| “Give me the remote.” “Donna…” “Don’t whine, Josh, it’s unattractive.” “But I’m watching it.” “You’re fast forwarding through it.” Donna corrected. “And we had an agreement about how many hours of CSPAN you could TIVO. You have broken your agreement and must therefore relinquish the remote control so I can delete some of it.” “I’m only fast forwarding through the Republican speeches. It’s really the best way to watch them. What is it that you want to TIVO so badly anyway? This is Government work I’m doing here Donna. What could be more important than that?” “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.” Donna replied as she began deleting hours and hours of CSPAN while Josh continued to whine. “An entertainment show?” Josh asked disbelieving. “An entertainment show whose premise is the making of an entertainment show?” “It’s funny and Matthew Perry is hot.” Donna reset the TIVO programming to stop at five hours of CSPAN recording. “Five hours! We agreed to 10 hours, Donnatella.” “Yes, but that was before you broke the rules. Now you have to consequences.” “Why? You just erased hours and hours of my programs. Isn’t that consequence enough?” “No, because I got consequences too. None of my shows got recorded because the memory was all full of CSPAN.” “Why are you getting all tough about rules all of a sudden?” Josh asked pouting. “I’m practicing.” “For what, judging on American Idol?” “No, for when we have kids. I’ve bean reading that it’s very important to set limits and apply logical consequences when they go beyond those limits.” “So you’re practicing parenting techniques on me?” “You make a good test subject. I figure I’ll have this all down flat by September.” “September? That’s your goal?” “It seems like a logical goal since that’s when our first child is due.” Donna didn’t look up; waiting for a hint of his reaction to this news. Josh took her shoulders and turned her to face him. He moved his hand down lightly and reverently over her still flat stomach. “We’re having a baby…We’d better call our parents. They’re going to be over the moon.” Josh kissed her gently as he continued to stroke her stomach under her shirt. ************************************************ “Joshua, what have you done now? None of my programs are recorded…again.” Donna complained. “It’s not CSPAN, relax. I re-programmed TIVO for educational programming for us.” “And just how did you manage that when I have had possession of the TIVO remote this whole time?” “Mark Graham showed me how you can change the programming from your desktop even without the remote…TIVO is so cool.” “You had the Secretary of Defense give you a TIVO tutorial?” “He’s really good and we had a few minutes free while we were in the sit room waiting for the President.” “I honestly don’t know which part of that whole situation scares me most. What did you and Mark decide was appropriate educational programming.” “Well, he said ‘The Baby Story’ on Lifetime was essential viewing for parents-to-be even though it has a decidedly girly name. Then there were some programs on PBS about baby care and…look, there’s even a Studio 60 on here; when Jordan and Danny learn how to care for an infant.” “20 hours of ‘The Baby Story’ Josh?” “Mark said it has important information and gives you a realistic view of pregnancy and childbirth.” Josh defended. “Really? Then by all means let’s watch it. Let’s watch all 20 hours so we can delete them as we go and have room for 20 more hours of this realistic show.” Donna agreed as she began the first program. Josh sat through the beginning just fine and teased Donna about the size she was going to grow to and the baby showers she would have to endure. Then came the labor and delivery portion of the program. “What the HELL is THAT?” Josh asked horrified. “That’s what they refer to as natural childbirth, although in this case they are taking it a step beyond by giving birth in the tub.” Donna informed him. “That’s…that’s…”Josh broke off as the woman began to scream. “That’s so wrong. The baby is going to drown first of all, and if it’s lucky enough to be revived through CPR or something, it will be deaf from all the screaming.” Josh started to turn green as the baby emerged and he had to put his head between his knees. “You don’t want to miss this part, Josh. They’re going to clean the baby off and cut the cord. I think the screaming should be done now.” Donna explained. “No, no.” Josh said from his position between his knees. “You don’t want to see this part? I can fast forward through it. We’ll just start the next episode. Oh, look, this woman is having twins!” Donna observed her husband roll onto the floor. “Each show is a half hour long, so we’ve only got 39 more of these to go.” Donna rubbed it in mercilessly. “I’m gonna kill Mark. I have Secret Service agents who can do it too!” Josh moaned when he looked up to see Donna had fast forwarded it to the Cesarean delivery of twins. “He did this on purpose. ‘Oh, sure, I can help you Josh. I know just what you should watch to get you ready for the baby.’ Bastard!” “He’s probably getting even at you for when you refused to back him on the readiness issue.” Donna cooed sympathetically. “It’s not funny Donna. That…that…show is horrible! It’s meant to scare people to death. In fact, we should require it’s viewing in High School Sex Ed programs. No kid would have sex after they watched a few episodes of that.” “I think the broader point here, Joshua, is that you were not supposed to mess with the TIVO remote.” “I didn’t!” Josh insisted. “Or the TIVO programming.” “Okay, I did do that a bit.” “A bit? 20 hours of ‘The Baby Story’?” “Alright, I promise, I will not touch any form of the TIVO programming again.” Josh crossed his heart. “You have the control.” He kissed her to seal the deal and it quickly grew into something more. “Oh, Donna?” he asked as he continued his journey across her body. “Mmmmhmmm?” She answered absently. “Can you re-program TIVO for C-SPAN again?” “I think that can be arranged.” Donna replied. “I can program 5 hours of C-SPAN.” “Ten.” Josh countered. “4.” Donna replied. “You’re going the wrong way!” Josh told her. “8.” “5.” “That was your initial offer. You can’t repeat your initial offer.” Josh protested. “Fine then, 3.” “Donna…6?” “Okay…6.” She conceded and kissed his forehead before setting the new program on Tivo. “I should never have taught you to negotiate.” Josh grumbled. “No kidding.” Donna smiled. “Maybe now you’ll remember to keep your hands off the remote control.” “But I can keep my hands on other things right?” Josh leered. “I think that’s how we got to ‘The Baby Story’ isn’t it?” Donna reminded him. “I’m going to sit here and think about ways to get back at Mark Graham; you just re-program the remote control.” Josh instructed. The End. |