Chapter 17
“I’m not ducking this Josh.” Matt Santos said over the speakerphone to his campaign
manager.
“I’m not asking you to, sir.” Josh replied evenly. There was already too much emotion
in this scenario. “But neither can we wade into an ongoing investigation and
pronounce any kind of judgment. We need to proceed very carefully in these waters.”
“You’re just afraid of losing the 4 point bump we got from the debate.” Santos
accused him.
“That’s not inconsequential.” Josh agreed. “But on top of that, there is a bigger
picture here. A young kid is dead. We need to give everyone a chance to evaluate
the evidence and come to a reasonable conclusion before anyone else starts
weighing in.”
There is a long pause while Matt Santos rubs his face with his hands. Donna
watched him carefully and understood the push and pull he was feeling under the
circumstances, but she really hoped he would listen to Josh on this.
“Fine.” Matt agreed. “I’ll avoid Ronnie Burkes house, but I’m not canceling the rally
on Saturday or the church speech on Sunday.”
“David’s been working around the clock on the speech for the church, but I’m not
sure he’s got it yet and the rally is 3 days away.” Josh told them. “We might want to
think about bringing in some help.”
“I think I’d like to take a crack at it myself.” Santos noted and had Donna and Lou
exchanging concerned looks.
“Ah-kay.” Josh reluctantly agreed. “But I’m going to make a couple calls and see
what I can do at this end. Mrs. Santos and the kids will be meeting you on Friday
night for the dinner and then the rest of the weekend events.”
“Yes, I got the schedule changes. That’s it for me.” Matt told them and got up to walk
to the back of the campaign bus where he could have a bit of peace and quiet.
“Josh? We may need to rethink the event on Saturday.” Donna announced. “The
atmosphere in here has gotten to toxic levels of stress. This whole Burke/Martinez
situation is really affecting him.”
“That’s nothing to the stress he’s going to be dealing with when he wins this, Donna.
He needs to figure out a way to deal with it all.” Josh countered. “Lou, I’m sending
Lester out there with Mrs. Santos and the kids. See what his read is on the situation.”
“And Lester’s read is more accurate than mine or Donna’s because…?” Lou
questioned.
“Because he’s African American, while you and Donna are most decidedly not.” Josh
explained simply.
“Well that’s blatantly racist.” Lou tried to pick a fight.
“I think there are enough charges of racism this week without adding your voice,
Lou.” Josh responded. “Donna, what are you getting on the ground there in terms of
this story?”
“My phone sheet is a mile long. Everyone wants a statement of support from the
Congressman. The trouble is; any move he makes is going to alienate him from two
thirds of the audience he’s trying to play to. It’s a field of land mines.”
“Right. Well depending on how things progress over the next few days, I may be
coming out with Lester. I’ve got to go now. Check in with me later.” Josh instructed.
“We should get the hell out of dodge and cancel the weekend events.” Lou
pronounced after Josh had hung up.
“He’ll be accused of ducking the issue entirely and piss off three thirds of his
audience.” Donna replied.
“Not if he’s called away on something urgent. We can issue a statement that he’s
had to change his schedule do to a…I don’t know, a family emergency of some kind.
Then we note that the Congressman has every confidence that justice will prevail
after a thorough investigation is completed.”
“Take it to Josh, Lou.”
“I thought you could take it to Josh.” Lou suggested.
“Josh respects your political opinion a lot more than mine, Lou.” Donna drawled.
“Maybe, but he’s given you a lot of responsibility on this campaign and I can’t help
thinking that he might look more favorably upon this option if you’re the one to
present it to him…under the right circumstances.” Lou said matter-of-factly.
Donna took a couple breaths before she responded. She tried to remember that
although Lou’s political experience rivaled Josh’s, Lou was also his equal in personal
communication skills. “I’d like you to think about what you just said and then re-
phrase your request in a way that doesn’t make me feel like I need to shower.”
Donna could literally see the wheels turn in Lou’s head as she replayed the
conversation and saw the moment when Lou saw how she had insulted Donna.
