Title: Paying it Forward
Author: Cathy Miller (www.cathyswestwing.com
<http://www.cathyswestwing.com> )
Timeline: Post Santos in the Our Choice Universe
Rating: PG for a bit of language
Summary: It's time for Josh to pay forward a favor from a friend
"Donna, have you seen Billy?" Liz asked when they met up in the
hall.
"Not since our meeting earlier." Donna replied barely looking up
from the file she was perusing. "No, wait! I did see him. He was
with Jenny. Did you check his office?"
"That's where I'm going now. He's not answering his
office phone or his cell." Liz told her and Donna ended up following
her to Billy's office. When they were within 20 feet of it the door
opened and a red-eyed Jenny exited. She almost walked past Liz and Donna
without noticing them.
"Jen?" Donna called quietly and Jenny startled. "Jenny, are
you okay?"
"Yeah….yeah, I'm fine." Jenny tried to smile but her
watery eyes and blotchy face didn't do much to reinforce the effect.
"Why don't we step into my office a minute?" Donna suggested
and nodded in the direction of Billy's office to direct Liz there.
"No, you're busy." Jenny shook her head in protest.
"Not too busy for you." Donna assured her. "Besides, I'm
dying to tell someone about how Josh got into it with the Dean of the
department the other night. Talk about foot in mouth disease." Donna
went on to tell about Josh's clash with the Dean while she escorted
Jenny to her office and shut the door. "I'd offer you a drink,
but it's only 10:30. What's wrong?"
"Donna, really, I appreciate the concern, but it's just a
personal thing with Billy." Jenny explained.
"Well that hardly seems fair. I tell you all my personal things with
Josh." Donna teased gently.
"But you don't have these kinds of fights with Josh. He's
completely supportive." Jenny retorted and Donna laughed lightly.
"Jenny, I love my husband like crazy, but if you think he's
completely supportive or that we don't have fights, you haven't
been paying attention."
"You fight about work, sure, but even that's mostly teasing.
This is different."
"I guess I can't tell you if it is or isn't since you
won't tell me what it's about." Donna shrugged and watched
helplessly when Jenny started crying again. "Jenny, talk to me."
"There's something wrong with Michael." Jenny managed and
Donna sat straight up in alarm.
"What is it?" Donna couldn't imagine anything worse than
something happening to one of her children. If something happened to
Billy and Jenny's youngest…
"The doctor thinks the reason for his speech delays is because he
has this nervous system disorder. He wants us to see a specialist and
get a DNA test for him."
"Okay. Do you need help finding a doctor? Is there a problem with
insurance? How serious is this?" Donna took things in her one step
at a time manner.
"We don't know. We don't even know for sure if he has
it." Jenny continued to cry. "But something is wrong, Donna. I
feel it. And Billy won't even discuss it with me. I've been
trying to explain what I'm seeing with Michael but he just gets
furious and storms out. He comes home later and later each night and
last night he didn't come home at all."
"So you decided to beard the lion in his den today?" Donna
guessed.
"For all the good it did me. He just exploded and then ignored
me….I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it into work."
Jenny sighed and sniffled. "I just didn't know what else to do.
He won't go to the appointment with me and he won't talk to me
about it."
"I'm so sorry, Jenny." Donna murmured and felt her heart
break remembering another time and another doctor's appointment.
"How can I help?"
"There's nothing you can do, Donna. There's nothing anyone
can do. I can't make Billy deal with this."
"Maybe what you need is someone else to talk to Billy." Donna
looked at her clock. "It will be close, but if you leave now, you
should be able to talk to Josh before his next class."
"Josh doesn't need to be dealing with this."
"Sometimes, it takes a friend to point out some hard truths."
Donna noted. "Josh has been on the receiving end of this situation,
so I'm sure he'd be willing to pay this favor forward."
*****************************************
"It's the beautiful and talented Jennifer Fernandez!" Josh
announced when he found Jenny outside his University office door.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"I know you have class in a little while, but I was wondering if you
had a few minutes to spare?" Jenny asked and Josh heard the waver in
her voice.
"Sure. Come in, sit down; would you like something to drink? Some
water or coffee?" Josh ushered her into a chair.
"Water would be great, thanks." Jenny smiled but her fingers
fumbled nervously with her purse while Josh retrieved a bottle of water
from his mini fridge.
"Jenny? What's wrong?" Josh asked quietly after a couple
minutes passed with no sounds besides Jenny gulping down the water.
