” Josh
reiterated and stood directly in front of C.J. with only her desk between them.
“I said she should…go to symposiums, have one night stands with reporters from the Post
Intelligencer, and explore things that had nothing to do with you.” C.J. reported. She’d
replayed the conversation many times in her head so she knew it by heart now. Josh was
looking at the floor with his jaw tightly clenched.
“That was your ‘career’ advice?” He asked tightly.
“She was never going to make a move away from you without some prodding.” C.J.
rationalized. “You should have been the one doing that.”
“Maybe so, but that was between the two of us. You had a hell of a nerve pretending you knew
what was best for Donna…or me!” Josh snapped.
“She asked me-“
“Then encourage her to go back to school! Offer to give her some projects in YOUR
department; she’d be great in communications. What the hell do one night stands have to do
with her professional development?”
“Would you like me to shut the door?” Margaret offered from just outside the open door.
“Yes. Please.” C.J. clipped.
“Don’t bother. We’re done here.” Josh contradicted her, then leaned across the desk to get
into C.J.’s face; a tactic he usually reserved for Republicans he didn’t like or respect. “You had
no right to do that. You have no idea how far reaching your ‘advice’ was in this case. It seems
to me, that you’ve got your hands full trying to learn this job, so do us all a favor and stay the
hell out of our lives…for however long we end up staying here.” Josh turned on his heel and
pounded away from the office of the Chief of Staff.
Josh couldn’t remember the last time he was this pissed. He went straight to his office and
grabbed his keys. With a shout to Beth to call C.J. and tell her he wouldn’t be at staff he left
the White House and drove directly to the hospital.
His anger quickly dissipated when he saw his mentor lying unconscious and still in the hospital
bed. He meant it when he told Donna that she didn’t understand the dynamics between Leo
and him. Sometimes he didn’t understand them either. Leo had always put great faith in him,
but Leo also held him to a much higher standard than anyone else in the building. Leo was like
a second father to him, but as anyone who has worked in a family business will tell you, it isn’t
always easy living up to, and with, your father.
This was the crux of it and once again Donna was right. What were the odds? He’d have no
peace until he knew why two of the men he’d admired most in the world had looked at him and
found him wanting. At it looked like he’d get no answers here today. As much as he needed to
have the conversation, it would be incredibly selfish to wake a man in the cardiac care unit to
demand answers now. He briefly rubbed Leo’s shoulder in farewell and exited the room with his
head down; a position he’d gotten very familiar with lately.
With his head down, he nearly ran straight into Mallory.
“Damn, I’m sorry, Mal, I didn’t even see you there.” Josh apologized.
“I don’t think you were seeing anybody.” Mallory noted. “You and dad have a depressing
conversation or something?”
“No conversation at all; he’s out cold.”
“The meds really wipe him out. Everything really wipes him out.” Mallory sighed.
“But he’s going to make a full recovery. That’s what you have to concentrate on.”
“And I’m so relieved and grateful for that, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that for Dad, it’s always
been about politics. I don’t know what he’s going to do once he’s better and he realizes he
doesn’t have a day job at the White House to go to anymore.”
“I’m sure the President will find something for him to do once he’s up and about.”
“Sure, but it’s not the same as being Chief of Staff. Although it doesn’t look like he’d have kept
that position anyway.” Mallory pointed out. “Come get some coffee with me?”
“Uh, sure.” Josh replied confused by her response. They walked arm in arm to the cafeteria
and once they each had a cup of the least offensive cup of ‘coffee’ they could find, they sat
down in a quiet corner of the room.
“I was surprised to see you here. Shouldn’t you be at senior staff about now?”
“I was excused.” Josh answered cryptically.
“Uh-huh…to come see the former Chief of Staff?” Mallory asked. “Curiouser and curiouser.”
“What did you mean before when you said Leo wouldn’t have kept the position anyway?”
Mallory looked at Josh in puzzlement. “Dad didn’t talk to you about this?”
“About what; him quitting?” Josh asked and Mallory’s eyes got big.
“Josh…” Mallory hesitated. Her dad had assured her he would talk to Josh about this. Why did
these two men, who were so close that Mallory often felt jealous of them, have such trouble
talking to each other? “You need to talk to Dad.”
“That’s what I came over for but he’s conveniently unconscious. Talk to me.”
Mallory sighed. “The President fired Dad when they were at Camp David.”
Josh bobbled his coffee cup and coffee spilled everywhere.
“Josh!” Mallory grabbed it out of his hands and used napkins on the table to wipe his hands
off. “Are you burned? That was hot!”
Josh stopped her actions by grabbing her wrist and holding her still. “What the hell are you
talking about?”
“The President fired Dad and asked him for a list of possible successors before he left Camp
David.”
“Is that what-“ Josh caught himself and rephrased the question. “Could that have precipitated
the heart attack?”
“Heart attacks aren’t caused by a single incident.” Mallory answered carefully. “But the added
stress to an already sick heart…”
Josh sat back in his chair, unmindful of the coffee on his hands, his arms, and now his clothes.
“Holy shit.”
“He promised me he was going to talk to you about this.” Mallory repeated.
“We haven’t really had a chance to talk.” Josh excused him. “Between the chaos at the White
House and taking care of Donna…” Josh saw Mallory’s face soften at the mention of his
assistant.
“How is she doing?”
“Honestly? I’m not sure. She’s struggling a lot with the physical therapy but she’ll get through
that. Nobody is stronger than Donna Moss. It’s the emotional and psychological effects I’m
most concerned about.”
“She’ll get through that too.” Mallory predicted.
“How do you know?”
“Because nobody is stronger when you and Donna are together.”
“We’re not.” Josh disputed.
“Then you’re an idiot.” Mallory shook her head. “I was just here thinking how incredible it is to
me that for as close as you are to Dad, you rarely TALK to each other…about personal stuff. I
guess it shouldn’t surprise me that you don’t talk to Donna about personal stuff either. Don’t
let this chance pass you by after Dad worked so hard to make sure you had the shot.” She
advised.
“Excuse me?”
“You know, Dad keeps telling me about this brilliant political mind of yours, and once in awhile I
even see evidence of it myself, but then there are moment like this.” Mallory shook her head
again. “Why do you think he insisted the President promote CJ instead of you? The President
fought him pretty hard on it.”
“Stop playing with my head Mallory and just spit it out please.” Josh leaned forward and held
her eyes so she would realize not to mess with him right now.
“When you left the White House, in the middle of a crisis, to go to Donna, Dad said he realized
you’d found something more important than politics for the first time in your life. Frankly, he
was surprised you came back without her.”
“She kicked me out.” Josh admitted.
“I figured as much. Anyway, he knew the next Chief of Staff would be up to their eyeballs trying
to keep the Bartlet White House afloat and he was afraid that if the President promoted you it
would ruin any chance of happiness you had with Donna. You wouldn’t abandon the President
in his time of need and Donna was going to need you too.”
“Leo told you all this.” Josh stated dully.
“Most of it…some of it was implied.” Mallory admitted. “The bottom line was that sitting here in
the critical cardiac care unit, he realized he’d put all his time and energy into his job and now
he didn’t even HAVE his job. He even apologized to me for putting me and Mom second all
these years. He doesn’t want you to end up in the hospital all alone someday because you let
the best thing in your life get away.”
“Mallory…If you knew what’s been going through my head all this time…If he knew…”
“I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to talk to Dad yet, but if you think there was any other
reason to promote C.J. Cregg for God’s sake, other than to try to protect you and your well
being, as well as that of a certain senior assistant, you are flat out wrong.” Mallory insisted.
Well wasn’t that a kick in the pants?
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