“I didn’t mean that you should use your personal relationship inappropriately to
further my agenda.” Lou began but stopped going down that track when she saw the
look of disbelief on Donna’s face. “Okay, maybe I did a little bit, but it’s not like I’m
asking you to pretend to like a guy that you don’t like to further my agenda.”
“That really didn’t sound much better, Lou, I have to tell you.”
“You could just present it as one of the options next time you talk to him.” Lou tried
again. “Do you really see another way out of this situation without pissing off a lot of
people?”
“No, not yet, but we’ve got a little more time before we get out there. Let’s see what
we can come up with by then.” Donna ended the conversation by leaving.
************************************
Donna returned to the hotel with the Santos family after their dinner event Friday
night and tried not to rush to the hotel room where the rest of their team was
meeting to make decisions about the weekend events. Things had continued to
deteriorate in the controversial Burke/Martinez situation, and Josh had flown out
himself to get a read on the local landscape.
Donna knocked twice on the hotel room door before Edie let her into the room. Josh
looked up as she entered and she saw a small smile reach his eyes before he
brought his focus back to what Lester was saying.
“I think things are too hot for him to keep the rest of the weekend events.” Lester
said.
“How do we get him out of here without looking like we’re running away from this?”
Edie asked.
“Wait a second.” Josh interrupted. “Just wait. We’re not there yet. How did it go
tonight?” He asked Donna. Lou sent her a warning look that Donna didn’t appreciate.
“He did great. They all did.” Donna said simply. “They handed out the awards,
enjoyed the performances and looked great doing it.”
“But…” Lou interjected.
“But, the Congressman got hammered by the press covering the event. All they
asked about was Ronnie Burke.” Donna admitted. “Since this was a highly
structured, intensely scripted event, we were able to hold the vultures off until the
Santos family left the building, but they won’t have that luxury at the rally tomorrow.”
“We have to cancel.” Lou added when it became clear that Donna wouldn’t.
“I hate to agree with Lou, but it’s going to get ugly if they stay. He’s still going to have
to make a statement about the situation, but it may help to diffuse the impact if he
makes it from somewhere other than Ronnie Burkes neighborhood.” Lester threw in.
“Where is the Congressman on this after getting a lay of the land tonight?” Josh
again directed his question to Donna.
“If you’re asking me whether or not you could get him to agree to run away-“ Donna
interpreted his question.
“It is NOT running away. It is a strategic retreat.” Lou insisted.
“Whatever.” Donna shook her head. “He isn’t sure how he wants to respond to all
this, but there is no way he’ll cancel these events…in my opinion.”
Josh nodded his head. “I’m going up to speak to the Congressman. Thanks for all
the hard work this week, people.” Josh closed his notebook and walked to the door.
“Walk with me.” he told Donna as he passed her. She immediately got up and
followed him out into the hall. They walked in silence to the elevator.
“You look tired.” Donna finally broke the silence and Josh picked up her hand and
brought it to his lips.
“I’m getting too old for this.” He quipped.
“Gut feeling, Josh. Are we going to do more harm than good if we stay?”
“It’s hard to get a read on the political repercussions when I don’t know which side
the Congressman is planning to come down on.” He looked closely at his fiancé’s
face. “What’s going on between you and Lou?”
“A difference of opinion. That’s all.” Donna looked away.
“Donna…”
“Don’t. You have enough on your plate.” Donna insisted. “People disagree on
campaigns all the time.”
“This doesn’t seem professional, it seems personal.”
“Since when did you become observant about personal relations?” Donna tried to
joke her way out of it.
“I haven’t. But I can read you, and you were/are personally pissed about something
with Lou.”
“Why don’t we do this?” Donna suggested. “You manage the, you know, actual
Presidential campaign, and I can take care of any personal problems that surface.”
“So you’re admitting there’s a personal problem?” Josh inquired as they reached the
Congressman’s hotel room door.
“I’m admitting that I can handle any personal problems on my own. Go talk to the
Congressman.” Josh hesitated a moment since the Secret Service was stationed
outside the door, but desire won out and he stole a quick and passionate kiss before
he entered the Congressman’s suite. “I’ll be waiting up for you.” She promised.
********************************************
The rally occupied 4 city blocks and although the place was swarming with security,
Josh couldn’t erase the anxious feeling in his gut. He decided to accompany the
Santos family to the rally himself, sending Donna and Lester to the church they were
scheduled to appear at the next day to finalize the schedule there.