"'Billy's going to be so pissed that I came to you with
this." Jenny muttered.
"With what? Is something wrong with Billy?" Josh moved closer to
Jenny when she burst into tears.
"Not Billy; Michael." Jenny corrected him. Michael was their
youngest child and only son. Billy had been over the moon when Michael
was born stating that he finally had another male in the house to help
him even the odds against Jenny and their two daughters.
"What's wrong with Michael?" Josh searched his recent
conversations with Fred about Michael but couldn't remember anything
troubling him.
"I took him for his 18 month well check and the doctor started
asking me some…he was asking about different milestones; when did
Michael start walking, talking, that kind of thing." Jenny waved her
hand around as she spoke and grew more agitated. "All the while he
was talking he kept rolling Michael over and looking at him so
closely."
"Jenny…" Josh could feel the dread spreading through his body.
"What is it?"
"The doctor counted these café au lait spots; those birthmarks
Michael has?" Jenny explained. "He said that the number of spots
along with some other things he noticed on Micheal's skin and in his
eyes may indicate he has NF; neurofibromatosis."
Josh shook his head in confusion. "I'm sorry, I don't know
what that is."
"I didn't either until the doctor explained it to me. Then when
I got home, I looked it up. It's a nervous system disorder. A
genetic disorder that can cause tumors to grow around nerves." Jenny
pulled out several sheets of paper from her purse and handed them to
Josh. He scanned the sheets looking for critical pieces of information
but there was a lot of detailed medical jargon and what he did glean
from them indicated that the course for someone with NF varied widely
from person to person.
"Is he…is Michael in any immediate danger? Is he okay?" Josh
asked.
"He seems to be fine. But the doctor thinks we should see a
specialist and have him evaluated. He said there are genetic tests they
can do to confirm the diagnosis and they could draw up a treatment
plan."
"Good." Josh was relieved that Michael was okay.
"No, Josh. Billy won't do it. He says Michael is fine and
he's not putting his son through all these tests because some doctor
wants to run up the insurance bill." Jenny explained.
"What do you think?" Josh inquired.
"I don't know what to think. He still isn't talking like he
should, but he was walking at 9 months and he seems perfectly
healthy." Jenny cried. "But if there's something wrong that
we can't see or detect yet and we do nothing until it's too
late…"
Josh nodded his understanding. "Jenny, I just don't know enough
about this condition to offer you any decent advice. But in my
experience, if the doctor is concerned enough about the possibility of
Michael having NF, you ought to check it out."
"I know." Jenny sniffed. "Will you tell Billy that?"
"Oh, Jenny, that's not my place." Josh shook his head and
backed away. "This is something the two of you need to work out
together."
"But he trusts you and looks up to you. If you said it was worth
pursuing.."
"Jenny, please; don't ask me to interfere like that." Josh
begged. "He'll hate us both for it."
"Like you hated Toby?" Jenny asked sharply.
Josh sat back like he'd been slapped. "Toby? How do you know
about-"
"Donna told me. She told me all about your fight with Toby when he
talked to you about Tori. She said she was sure you'd do the same
thing for Billy." Jenny said determinedly.
Josh shut his eyes and tried to block out the kick-to-the-gut feelings
the mention of that incident brought immediately to mind. He could hear
the fight with Toby in his head. Then he felt Jenny's hand on his.
"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to bring back a painful
memory." Jenny said quietly. "I just really need your help."
Josh opened his eyes and looked into Jenny's desperate ones.
"I'll try." He promised and saw Jenny's mouth tremble
with gratitude.
"Thank you, Joshua. Thank you so much." She left the papers with
him, kissed his cheek and left him alone with his troubled thoughts.
********************************
He called Donna right after class and told her he'd be late getting
home.
"Why?" She asked innocently, but Josh wasn't fooled.
"You know why." He answered and there was a silent pause.
"Yeah, I guess I do." She admitted.
"You could have warned me; given me a heads up." Josh accused.
"I wasn't entirely sure she would go through with it. She was
awfully hesitant about going to you for help." Donna told him.
"You would know something about how hard that is." Josh stated.
"Yeah…" she answered quietly. "I'm glad she went
through with it though. It was the right thing to do. And you're
doing the right thing too, Josh."
"We'll see. I don't have Toby's gift for words."
Josh noted.
"You'll have the right ones for Fred. Call me after?"
"Will do." Josh agreed. "I love you, Donnatella."
"I love you too, Joshua."