“Why are those people yelling at us?” Miranda asked Josh while they walked behind
her parents and brother.
“They want your Dad to say that a police officer did something wrong.” Josh tried to
explain.
“Did he?” Josh laughed at the simplicity of the question and the complexity of the
answer.
“We don’t know yet. You Dad wants to wait until we know for sure before he says
anything about the police officer.”
Miranda looked again at the group of African American’s holding signs and shouting.
“Are we going to know soon?”
“I certainly hope so kiddo.” Josh said fervently. He didn’t expect Miranda, at age 8, to
differentiate between the groups of shouting protestors, but he could clearly see the
Latino groups edging closer to the African American groups both wanting Santos to
denounce the others.
Miranda pulled on Josh’s hand and he stopped walking for a second to bend closer
so he could hear what she was saying over the shouts and cheering.
“What Miranda?”
“I don’t want to go there.” Miranda repeated in his ear. “It’s too loud and they look
really mad.” She pointed to a group across the street. Josh caught just a glimpse
before all hell broke loose. There were several popping sounds and Josh found
himself on the ground covering Miranda while Secret Service covered both of them.
His heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest and Miranda was
screaming.
“Move, move!” the agent closest to him screamed while he and two other agents
tried to pick up Josh and Miranda. Josh ended up with Miranda in his arms running in
the direction the agent pointed in. Moments later, they were pushed into a van that
went careening around the corner and sped away from the rally. Miranda was
sobbing and calling for her Mom.
“Where’s Mrs. Santos?” Josh demanded while he held Miranda tightly to his chest
and rubbed her back in a futile attempt to calm her.
“They’re in the van in front of us.” He answered.
“Why isn’t SHE in the van in front of us?” Josh indicated Miranda.
“We fell too far behind them. We got everyone out as quickly as possible.”
“Can we call Mrs. Santos? Let Miranda talk to her?”
“Not until we have everyone secure back at the hotel.” The agent responded.
”But everyone in the van in front of us is fine…right?” Josh asked urgently.
“I believe so.”
“Let’s confirm that little bit of information shall we?” Josh suggested forcefully. The
agent got on his wrist unit and exchanged information with his counterparts in the
other van.
“Miranda…Miranda, listen to me. The agents are talking to your Mom and Dad right
now. We’ll be with them in just a couple minutes. Everything’s okay.”
“No. it’s. not.” She wheezed out between sobs. Josh found it hard to argue with her.
Then his cell phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket. The agent next to him
prevented Josh from answering it.
“No unsecured communications until we’re back at the hotel.” He ordered. Josh was
double frustrated when he saw it was Donna calling. He was about to argue with the
agent when the agent simply removed the phone from Josh’s hand. Since Josh
figured there was no way he could forcibly retrieve his phone from a trained Secret
Service agent he decided to expend his energy trying to calm Miranda down. She
was still calling for her Mom and it was breaking Josh’s heart.
He knew first hand what it was like to be panic stricken at that young age, to be
scared for the safety of your family while being physically cut off from them. He
pushed his own emotional trip down memory lane aside and started talking quietly to
Miranda.
“Miranda, everybody’s fine, I promise.” Josh’s eyes met the agent’s and he nodded a
confirmation that what Josh was telling her was the truth. “We’ll be back at the hotel
in just few more minutes and your Mom and Dad and Peter, will all be waiting for us.”
“I want Mommy now!” Miranda insisted.
“I know how you feel kiddo.” Josh heard his distinctive ring tone coming from the
agent’s pocket and blew out a frustrated breath. Donna was going to be freaking out
pretty good by now. “Hey Miranda. What’s that game you’re always playing with
Donna?”
Miranda sniffed as she processed Josh’s question. “You mean 20 questions?”
“Yeah, that’s it. You think you can stump me on 20 questions?” Josh challenged her.
“I don’t want to play 20 questions.” Miranda cried.
“I bet I can beat you at 20 questions before we get back to the hotel.”
“You suck at 20 questions, Josh.” Miranda pointed out. The child had a point. Josh
hated the game, and whenever Donna suckered him into playing with them, he’d
purposely ask idiotic questions until they ejected him from the game.
“Does that mean you’re too chicken to bet?” Josh threw down the gauntlet. Miranda
shook her head. “Okay, then, is it person, place, or thing?”
Miranda took another breath and wiped her eyes with the heels of her hand. “Place.”
She answered quietly. Josh smiled for the first time and hoped he could keep her
distracted until she could reunite with her family.
“It is in the United States?” Josh asked and Miranda nodded, ticking up a finger to
keep count of his questions. “Is it Disneyworld?” he asked next and Miranda rolled
her eyes.
“You can’t guess the place on the second question. You have to ask more questions
first.”
“I can guess on the second question if I want to; I know the rules.” Josh responded.
“Fine, but you just wasted your question.” She answered him and it reminded him so
much of Donna, he pulled her close and kissed her forehead. When she looked at
him puzzled, he just smiled and asked another question.
“Is it the White House?” was his next guess.
“You really suck at this you know.” Miranda shook her head and ticked up a third
finger.
They were on question number 18 when they pulled into the underground parking
lot beneath the hotel they were staying in. As soon as the door swung open Helen
Santos descended on them and plucked Miranda right off Josh’s lap. Matt was right
behind her holding Peter’s hand. The young boy looked pretty shook as well.
“Baby, are you okay?” Helen did a visual inspection of her daughter as she ran her
hands over her child checking for injuries.
“I’m okay Mommy.” Miranda assured her. “Why did you leave without me?”
Helen burst into tears. “We though you were with us until the van door closed
sweetie. I never wanted to leave without you, I swear. They told us you were safe
with Josh right behind us.”
“Ma’am, we really need to get everyone back upstairs.” The agent began physically
moving the Santos family toward the secured elevators. Josh following along. “Mr.
Lyman, we’re going to have to cancel the rest of today’s schedule until we get some
answers about the incident today.”
Josh nodded his understanding, but said nothing at all while they were hustled
upstairs. When they got to their floor, the Santos family was whisked into their suite.
Josh proceeded to his room and actually got this key card to work on the first try.
Once inside, he stood with his back against the wall until he felt his knees start to
buckle. Then he simply slid to the floor and put his head in his hands.
That’s exactly how Donna found him when she entered their room 10 minutes later.
Once she arrived at their floor, one of the agents on duty had confirmed that
everyone was safe and unharmed, but Donna knew that not all injuries could be
visually detected.
She knew he had heard her enter, but he didn’t look up at her.
“The Secret Service confiscated my phone until we got back here.” He told her, still
not looking at her. “I’m sorry I couldn’t answer when you called.”
Donna sat next to him on the floor against the wall. “So…how was your day?” she
asked facetiously and got a chuckle out of her fiancé.
“Miranda and I fell behind the rest of your family a bit. She was asking me questions
and we…we just fell behind. By the time we got up and moving again, Matt, Helen,
and Peter were already in the first van leaving the site. We got thrown into the
second one and Miranda just sobbed for her Mom.”
“Oh, Josh.” Donna sighed and her head went back until it made contact with the wall.
“I don’t know who was more freaked out at the at point, me or Miranda.” He admitted
and finally looked Donna in the face. “I can’t begin to tell you...” he broke off as the
emotions choked off his words.
Donna took his face in her hands and kissed him like a mother kisses a child when
they’re hurt. Then she took his hand and led him to the bed. She sat him on the
edge of the mattress and removed his shoes and jacket. She joined him on the bed
pulled him down to lie next to her and placed his head on her stomach. She slowly
stroked his hair while she spoke to him.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” She told him. “It hurts me to think you were going through
all that alone.”
“I wasn’t alone…I had Miranda.” Josh noted and Donna smiled.
“Still; I wish I had been with you.” Donna maintained. “They’ve cancelled the rest of
the day.”
“Yeah.” Josh confirmed. “We’ll be staying put for a little while.”
“Good. You’re going to rest awhile and then you’re going to call Stanley Keyworth.”
Donna informed him.
“I don’t need to call Stanley, Donna. I wasn’t hurt. No one I was with was hurt.” Josh
explained. “I just need a little time to convince my nervous system of that.”