He decided to call the offices of Lyman Campaign Consulting to make sure
Fred was actually there before he drove all the way out there.
"Liz, I need to speak to Fred. Is he free?" Josh requested and
there was a long pause. "Liz?"
"Ummm, he's here, Josh. You just might want to wait until
tomorrow to talk to him." Liz answered. "He's a
little…off today."
"Off or pissed?" Josh pressed.
"Josh…He's having a really tough week." Liz excused her
current boss to her old boss.
"I've heard. If I'm out there by 8 will he still be in the
office?"
"If the rest of this week was any indication he'll still be in
the office if you get here at midnight." Liz said quietly. "I
think he slept here last night."
"Shit." Josh replied. "Will you tell him I'm on my way,
just in case he decides to leave earlier tonight?"
"Sure. And Josh?" Liz interrupted before he could hang up.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for coming. He could use you right now."
"You'd better save your gratitude until we know if he feels the
same way." Josh told her before ending the call. It was a long
drive to the campaign offices from his college campus and he found
himself transported back in time while he made the drive.
*flashback*
"I'm home." Josh announced happily and the smile fell off
his face when he noticed the expression on his wife's face.
"What's wrong?"
"Tori had a pretty bad day." Donna told him wearily. "She
got sent home from preschool. We've been asked to withdraw her."
"Excuse me?" Josh asked.
"It's the 3rd time she's been sent home and according to
their rules either we withdraw her voluntarily or they dis-enroll her
without our permission. Either way, she won't be going back
tomorrow." Donna took another swallow from the glass of wine sitting
in front of her. It was then that Josh realized the bottle on the table
was half empty.
"Donna?" Josh only said her name, but Donna closed her eyes from
it like it caused her pain.
"I thought you should know why I won't be at work tomorrow
morning." She smiled humorlessly. "Being that you're my boss
and all."
"Donna, they obviously don't know how to handle a child like
Tori. She's so far ahead of her peers she's probably bored and
that's why-"
"Stop it." Donna snapped. "Just stop it. I can't take
any more, Joshua. I have been telling you for months-"
"Don't start this again." Josh put his hands up as if to
ward off her words. "Tori is perfectly fine. She's just so
bright in some areas that she doesn't know what to do in the areas
that she struggles in."
"I'm not fighting with you over this anymore." Donna
announced. "I'm taking Tori to a pediatric specialist on Friday.
It usually takes weeks to get in but I was able to pull some strings and
get her in on short notice. I'd like you to come with us."
"I've got Harris on Friday. It's going to be an all day
thing." Josh helped himself to a beer.
"Give it to someone else." Donna requested keeping her tone
even.
"I can't." Josh replied simply.
"You won't." She corrected and laughed. "After all,
Harris is an important client and Donna is imagining things with Tori,
so-"
"I never said you were imagining-"
"You might as well have." She snapped again. "Never mind.
I'll take her myself." Donna got up from the table, drained the
last of the wine from her glass, and went upstairs by herself.
Josh felt the anger and frustration mount within him and took another
swig of beer. He drained the can in a matter of minutes and tossed it
into the recycling bin. That's when he noticed 2 other empty wine
bottles beneath the sink. Donna had a glass on occasion, but it was rare
for her to drain a bottle in a week let alone 2, almost three when you
counted the one still on the table.
He walked solemnly up the stairs to say goodnight to the kids. They were
all gathered in Ben's room. At least the three oldest were. Jacob,
just a year old, was most likely already asleep in his crib.
"Daddy!" Allison Joan, his six year old daughter, jumped from
her spot on the floor to leap into his arms and Ben, all of eight, rose
from his spot to give Josh a hug too. Tori didn't move or look up
from her spot on the floor where she was attaching more train track to
Ben's growing train system. She was obviously concentrating on
putting the track together, that was all. But when he'd given and
received hugs from Ben and Ally, he called to his youngest daughter.
"Hey, Tori, you're working on Ben's train?" He asked her
but got no reply. "Tori?"
"There's three more pieces and they don't fit." She
reported.
"That's okay. You don't have to use all the pieces."
Josh suggested.
"Uh-huh, or the train won't work." Tori argued.
"Well let's see…maybe if we move this one over here…"
Josh lifted one of the pieces and Tori screeched.
"Dad, put it back. She doesn't like it when you move them."
Ally took the piece out of Josh's hand and put it back where Tori
had placed it. "I've got the blue train and all the animals ride
in the cars in the back."