“And you’ll have it…and then you’ll call Stanley.” Donna repeated. “That’s not open
for debate.”
Josh didn’t respond he just blew out a breath. He wasn’t up to fighting about it at this
point. “Miranda was crying for her Mom and all I could think about was getting to
you.”
“Me too.” Donna admitted. “But I don’t think that’s all you were thinking about.”
“It was mostly what I was thinking about.” Josh corrected.
“Rosslyn didn’t figure into your thought process?” Donna pushed.
“Honestly? No.” Josh told her and Donna stopped stroking his hair.
“What then?”
“I was thinking how I was Miranda’s age when Joanie died. I was thinking that I knew
how it felt to be scared and alone, just wanting your mom.” Donna tried to hold back
the tears his words evoked but they silently slid down her face. She couldn’t find her
voice for a couple minutes.
“Miranda was lucky to have you.” Donna finally spoke. Josh must have heard the
tears in your voice because he turned his head to face her. He wiped the tears off
her face with his fingers.
“Don’t cry Donnatella.” He told her. “I can’t take it if you start crying for me.”
“Not you. You I can comfort and help. I’m crying for the little 8 year old boy who was
alone and scared.” That brought tears to Josh’s eyes. “You’ll call Stanley, Josh.”
“Yeah…I’ll call Stanley.” Josh promised and gathered Donna in his arms so they
could comfort each other.
************************************
Helen Santos was a wreck. She had argued with Matt until after 2 in the morning.
She had stayed up long past 2 because she was unable to sleep once Matt closed
the debate. He had argued, debated, and reasoned, but Helen was having none of
it. She wanted her family out of this town and back in Houston where they could have
some semblance of normalcy for a few days.
Finally, Matt simply told her he was going to go ahead with his speech at the church
and she could wait at the hotel with the kids while he went, but he WAS going. Helen
slammed the bedroom door and sat up in the living area for hours afterward.
The Secret Service had determined that the shots fired came from one Latino man
who had fired in the air to warn off some members of the African American
contingent that he felt were becoming physically threatening. The man was under
arrest, and the Secret Service were convinced that the shots fired were not intended
to hit anyone, let alone the Democratic nominee for President. Still, Helen just
wanted to take her family home. Surely this incident was proof enough that tempers
were running too high for Matt to wade out in these waters.
If he insisted on going to the church, he was going to have to go alone. She wasn’t
going to leave her children alone with the sitter they had hired to travel with them.
Not after yesterday.
But at 10:25, just minutes before he was scheduled to leave for the church, Helen
Santos appeared dressed and ready to go with him.
“You’re coming with me?” Matt inquired.
“It looks that way.” Helen replied and grabbed her purse; exiting the room behind the
Secret Service without another word.
Josh and Donna exchanged concerned glances but followed behind the Santos
couple. Josh was pretty tired himself; Helen Santos wasn’t the only one who didn’t
get much sleep the night before. The four of them rode together to the church but
not a word was spoken until they were pulling up to the church.
Josh handed the Congressman the most recent copy of the speech that David, in
conjunction with a little help from Sam Seaborn, had come up with. Matt just handed
it back to him without even looking at it.
“I know what I want to say.” He said simply and got out of the limo. Helen paused
before she got out of the car and looked over at Josh. She had been so wrapped up
in the effects of the incident yesterday on her family, she had completely forgotten
that Josh may very well be dealing with some after effects himself.
“I realized this morning, that much to my shame, I never thanked you for all you did
for Miranda yesterday.”
“Mrs. Santos-“ Donna began.
”No. I was, understandably, distracted when we got back to the hotel, but later, after I
got Miranda to sleep, I should have come and talked to you; thanked you. Miranda
told me how you held her and tried to distract her by asking stupid questions during
your 20 questions game. It meant the world to me that someone was with her who
cared about her and tried to comfort her when she was alone and frightened. Thank
you.” Helen kissed his cheek and followed her husband into the church.
Donna took Josh’s hand and went to stand in the back of the church to listen to
Congressman Santos speak.
"Good morning. My prayers are with Ronnie Burke's family today. I know yours are
too. My prayers are with Officer Rafael Martinez and his family. They are not
struggling with the loss of a child, but they are struggling with a terrible truth. My
prayers are with those families and with this one.
"You know, I find myself on days like this casting about for someone to blame. I
blame the kid, he stole a car. I blame the parents. Why couldn't they teach him
better. I blame the cop, did he need to fire. I blame every one I can think of and I am
filled with rage. And then I try and find compassion. Compassion for the people I
blame. Compassion for the people I do not understand, compassion. It doesn't
always work so well. I remember as a young man listening on the radio to Dr. King in
1968. He asked of us compassion, and we responded, not necessarily because we
felt it but because he convinced us that if we could find compassion, if we could
express compassion, that if we could just pretend compassion, it would heal us so
much more than vengeance could. And he was right: it did but not enough. What
we've learned this week is that more compassion is required of us and an even
greater effort is required of us. And we are all, I think everyone of us, tired.
"We're tired of understanding, we're tired of waiting, we're tired of trying to figure out
why our children are not safe and why our efforts to to make them safe seem to fail.
We're tired. But we must know that we have made some progress and blame will only
destroy it. Blame will breed more violence and we have had enough of that.
"Blame will not rid our streets of crime and drugs and fear and we have had enough
of that. Blame will not strengthen our schools or our families or our workforce. Blame
will rob us of those things and we have had enough of that. And so I ask you today
to dig down deep with me and find that compassion in your hearts. Because it will
keep us on the road. And we will walk together and work together. And slowly, slowly,
too slowly, things will get better. God bless you. God bless you and God bless your
children."
The Congregation rose to its’ feet when the Congressman finished his speech and
he shook many hands on his walk back down the aisle.
“That’s why we’re here, Joshua.” Donna told him. “That’s the man who should be the
next President.” Josh nodded his agreement but kept his eye on Matt and Helen
Santos. There had been a lot of tension between them this morning.
The sight that lessoned his concern was when he saw Helen reach for her husband’
s hand while they walked out of the church side by side.
********************************************
Chapter 19
“I don’t feel like I’ve got your complete attention, Josh.”
“Why is that Stanley?” Josh asked as he flicked through the cable news channels.
He was careful to keep the sound on mute, but with the news scrawl he could keep
up on the headlines without missing a beat.
“Probably because you’re busy doing something else like looking over a report or
flipping through television channels.” He commented and Josh froze mid-flip. That
was seriously freaky.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Josh retorted but turned away from the TV just to be safe.
“How are things going?” Stanley asked again.
“Good. Fine. We’re within the margin of error with Vinick, but we can’t seem to push
past that point.” Josh complained.
“Well, that’s disappointing, I’m sure, but I was talking about how things are going for
you personally.” Stanley drawled.
“Better.” Josh replied succinctly.
“Why is it that for any other question you can give me 10 minute answer that
includes some vocabulary I’m unfamiliar with, but the second I ask about your
personal issues, I get a one word response?”
“I don’t know Stanley, but you’d think that was the kind of thing a psychologist could
figure out. Damn.” Josh involuntarily exclaimed when he turned back toward the TV
and saw a California newspaper was endorsing Vinick.
“What was that?” Stanley questioned.
“Uh…nothing…I just hit my foot on something while I was pacing around the room.”
“Then stop pacing at sit down.” Stanley advised him. “Donna tells me you haven’t
been getting much sleep lately.”
“We’re in the final weeks of a Presidential campaign, Stanley, nobody has been
getting much sleep lately.” Josh tells him, but plops down in a chair as instructed.
“True, but she tells me you’re not even trying to get sleep when you can. Aren’t you
afraid that’s going to affect your decision making as you go into the final stretch?”
“Jesus, does she have to tell you everything? Isn’t there some kind of confidentiality
clause or something?”
“Between you and me, yes, between Donna and me? Not so much. Why aren’t you
sleeping Josh?”
“You know why I’m not sleeping Stanley. Sleep deprivation may affect some of my
decision making skills, but a nightmare induced psychotic episode will seriously put a
damper on things.”
”Josh, you are not now, nor have you ever been psychotic. Believe me, I’m an expert
in this area.”