"I see that. Ben, what's in your train?" Josh asked.
"Candy; like in the Little Engine that Could." He answered.
"A kid after my own heart. Hey, Tori doesn't have any animals.
Ally can you share some with Tori?" Ally rolled her eyes in a
fashion that would make her mother proud, but shoved roughly half of the
animals close to her little sister.
"She never plays with them." Was Ally's only comment.
Tori wordlessly picked them up one by one and lined them up along the
train track.
Josh picked up the baby calf from the group and made silly
`mooing' sounds that amused Ben and Ally but only caused Tori to
frown.
"Excuse me." Josh said in a silly voice, pretending to be the
cow. "I'm looking for some hay to eat for breakfast. Do you know
where some is?"
"Stop it." Tori hissed.
"But I'm hungry and I need some hay." Josh continued.
"You're not real. You're just pretend." Tori said in a
louder voice.
"You can have some hay on my train, baby cow." Ally told him.
"Thank you very much. I'm so hungry for hay." Josh replied
in character and placed the calf on Ally's blue train. This was too
much for Tori who swept the train and all the animals with it clear off
the tracks.
"It's a stupid plastic cow and it can't eat hay." She
yelled.
"Whoa…it's okay, Victoria Helen, we're just
pretending." Josh tried to pull her into his arms but she shook him
off. When Ben pushed the buttons to make the train noises Tori covered
her ears and ran from the room.
"You know she hates that." Ally chastised her brother.
Josh found her under the bed and he couldn't go to Donna for help
either. It took nearly an hour to coax her out again. The whole episode
made Josh very tired.
*present*
"Josh Lyman." Josh answered his cell phone.
"I'm s'posed to remind you to get milk on the way home."
Tori announced at the other end of the line.
"Okay, I got it." Josh confirmed. "How was your day Victoria
Helen?"
"Fine. How was your day?" Josh chuckled at the robotic response.
She knew she was supposed to ask this when someone asked her about her
day, but she really couldn't care less about anyone's response.
"Fine. I miss you though."
"Then you should come home." Tori reasoned.
"I should, but I have to stop and see Fred first. Then I'll come
home." Josh countered.
"After you get the milk." Tori reminded him.
"Yes, after I get the milk." Josh agreed. "I love you,
Tori."
"Love you too, Daddy. Bye." Tori hung up unceremoniously and
Josh wondered, not for the first time, whether those words meant
something to her or they were just rote like asking about someone
else's day. He couldn't dwell on it long because it had the
power to reduce him to tears. He also remembered the first time Donna
wondered something similar out loud.
*flashback*
"I wonder if she knows what that means." Donna stated and Josh
turned to her in surprise.
"Of course she knows what it means. Her language skills are off the
charts." Josh reminded her.
"Yes, your child is brilliant." Donna drawled. "But lots of
times I get the feeling that she's just repeating what she's
heard or what she thinks she's supposed to say."
"You're paranoid." Josh responded and pulled Donna down
beside him on the bed. "I wish you'd never spoken to that
teacher. She's got you jumping at shadows."
Donna had been approached by a teacher at Tori's school a couple
weeks ago about some behaviors she'd noticed about their daughter
and it had troubled Donna a lot. Josh didn't see any reason to be
concerned. Yeah, Tori had some quirks, but she was very bright, very
verbal, and seemed to be just fine to him.
"She gave me a checklist today." Donna hesitantly brought up.
"A checklist for what?" Josh ran his hand up and down
Donna's back.
"A list of characteristics and behaviors that might
indicate…autism." Donna choked out. Josh's hand suddenly
stilled.
"You can't be serious." He said in a clipped voice.
"You should look at it Josh, some of the things-"
"Our daughter is not autistic." Josh got up from the bed and
began to pace in agitation.
"Mrs. Swedlin said there's a wide spectrum that
encompasses-"
"I'm not listening to this garbage and you should stop quoting
that woman." Josh insisted.
"Tori may need help, Josh, and-"
"She doesn't need help. She's off the charts at pre-school.
Letters, numbers, shapes, colors, reading words and doing simple math
for god's sake!" Josh erupted.
"All of which are consistent with some of the kids on the autism
spectrum." Donna shouted back. She paused and took a deep breath,
rose and got the list out of her drawer in the nightstand. "Will you
look at the list?" She held it out.
"There's nothing wrong with Tori." Josh said and walked
right past Donna and the hated list without looking at either.