“Well, I’d rather not have any evidence to the contrary at this point in the election
cycle.”
“Who would know about the nightmares besides Donna?” Stanley asked.
“Ummm….you.” Josh noted. “Then anyone who heard Donna talking to you about it
or you talking to me about it.”
“I think you’re way too smart to use such a shitty cop out.” Stanley told him. “What
you’re really concerned about is what is going to happen to you if you think too
much about what happened at the rally.”
“Nothing happened at the rally. We’re all fine; nobody was hurt.”
“Maybe you weren’t affected physically, although I wouldn’t put any money on that,
but you were undoubtedly affected emotionally. Are you going to try to bullshit your
way out of that?”
“No.” Josh answered in an uncharacteristically quiet voice. “I don’t think I can go
there right now; delve into all of that. There’s too much riding on this campaign and
on me. I can’t afford to have some sort of mental breakdown.”
“Ironically, it is by talking to a mental health professional that helps to avoid mental
and emotional breakdowns.” Stanley waited for a reply and when none was
forthcoming, he decided to push a little more. Doing therapy over the phone had
distinct disadvantages. He couldn’t see Josh so he was unable to tell if Josh was
stonewalling him or just lost in thought about something they were discussing. “Have
you and Donna picked a wedding date yet?”
“Whoa, that was a bit of a conversational jump Stanley.’ Josh chuckled.
“Not really. The last time you were going through something like this, you were
alone. If and when you had a nightmare or a PTSD episode, you could hide it pretty
easily.”
“Not from Donna.” Josh corrected him. “She knew something was wrong before I did.”
“Yeah, and that was from a distance. Now she’s living with you, sleeping with you; I
don’t imagine there’s any privacy, especially working a national campaign.”
“What’s your point?” Josh asked wearily.
“My point is, that if you trust Donna enough to marry her, you should trust her
enough to let her see what you’re going through. So I was just wondering if you had
set a date.”
“We’re a little busy trying to get a man elected President over here.”
“I wasn’t implying that you should get married before Election Day, Josh, but picking
a date might make you feel a little more secure in your relationship with Donna.”
“I’m already secure in my relationship with Donna. She’s the one who keeps putting
off setting a date.”
“Really…”
“Yes, really. So much for your theory that ‘Josh is afraid to make a commitment’.”
“I never said I thought you were afraid to make a commitment. I think you’re eager to
make a commitment. But I also think you’re worried that Donna isn’t.” Stanley argued.
“That’s complete bullshit.” Josh sat up straighter and his voice got a little louder.
“She’s always on the phone with somebody or other about wedding plans.”
“And yet, she never agrees to set a date.”
“She wants to wait until after the election to do that.” Josh’s defense sounded weak
even to his own ears. “So what?”
“So somebody could read all kinds of things into that. Then when you throw in the
complications from PTSD, one could even be concerned that confronted with the
evidence of a lifetime of dealing with this issue, someone might change their mind
about setting a date at all.”
“Go to hell, Stanley.” Josh said intently into the phone.
”That’s what you’re really afraid of isn’t it, Josh? That if Donna sees how damaged
you are she won’t want to marry you anymore. And now, after all these years of
waiting, of resisting temptation, she’s finally with you in every way a woman can be
and all you can think about is what will happen to you if she changes her mind.”
“Why are you doing this?” Josh whispered carefully into the phone.
“Until you can verbalize what it is that’s scaring you, you can’t do anything about it.”
Stanley told him, losing patience with Josh’s stubbornness.
“People with guns scare me, Stanley.” Josh replied.
“No, Josh, it’s the nightmares and the anxiety attacks from the people with guns that
scare you.” Stanley corrected him. “You need to talk to me and you need to talk to
Donna, or I swear that you will be helpless to do anything except push her out of
your life.”
Stanley’s prediction sent chills down Josh’s spine, but there was no way he was
going to let Donna see how weak and powerless the PTSD made him.
“Josh, tell me about the nightmares. Let’s start there.”
“I…I can’t right now. I have to go.” Josh lied and Stanley was having none of it.
“Donna said she cleared your schedule for an hour.” Stanley reminded him.
“Regardless of what you both think Donna doesn’t know everything. I have to go.”
Josh shouted at Stanley right before he hung up the phone with a snap. He was in
desperate need of a drink, Josh decided, and went out into the living room of the
hotel suite he shared with Donna to retrieve a drink from the mini-bar. He was
startled when he saw Donna lying on the couch reading some reports. She looked
just as startled to see him.
“Are you done with Stanley already?” Donna asked. “He told me to clear an hour for
him.”
“He had an emergency.” Josh lied no better to Donna than he had to Stanley. He
tried to avoid eye contact with her as he got a beer from the mini-bar and kept his
back to her while he popped the top and took a long swallow.
“Josh?” Donna had moved up to a sitting position on the couch. He answered her
without turning around.
“I’d like you to go to Oregon with Helen tomorrow. She may need your help preparing
for the speech and the Q & A there. They just passed the universal health care bill
for all residents under 5 and it’s going to bring up a lot of the Congressman’s
initiatives.”
“But that’s a three day swing.” Donna noted. “I thought you wanted me here to prep
Leo for his debate?”
“Leo’s got me and he’s got Lou. We’ll be fine.” Josh responded. He’d turned around
to face her direction but he still wasn’t looking at her.
“Helen has given that speech a thousand times and-“
“Would you stop debating me and just do what I ask you to do for once?!” Josh
exploded.
Donna blinked in surprise at his harsh tone and waited for him to realize the line he’d
just crossed and apologize, but he just continued drinking.
“Josh. Would you like to talk about your conversation with Stanley?” Donna offered
quietly.
“What I’d like is for you to do your job and stay the hell out of my head.” Josh said as
he walked to the door and slammed it behind him as he left the suite. Donna sat
stunned by his outburst. She was tempted to call Stanley herself, but she was afraid
Josh would just take that as another betrayal.
*******************************
When Josh returned to their room around 7 am, Donna and her things were gone.
He felt sick and relieved all at the same time. He didn’t have to be at their strategy
meeting for another 2 hours, so he decided to take a nap until then. He stripped off
his clothes and after requesting a wake up call for 8:45, he slid into bed and fell into
an exhausted sleep. The nightmare came just as he expected it would and when he
woke with his heart pounding in his chest, struggling to get air into his lungs, he was
at least grateful for the fact that he was alone.
****************************
Helen watched Donna carefully for the first hour of the flight. Donna’s head was
bobbing as she struggled to stay awake. She looked absolutely exhausted, but
beyond that she looked incredibly sad.
Helen waffled back and forth for awhile over whether or not to approach their
campaign spokesperson. Finally she sat down next to Donna and handed her a cup
of coffee.
“You look like you could use some of that.” Helen smiled at her.
“I don’t know…does it have any whiskey in it?” Donna tried to joke, but it came up
flat.
“I don’t think we should start the whiskey before the luncheon.” Helen opined. “Josh
would certainly have both our heads on a pike if he found out.”
Donna gave a half-smile in response and Helen’s antenna went all the way up.
“Donna, are you okay?” Helen asked quietly.
“Sure…” Donna sipped some of her coffee, but couldn’t keep her smile in place. Her
lips quivered and her eyes filled. Helen leaned closer and put her arm on Donna’s.
“What’s wrong?” Helen inquired.
“Josh is…there’s something wrong with Josh and he won’t talk to me about it.” Donna
admitted. “He doesn’t want me asking him about it either. That’s why he sent me on
this swing with you. He doesn’t want even want me near him.” A couple tears slipped
down her face.
“I know that’s not true.” Helen said adamantly. “I can’t pretend to understand Josh
Lyman all the time, but I do know that man adores you.” That statement just made
Donna cry more. “Donna, what can I do?”
“Nothing. Neither of us can do anything.” Donna told her. “We’ll just get through this
swing and hope he’s been able to sort a few things out by the time we get back.”
“Well I, for one, am very glad your plans changed.” Helen explained. “We haven’t
had enough time on the road together lately. I’ve been stuck with either Lester or
Lou and neither one of them seems to have an appreciation for the Sisterhood.”
That got a smile out of Donna. “You know, you may be right. I think it’s time to
remind everyone that women make up the majority of the electorate.”